WARNING: For the faint of heart and weary worn, this may not be the post for you today. I’m a wife and a momma, and I’m sportin’ a “tude” tonight. May God cover my words with an understanding that exceeds my fleshly bent toward some ranting and raving. You’ve been warned, friends…
We watched her walk across the room—me and three of the “boys” belonging to my household. I call them boys because when it comes to the matter that I am about to discuss, men are quick to make that leap into their boyhood wonderings and wanderings of the heart. I don’t imagine them meaning to, but as I watched them out of the corner of my eye watching her out of the corner of theirs, my emotions began their usual flare up and before long, the claws came out, and I was ready to pounce.
On her and on them.
An adult Christian woman walking her stride with some pride and some pomp and some “full of herself” was enough to send me over the edge. She should have walked better. She certainly knew better, and while I’m confident that my “boys” had little intention of having their eyes being inclined in her direction, she had every intention of them being there. Snuggled tightly in her golden Saran Wrap, there was little doubt as to the impression she intended to create. Even though her flesh remain covered, the lines beneath that covering drew a fitting tapestry that left little to the imagination. When she dressed for the evening, she did so with the objective of being noticed.
Mission accomplished, and none of us are the better for the viewing. At least not on the front side of such a moment.
Now, before you think I’m jealous … before you chalk this up to a legalistic way of doing life with Jesus … before you hand me your “this is the fashion” or “everyone is wearing this” … before you offer me your objections, you need to know this.
The reason my emotions are strong, the reason I can say that we women dress with intention, is because I am a woman who dresses with intention. And in a season past, I was a woman who dressed with only one intention in mind.
To be noticed. To hold sway over a man’s eyes, a man’s heart, a man’s propensity to lustfully and heartily sin because my need to be “thought about” reasoned itself more necessary and more important than any momentary transgression on his behalf. I know. Yucky. Sleezy. Dirty. So unlike what you might imagine me to be.
Thankfully, I am no longer that person, but I was, and I know some yuck when I see some yuck, and it breaks my heart. Not just for the women who are wearing the yuck, but for the “boys” who are being caught in the crossfire. And lest you think your “boy” is too old for the yuck, think again. I’ve known men in their eighties who aren’t afraid to approach the yuck and to boldly ask the unimaginable.
So what’s my point? Why go here on a day when you, perhaps, were expecting something a little more clean, a little more righteous, a little more holy?
Because this is an issue of cleanliness, righteousness, and holiness.
What we’re wearing today says a whole lot about Who we’re wearing on the inside, and I don’t mind telling you that when the night’s festivities came to a close, I sat down with my “boys” and had a frank discussion with them about why a woman wearing golden Saran Wrap is probably not the kind of woman they need to seek as a life-partner. Not because she’s not worthy of the love and grace of heaven, but rather because she’s not ready to be their bride.
A woman who is not first dressed as the bride of Jesus Christ is not going to be able to wholeheartedly and fully love them in the way that God has purposed. They won’t be able to love her in return, at least not in the way that she deserves. Yuck breeds more yuck, and what God has in mind for our hearts is a purity that stands in stark contrast to that yuck.
Unfortunately, yuck is the order of the day. You don’t have to vision very far to witness its glaring assault. Not just on the computer, at the movies, in the magazines or on the television, but sometimes in the very places that we tout as sacred. Shame on us for thinking that we hold the market on purity just because our churches, our schools, and our universities carry the name of Christian. We don’t, and it’s time that we seriously consider the truth that God is walking amongst our lampstands, seeking those who are willing to uphold the tenets of our talk with the tenacious and intentional purity of our walk.
Purity is not an accidental pursuit. Yuck doesn’t happen without intention, and if we’re going to truly market our lives toward kingdom value, then we are going to have to be more vigilant about the message we’re sending via our flesh. We are the carriers of an extraordinary kingdom. Better start dressing like it.
So, what do we do? How do get past the Saran Wrap and the fleeting glances that dance their damage into the hearts of the innocent?
We speak our faith to those who sit under our yoke of influence. Boys and girls. Those who are dressed with their yuck and those who are entreating the yuck with their minds. We don’t chastise and beat them with our Bibles and our pharisaical approach to doing life with Jesus; rather, we tenderly and truthfully speak our Father’s heart in the matter. We don’t just make rules; we explain the merit and the purpose behind the rules. We remain vigilant to the task at hand and not balk at the first sign of resistance.
We tell them how to appropriately dress—not with the bawd and brash of lustful living, but rather with the gentle and quiet of a heart hidden in Jesus Christ. We assume nothing as it pertains to their knowing the correct posture of a sacred dressing. Rather, we teach them—show them through our actions, our words, and, most importantly, through our willingness to invest some time on their behalf.
Too many of us are content to grumble, to marinate in our emotional “hot,” and to leave the teaching up to someone else. Is the subject too touchy, too yucky, too seemingly “not necessary” as it pertains to your life? I understand. It’s hard to know how to combat the ever-increasing yuck that is accumulating in swift order. But if we don’t at least try, then we have resigned this battle and conceded this portion of our kingdom influence over to the enemy who is more than willing to seed and breed the yuck at every angle until Saran Wrap is the order of the day and our lusts become the deliberate conversations of our heart.
Time for talking things out, friends. Time to start uncovering the deepest needs of the heart in order to bring about the sacred covering of our flesh. The clock is ticking, and this generation of boys and girls is in desperate need of some training by some saints who are willing to speak the truth in love, and to live the truth all the more.
Would you be willing to do your part? To walk to the closet and open up your heart for examination in the matter? Today, within your reach, there is someone who needs to know the appropriate cloaking of purity. Your someone is not mine, but all someones are important and precious in the sight of God.
Indeed, this may not have been the word you were looking for today. It wasn’t what I was looking for; still and yet, I believe there is some merit in the saying … at least for this momma who is trying her hardest to raise some godly men who will view women as the treasure that they are rather than the trophy that so many of them are trying to be.
Purity is a commendable fight and one that is worthy of my tenacious resolve. I pray that you feel the same.
Thanks for listening, friends, … yuck and all. I will get to my promised post about the “theology of the one” in my next writing. As always,
~elaine
Copyright © March 2009 – Elaine Olsen
Elaine, to me, this is a masterpiece. A needed teaching and hearing.
Just last week I purchased a Teen’s “Biblezine” type thing entitled, “Looking Good from the Inside Out”. It’s all about fashion. There’s one article called, “Whisper Loud, dressing for Soul success”. It draws attention for young girls (and all of us) to look at the message our ‘dressing’ gives to others. It encourages that God’s “breastplate of righteousness shapes and supports the character of God within us”.
Teaching on purity is needed. We all need to be reminded to adorn ourselves with a gentle and quiet spirit, precious in His sight.
Dressing from the inside out,
Joy
Great post! I couldn’t agree more. I have a myriad stories about Jesus’ own “ladies” and their fashion sense over common sense … much less godly wisdom. I think of the lengthy Proverbs dealing with this very same subject, and the admonition to young men everywhere to “beware”.
We ladies must be-wear too. Since I no longer have anything to flaunt (unless I want to scare someone) you can be sure my chosen garb is typically of the turtleneck variety. But back in the day … well, let’s just say I KNEW when I was being provocative. Since it “takes one to know one”, I can spot a provocateur a mile away. Men spot them 5 miles away.
May we all dress in our Proverbs 31 finest!
Hugs,
Kathleen
I was once a Saran Wrap girl, but thanks to the Lord and my husband I saw the error of my ways. Not I dress with intention–intentions of being a woman of virtue and integrity. I am very deliberate in what I wear so that I do not cause a man to sin. Not that I am any great prize but I simply do not want to be a distraction to a man other than my husband.
Great post, friend. And a badly needed one!!
Leah
AMEN!!!!!
I’m right there with you Elaine! I think we are all too easily swayed by what we see in our culture everyday.
I was a yuck dresser for years and I accomplished what I set out to accomplish……. and what did I get…..”yuck” and heartache……. Many years down the road from those days, I am so aware of how I dress and how I carry myself……There is a body language that goes along with the yuck and the Lord had brought me far from those days….. Purity is a subject that this great nation has swept under the rug and I fear it will rise to bit us in the butt one day……….
I have a friend who hesitates to bring her 14 year old son to a particular church because their “come as you are” policy knows no limits – truly, women are coming as if they are heading straight out for a little night-life right after service!
There are frightfully few women who are willing to speak out on this topic and it’s SO NEEDED. Young minds and hearts need protecting and, I believe, young women that have grown up without any direction or example in this matter need us “older” women to gently show them the way. Titus 2, friends, Titus 2.
Loved this post – so powerful.
Hugs,
Melinda
Oohh! This “yuck” was so good! What a great post, girlfriend!
There are so many truths that you listed here. I’m sitting here trying to figure out how to use this as one of our topics in my High School girls’ Bible Study! I love the saran wrap analogy! We’ve discussed purity before, but you wonder how much they are truly listening…especially when you see some of the “yuck” they wear even after you’ve talked about it!It’s hard to be loving and kind and get the point across.
As a Mama of boys, your wisdom is just what I need to hear!
Love you!
Susan
You made me recall those days with my daughter when she was a teenager. Short short skirts that rode well below where they belonged where the fashion. We talked and talked and to my joy, one day she got it–and understood the need to dress not out of insecurities but as the woman God wanted her to be.
She found her lifelong friend and husband while at Word of Life where they dressed in skirts and shorts that reached her fingertips! And he loves her for what’s inside–not what she used to show.
Incredible, Elaine. So much truth here that we all need to remember – especially those of us with children of our own! I was a saran wrap girl for a while as well. So glad you shared the yuck with us. We need it!
Elaine….I JUST LOVE YOU!!!! I have a passion about this purity you speak of today.
My own life has been touched in many ways regarding this issue. I have always been small with a large chest….many assume that you are a “hot” mama because of that.
I would try hard to cover up and look “normal”…..only to end up looking weird and frumpy. Needless to say…I have always felt insecure about the way I looked because I didn’t want anyone to think I was Miss sexy.
Now that I have teenagers….my girls are very convicted about modesty and I am so thankful and proud of them. My son has been incredible about the issue too….he refuses to look if someone is not dressed appropriately. It makes him furious! I speak out (lovingly) like you’ve encouraged to the girls in my path about dressing in a way that honors God and themselves. I just can’t help it.
This really hit home with me when our oldest came to us late one night when he was in 8th grade…to confess feeling lustful over girls at school. He was crying and embarrassed because he felt the girls were trying to be noticed and dressing that way on purpose. He knew he was wrong and couldn’t live another minute with that sin in his life.
I knew right then the importance of dressing modestly! I had not experienced such shame as what he felt. Girls/women need to know!
Bless you Elaine. Beautiful, much needed post…
And yes, Spring always follows Winter. Always.
Rant on, sister! You’re speaking truth!
Amen, amen, amen! I have a 15 year old son and some days I literally am in tears over what he has to contend with. Sometimes he comes to me in tears over the battle. My grandma used to say “don’t advertise what isn’t for sale.” It’s something I taught my girls as their responsibility to not be a stumbling block to men with how they dressed. But how do I protect my son from what is out there? My heart aches for the temptation he has to deal with.
WHEW! Elaine!
As Beth Moore says: “That thang will teach”.
What a great word.
I loved this “raise some godly men who will view women as the treasure that they are rather than the trophy that so many of them are trying to be”.
Isn’t that the truth? I know I have many times in my youth “advertised” as a trophy instead of treasure. Sometimes…I still fight the battle of wanting to be noticed. I don’t try and dress that way anymore, but I struggle with it in other ways.
Thanks again for a much needed word.
Blessings,
Marita
What an awesome word today! No apologies needed. You are right on target. I wish more people had the courage to speak the truth in love as you do. God may be opening a door for me to speak to teens. I am going to keep this word tucked away in my heart for them. Blessings.
You speak truth that God placed upon your heart. I respect that and I deal with this daily also. It’s a challenge!
Awesome post!
Beth Moore covers this in her “Esther”study. I think it is so important that we as Christian women think about things like this.
Thanks for laying out what was on your heart. It was great.
In Him,
Beth
Elaine, you are right on with this. It’s a hard lesson to teach when the entire world is saying another thing, but teach and try we must. (I love how you said you know some yuck when you see some yuck…)
By the way, congrats on your article in Exemplify! Loved the page, too, telling about you and your blog. How cool that you were born on Easter! 🙂
This was a much needed post. Thank you for your boldness and your fearlessness.
Blessings!
Sheryl
PERFECT!!! I have some high school girls in my Sunday school class who dress leaving VERY little to the imagination. I also have a young daughter who will encounter this soon enough, and I want to make sure she knows her internal worth regardless of her external adornment. Thank you, Elaine!
Blessings and love,
Lisa
Elaine, I appreciated your rant! As a mom of boys, this issue is often a topic of discussion in our household. Embarassing as it is to admit, I too have had those Saran Wrap moments. Thank the Lord those days are long gone!
Thank you for speaking the truth!
I am new here! What an awesome blog 🙂
Elaine,
Thank you for having the courage to speak out on this topic! You are so right…..it is needed badly currently! Beth Moore spoke about this in one of the sessions of Esther Bible study.
I, too, at one time in my earlier days dressed for attention. And now I regret it and try everyday to dress so as to be an example and not a stumbling stone.
God bless you my dear!
Marilyn
Hi Elaine, I see that you have a good heart of a mother. Your concern is understandable. God bless you and your family. 🙂
Please, sister girl, move over a little on that soapbox and let me join you! I am also the mother of boys and I am dismayed over the yuck in the schools, in the community, in church…I have a real problem with the way most girls AND their moms choose to dress. The most disheartening situation I’ve been dealing with involves actual extended-family members.
I have a friend who struggles to find appropriate clothing in the little girls’ department in stores, because most of the clothing is way too provocative…not just for her 7 year old daughter, but for any girl.
This is an issue everywhere we look. Schools, church, TV, movies…and what blows me away is the fact that most people think there’s nothing wrong with it.
Lord, help us…please!
Amen, girlfriend! Great post.
Thanks for your kind words of encouragement. It was exciting to teach yesterday and watch “the lights come on” for many in the audience. But it was exhausting-virtue went out of me in buckets. Thursday evenings always find me on the couch and I have done this for 20 years! But oh how I love to teach GOd’s Word and the momentary fatigue is a small price to pay!! Thanks for joining in the study long distance with me and for your kind words.
God is so good!! Would you consider doing a guest post next Thursday for me to post on my blog? Any topic will be great. If this is not enough time for you, we can postpone. The timing is flexible. Let me know. I love to read you insight as you walk with God. Blessings, sweet sista.
Elaine, this is amazing! This is the most eloquent, cohesive writing on the subject of teaching purity I have ever read. I am so grateful you obeyed God and wrote what was on your heart. Now, think about fleshing this out a tiny bit and submitting it for publication – it is a desperately needed message and you have captured God’s will in a POWERFUL way! Blessings to you and your family this day!
Elaine, there is nothing left to say to this but “Amen!”
When I see girls and women (and boys and men) who are purposing to dress in a distracting or unwholesome way, I pity them. I really do. It hurts my heart that they do not see themselves through the eyes of Christ, that they do not value themselves as children of the Most High God. They are held hostage by the enemy’s lies, and, sadly, their bondage often sweeps others along as well.
As a mother of a 6th grade girl, I am thankful that uniforms are the required attire for her school! As the aunt of an 18-year-old nephew, who is currently living with us for a period of time, I am seeing the attire of teenage girls from an entirely different perspective, and I see girls even in our church who dress in a manner which really pushes the proverbial envelope.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (Colossians 3:12)
(I guess I did have a little more to say than “Amen!”.) 🙂
Elaine,
WELL DONE and much needed to be said, heard and LIVED in our generation.
I’ve been trying to tell the ladies that I’m around that are younger in their walk, who are you dressing for? You are being intentional, and while you think you are doing that for your man, your doing it for ALL MEN. My Man doesn’t want to see it….nor does he need to see it. I do it a little softer, I pray, but that is the punch I’m trying to pack.
I’ve been there, dressing purposefully to attact a wondering eye, or perhaps even two.
NO MORE…..there has been a change from with-in and it has made it’s way to with-out.
Love ya and Girlfriend, you did Abba Father proud on this one!
Yolanda
Great Post. I agree. But I have to say as the mother of a preteen daughter I can see the other side of the fence. We have been shopping for a dress for my 12 year old daughter’s first dance. She wants to look great. She’s a girl, of course. I am appalled and dismayed at the complete lack of modest clothing to choose from. In order to find something for her to wear she has to choose a tiny dress from the woman’s department, as the girls dresses leave much to be imagined. The pressure to look like other girls her age is enormous. Her “friend” told her she was going to take her shopping to get some “real” clothes. I could not believe this. She dresses appropriately. She may not have the highest price tags on her clothes but she isn’t wearing Laura Ingalls clothes either. It’s just overwhelming to have to raise a teenage girl in this day and age. More people need to stand up to this “standard” so that clothing manufacturers will offer more modest choices.
Hey Mrs. Elaine,
I understand what you are saying in this post. I am taking Beth Moore’s Esther:It’s Tough Being a Woman right now with a couple of women at my church, and some of the discussion of the study is directly related to this. It is a vital necessity in this day and time to teach girls how to dress, to be pure, modest, and to value a gentle and quiet spirit-true inner beauty. I had to learn this too, like you. I love this topic. I Peter 3:3-4 has been in my head since I started the Esther study…God is amazing.
Blessings to you!
katiegfromtennessee
Elaine, can you hear me shouting Sister? AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!
I was looking over a workbook I have on Women and holiness the other day and bust into sobs thinking about the LACK OF TEACHING on holiness, purity, consecration.
Everyone says that “Old school” “Old fashion” “Played out” or that it “doesn’t take all of that to get to heaven” or “we won’t reach the young people if we try to “act” holy”.
HELP ME LORD! If not for the teachings of my Grandmother (which I swayed from at one point in my life but returned to not long after), I would have been in a serious mess! She didn’t just teach me to be a lady she taught me the how and the why.
Ok, I’ll step down off the box and hand the microphone over (smile).
Elaine, you can write a book on what your message is about. I’ll buy 10 copies and hand them out!
I love you and I so appreciate GOD for placing us on the same journey and giving all of us that peace.
Elaine, ARE YOU KIDDING??? This is what I’ve been trying to say for months now!!!! And I am one intentional mama, not just in the way I dress, but in the way I fight the battle for my husband, son and daughters.
Purity is not an accidental pursuit. Yuck doesn’t happen without intention, and if we’re going to truly market our lives toward kingdom value, then we are going to have to be more vigilant about the message we’re sending via our flesh. We are the carriers of an extraordinary kingdom. Better start dressing like it.
Amen. Lest you didn’t get enough encouragement from your previous commentees, I am a mama who takes a Good Housekeeping magazine and puts it on top of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. I am the mama who complains to the manager at Blockbuster because of the placement of magazines or other videos. I am the older woman in Christ who pulls a younger woman that I have influence over and discusses her attire. We must attack this issue from all sides, and especially on our knees.
Love you, Elaine.
I love that you talk about this inappropriate stuff with your boys. That is so awesome, Elaine. We are never too old for a reminder of what brings glory to God.
This is a temple for the Holy Spirit. Yes, I’ve been there too. I agree, we need to be a voice of influence for out youth so our young women do not feel that this is the only way they can feel valued.
Bless you for your “tude” today!
ha! I don’t think I can say anything that hasn’t already been said! Girl… you are right on!
As the mother of a recent 9-year-old with a peer introduced to bad images by a neighbor (unbeknownst to my son), I know this is painfully true. The enemy will stop at nothing to corrupt even the youngest. Thank you for your great reminder…
“What we’re wearing today says a whole lot about Who we’re wearing on the inside.” AMEN!
Thanks for being obedient, honest and sharing from your own past. Sometimes the Truth will be messy and “yucky”, but I know the Lord will continue to share it through you. God bless your ministry!
Well said, friend. From one boy’s Momma to another, this is something that gets me fired up frequently. After spending years working in youth group, we discovered some of our worst offenders were some of our very own girls…raised in Godly families, who knew better. We tried addressing them as a group, pulling them aside one by one, but it seemed a constant battle.
You are right, we all dress with intention and it’s heartbreaking to see those who dress with the intention to invite looks like this.
This is a great and powerful reminder to look at ourslves as well to assure we too are dressing in a way that is pleasing to God. Thanks for boldly speaking truth!
Elaine – I am the mother of young boys and had a very difficult upbringing (former yuck, girl, myself) and REALLY want to raise some godly men. Do you have any good, Christian, recommended reading on this topic (in addition to the Bible)? Thanks!
Yes, indeed, ma’am. Rant all you want on this one.
I don’t have any daughters to train, but I have three sons, two of whom I know were accidentally exposed to some very vile pornography. It makes me sick to think about it…they’re so young!
Women constantly complain that they don’t want to be looked at as mere “sex objects,” and then dress to make sure that’s exactly what they look like! I just don’t get it.
I can’t imagine feeling comfortable showing my body like that in public. I’m not happy with a skirt that shows my knees…
May God help our precious children learn the value of all that our society disdains.
Elaine,
this is so good!
I have vowed that I won’t dress Marina (3 yrs) in the fashions that are seen in most stores. Can you believe they have low rider jeans for 3 and 4 year olds… and tops that ride up high?!
It drives me crazy.
When she gets out of toddler sizes I am wondering where in the world I am going to find her clothes. There are so few places that don’t have popular tween singers plastered all over the clothes or aren’t skimpy.
Thank you for this word. It is much needed, and I had to learn it well after I was a Christian as well… to overcome that desire to win attention the wrong way.
God bless you,
Heather
Wow. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I needed to hear this.
Hi there. I found your blog through a comment you left on my party post. This is a wonderful post…I’m moving on to part two right now…..I love your thoughts on being the bride of Christ before a bride of someone else!
Elaine! A friend sent your blog to a group of us raising daughters whose bent is to be the jewels that God made them to be inwardly & outwardly! Thank you so much for your post, it was encouraging!
Yours in Christ…
Elaine, Joy sent me over here. We are currently addressing this with our youth. We just finished “what you take in” and in two weeks will be addressing “what you put on”.
I pray I can convey the truth in the way you did here. LOVED your post! Thank you!!
This is so needed. It’s so hard to reach the young christian girls with the truth of this word, without hitting their bitterness. especially when it’s grandma. She’s so old fashioned. I try to tell them God is old fashioned where honor purity is in question. For He never changes. I try to tell them also that He has written the truth in their hearts.
These Young girls are so special and have a misguided path. praise God, prayer is powerful.
Thank You
Your words are such a blessing.
Kathy S. sent me and e-mail for your post.
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