Ten years ago, my prayer was simple. Even typing the word “simple” feels traitorous, as if I’ve already cheated … cheapened the depth of that moment. There was nothing simple about it. The words were simple, but their implications were far more complex. God was going to have to do something miraculous, something that only he could do–
Save my life.
Again.
This time not from sin but, rather, this time from the cancer that was eating away at my flesh.
“God, let me live long enough to get my children grown.”
That was my prayer then. And here I am, living this decade-long miracle that was surely wrought from the very heart and hands of the Life-Giver. Ten years of living beyond a diagnosis that, left untreated, would have hastened my earthly departure.
Dr. Habal’s words echo in my mind today as clearly as they were spoken to me a decade ago–a response to my burning question … the “What now?” … I asked of him just moments after hearing my diagnosis.
“You’ve got young children, Elaine. We need to attack this with everything we have.”
And therein my prayer and my will were solidified–a full frontal assault via my flesh and my faith to get the job done … to get my children grown.
Thanks be to God, we’re mostly there.
When Amelia climbed into her eldest brother’s hand-me-down car (the one that carried him to college) two weeks ago to begin her college career, I stood paralyzed in the drive-way, not out of sorrow for the temporary sadness of seeing her go but, rather because I realized that the simple prayer I had prayed ten years ago had now come to fruition.
My children are grown.
As I turned to go back into the house, I smiled, laughed a little, looked up to heaven and uttered another prayer…
“Maybe just a little more time, God?”
In that moment, I felt his pleasure – some holy laughter between a Father and daughter. He owes me nothing – not a single heavenly favor, not another day, not another ounce of grace, not another prayer answered on my behalf. He never has … owed me anything. But he continues to give to me in inexpressible measure.
Ten years ago, I didn’t fully understand what would be required of me and my God to get to this point of witness today. There have been many personal sacrifices; but what I have had to give up in order to extend my earthly tenure is nothing in comparison to what I’ve been given in return–
A decade’s worth of seeing my children grow up.
What a generous God!
I am humbled by this extension of years. I pray that I have lived them well and have grown my children accordingly. They are my legacy–Nicholas, Colton, Jadon, and Amelia. Their lives will continue to write the witness beyond me.
So, here’s to me; here’s to them; here’s to God; and here’s to the grand and grace-filled miracle of getting kids grown.
We are all SURVIVORS walking the road home together. Let’s keep in step with one another for as long as today is called today. Keep moving forward, family; the best is yet to be. I promise.
Peace for the journey,
PS: If you or someone you know might benefit from the witness of my story, “Beyond the Scars” is available for purchase through Amazon or by contacting me personally for a signed copy.
Oh Elaine!! How precious is our God? I loved every word of testimony to Him especially these lines:
“In that moment, I felt his pleasure – some holy laughter between a Father and daughter. He owes me nothing – not a single heavenly favor, not another day, not another ounce of grace, not another prayer answered on my behalf. He never has … owed me anything. But he continues to give to me in inexpressible measure.”
We love you, Elaine and we all celebrate TODAY the Joy of His grace and blessing over you!
Choosing Joy,
Stephanie
Psalm 126:3
Thank you, sweet friend. I’m glad to share the journey with you.
wifeforthejourney:
An answered prayer leads us to a lifetime of thanksgiving! As you’ve acknowledged already, God does not “owe” us anything – but I am again humbled by the mercy and grace of our Lord. For all he has given, all he has done, and all he continues to do – I am inexpressibly grateful. You remain God’s best for me, for our children, for our church and for our family. I’m right there believing with your dad, “The best is yet to be!” Love always, Billy
#loveyou
Witnessing this Journey is such an uplifting n my life and others . When anyone gets this diagnosis ,it’s so scary your Faith has to come into place Elaine’s was real to all of us that know her.. She showed up for us in her time of need as she was struggling during Chemotherapy thank you Elaine..love you my friend Blessings to you Nancy
My kindred friend – you’ve seen it all. You have been my strength so many times on this road of faith. I’m glad we’re still doing life together … all the way through to home!
What a journey and what a testimony!
Keep being awesome, Elaine! The best is yet to come
Thanks for being here, Nivine. I’m glad to know you and to look forward in hope for our better days. With Christ, our best days are always ahead of us. It’s going to be something…
Shalom.
Though I’ve read your wonderful, poignant book, Beyond the Scars, and I know at least some of your cancer-survival story, this testimony brought tears to my eyes. Praise God for his grace! And praise God for the unique gift he’s given you to fill the page “with the breathings of your heart” (William Wordsworth) that in turn touch ours.
I am grateful for every single word He gives me, and I am grateful for our re-connection!
My sweet friend,
Ten years. I remember when you first shared your diagnosis. I hoped, prayed, wept, prayed some more… pretty much felt a flood of emotions like most of your readers and friends. I don’t know if I can accurately describe my thankfulness for God’s grace on your life. He’s kept you and your family. I know without a doubt of his power. I’m so blessed to see His goodness!
Thanks for writing this blog. Your blog has always been a refreshing place for me! I’m also amazed that I’ve known you for ten years!!! I pray somehow we can connect in person. You’re a sweet soul to know!
Hugs and Prayers,
Kennisha