It’s been a good Sabbath rest for me and my family. The highlight?
Watching my almost twenty-year-old son as he stood in our church fellowship hall, serving up drinks over the noon-time meal. Why?
Because I was reminded, once again, about the fine young man that he’s becoming and that his growing up Godly has been no accidental pursuit. It’s been a hard-fought deliberation—a combination of parental intention, his cooperation, and a whole lot of grace served downward from on high.
I blinked and nearly two decades of my life have traveled the miles and through the years and enveloped my best efforts at parenting within the flesh and frame of a boy whom I call Nick. And while I cannot predict (or would even want to) how the next twenty are going to breathe, today I bask in the truth that growing Godly kids is not only possible, but it is probable when done so through the trust and faith in a God who’s brought into the process … a lot.
Nick, along with a dozen other members of our church, will return to Bolivia this summer for more mission work at the Kory Wawanca Children’s Home in the mountainous region of Tacachia. Remember his post from last summer? My husband will not be making the trip this time, and so there’s a bit of a sting in this mother’s heart for the release of my son to his journey–a journey without any parental involvement to go alongside … at least not in the physical.
Still and yet, my worries about the potential risks involved wouldn’t keep him from it. Life is filled with risk … with unknowns … with walks along the street where the corners up ahead provide all manner of intrigue and possibility. And while, as a mother, I would sometimes like to be the one to absorb those corners on behalf of my children, I am fairly confident that it would stunt their growth. Mine too.
Parenting involves a great deal of trust for the process of an eighteen year seeding and beyond. At some point, our influence—our shaping and our guidance—needs some room to breathe apart from us. Rarely is it an easy approach to these moments, but it is a necessary one. It is a good walk and a good trust and good growing for all parties involved.
Thus, Bolivia and Nick without any parents this time, yet fully and completely with the God who held him first and who loves him best. It’s time to turn that corner, friends, and I am ready for some new growth as a mom.
Perhaps, some of you are in your own season of “letting go” and learning to trust the process of your parenting. Perhaps many of you are still in the midst of the training years. Perhaps, there are a few of you who are profoundly longing for your turn at this parenting thing. Regardless of your station in the journey—whether in the prelude, in the middle, or in the aftermath—parenting is a sacred trust and should not be entered into lightly.
It is a profundity that exceeds expectation. A complexity that forces the issue of our maturity. In the end, I am confident that God will use my parenting as a tool toward my perfection. Kids do that … perfect us in a way that would otherwise be missed should we decide to go it alone. Nick has offered me ample opportunities for growth along the way. There are three others who follow him and who will, undoubtedly, continue to proffer me many occasions for growth—mine and theirs. They still walk under my umbrella of influence; they still eat and sleep at the hands of my provision.
And until they walk in independence from my 24/7 constant vigilance, I have a few moments of profound persuasion left within my control. Thus, I will spend them on behalf of kingdom shaping and kingdom purposes so that when the time comes for my children’s autonomous launch from the nest, I can let them go knowing that they go with the truth of Jesus. What they choose to do with that truth is their choice to make, but they will make an informed decision because their parents were willing to sow some seed toward that end while they were yet young.
It is all that I can do. It is the best that I can give. It is the daily choice that I will continue to make for as long as God allows me the journey … corners and all. May I always have the good sense to walk them with the good grace of heaven as my guide. As always,
As promised, friends, I’ve compiled a short list of some resources that might be helpful to you in your daily life of “doing” family. It is by no means exhaustive, but rather is a jumping off point for you to seek some further guidance in many of the areas that I addressed in my recent posts about purity. Take time to review some of these resources by clicking on the highlighted words, which will link you to the corresponding website.
Leave a comment to today’s post, and I will draw a name to receive a copy of one of the books or CD resources listed. The winner will be announced on Tuesday. You do not need to be a parent to win a prize. All are eligible! Peace to you and yours as you walk this week beneath the light and comfort of Almighty God.
- The Focus on the Family website is always a good place to begin with all things parenting and family related.
- One of our favorite family resources from Focus on the Family has been the “Adventures in Odyssey” listening series. Our children have grown up with Mr. Whitaker and Whit’s End and all things Odyssey. Great for road trips and for listening to after bedtime tucks and prayers. I promise! I’ve been addicted for years.
- Plugged in online: movie reviews/ music reviews/ television reviews. This has been an invaluable resource to us as a family as we make the weekly Blockbuster run for movies!
- BSafe Online: filter for home computers…very restrictive, but can be tweaked according to parental preferences.
Focus on the Family Radio Interviews (CD’s):
Book resources:
- Bringing up Boys by James Dobson.
- Every Man’s Battle Stephen Arterburn. Written for men/young men but a must read for women living with men!
- Every Young Man’s Battle by Stephen Arterburn. Again, a must read for parents of boys!
- Every Heart Restored: A Wife’s Guide to Healing in the Wake of a Husband’s Sexual Sin by Stephen Arterburn.
- Every Woman’s Battle: Discovering God’s Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfillment by Shannon Etheridge.
- Preparing Your Daughter for Every Woman’s Battle by Shannon Etheridge.
- Help! Someone I know has a problem with porn by Bill Maeir
Vicky Courtney Resources:
Hi Elaine,
I enjoyed reading this and taking pause to think of what you were sharing in depth. At times I find I re-read what you’ve written to really glean what God is speaking into my own heart.
I’ve gone through seasons in parenting with now an adult daughter who still struggles in her walk BUT we know the teachings and love she has received in her years will come to full development soon. We have a teen daughter preparing in under two years for college who loves the Lord with all her heart and then we’ll be empty nesters. I say that with sadness and gladness combined. Sadness that there won’t be any more children under the roof but with gladness because that means both they and we will be in new seasons of our lives in Christ which is always exciting.
Now we get to watch, pray and be there for our adult daughter as she is raising her two little ones.
I don’t think the mantle of parenting ever goes away. We will always love, always pray and always be there pointing them toward JESUS. Amen.
I will pray for Nick and his continued missionary work (service to the LORD), for his safety and others who may go with him. I’m sure it will be a wonderful experience again for him.
Love you dear sister.
May you and your family continue to have Peace for your journey.
Elaine,
What a handsome boy you’ve got!
From one mom to another, our kids certainly do give us AMPLE opportunity for growth. I like to say that my kids keep me humble. *smile*
Blessings!
With your hard work, and God’s grace, you have clearly done a wonderful job with Nick. I’m still in the midst of the training, and can certainly use all the help I can get. And you, my friend, are part of that help. (oh, and PLEASE enter me in the drawing!)
Elaine, I read this after just sending Ben back to college after a great week having him home for Spring break. I have not gotten to the point yet where I do not cry when he leaves, but the sting of his leaving lessens a bit each time he goes. It has been very difficult for me to loosen my grip on him as he has gone off to do those things that I know he needs to do,and I want him to do, but it makes it so much easier knowing that I entrust him to the One who will never leave him and will always keep him in His care.
Thanks for the encouragement that things will get better with time. Nick has indeed grown into a fine young man. You should be a proud mama!!
Elaine, thanks for the list of great resources. I am always on the lookout for things that have helped others to recommend to families I come across.
Well written, Elaine!! This was a great affirmation for me in my current “season.” Nick is in good hands with God and I have taken comfort for many years knowing that my son was also in the care of Frank. I am anxious to hear of the blessings that the Pine Forest team will receive and give. Ann
Hey, friend.
Your Nick is a very handsome boy!
I remember last year’s post on Bolivia. How proud you must be that your boy chooses to walk this route.
Keep us posted on this next mission trip. I’ll be praying hard for your boy.
And his mama.
I love how you wrote that ‘God held him first and loves him best.’ It’s so true, and there is truly a comfort in that. I find I am continually challenged in the “letting go” of my oldest daughter. Even though she is only 5, the letting go has to do with believing that she is His. There’s no One better to entrust the care of our precious children.
I will be praying for Nick on his upcoming trip to Bolivia. So nice to see a young man whose passion is for the Lord.
Thank you, Elaine!
There you go, “reading my mail” again. Are you sure you don’t have a camera hidden in our home somewhere?! LOL
Our son Billy went back to college today. Like Lori commented, it was not without teary eyes, but I have – thankfully – been able to let go a little more each time. He’s 21 yrs., ya know? It’s time.
With our youngest going to college this Fall, we will also be empty nesters. Bill and I had a conversation about this a couple of weeks ago. We will miss having our boys in the house, but at the same time we are excited to know that we will have some quality time with each other. :o)
What a fine young man Nick is! Blessings to him as he plans his trip to Bolivia.
P.S. We use Plugged In Online all the time. It’s a great resource for parents!
What a wonderful young man. I remember well the post about the trip to Bolivia. It is so amazing to watch our children grow in their faith and see their faith-in-action.
When I look at my 15 yr-old and hear comments about his faith-walk, I know it is the grace of God to someone who wings it, who is most comfortable with a book, who never thought she would get married, far less have children.
Little did I know of God’s plans.
Our children face challenges that we never had. Blessings to you.
Elaine,
Amen and Amen, precious sister. It is a battle we are pursuing together on the front lines of mommyhood, but one with the Lord is the majority, right? We fight from the vantage point of victory. I am so grateful that your sweet son is giving you cause to rejoice over and over again. Never stop sharing with us all the ways you see Jesus in your babies. I love to hear all about it, it gives us a little bit behind you, the breath of encouragement to keep running this race.
Just today I was convicted about memorizing scripture with my children. Our jobs are never done, are they? From the cradle to the grave I will praise His name and plead His blood over their lives.
Hope all is well in you neck of the woods Elaine. I am still praying about attending She Speaks. It all depends on how this conference goes in April…oh, and one other tiny incidental…MONEY.
God’s hand of blessing on you and yours my friend!
I’m always up for a giveaway – count me in for the drawing please!
Reading about your son – and the godly man he is becoming is so precious to my heart.
My youngest [of 3] is my only son. Now that my husband is in glory – he stops by often to help me with things at the house.
He is now 30 – married with two sons of his own. He works in the trades union but also has a ministry – serving young people age 20-35 with a Bible study/Worship night at his home. He’s been doing that for 6 years now with his wife. They had to renovate their barn to hold all the people that come. [40-60]
I tell you all that because he was the one ‘prodigal’ child who walked away from the LORD for several years – late high school age and beyond. When he came back to the Lord it was with whole-hearted devotion and he shepherd’s this ‘flock’ that God has given him. He preahed his first sermon at my husband’s homegoing celebration service. And a year later again at my husband’s father’s funeral.
Last night while I was cleaning out some boxes in the basement I came across an old scrapbook that was his when he was a kid. If was filled with pictures and all kinds of ‘stuff’.
God led me there to find a treasure. It was a 3 page hand-written letter that I had written to him during his ‘prodical time’. In the letter – I share the prayers of my heart for him and encouraged him to return to the Lord and to walk with Him. That was in 1996 when he was 18 years old! ALL those prayers and words in that letter were answered [in abundance] by our faithful God!
For those who may have a ‘prodigal’ -PRAY – PRAY – PRAY – for God’s restoration in their life!
Psalm 127:3 [KJV]
Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
Looking UPward and Choosing JOY,
Stephanie
What a joy to watch our kids serve the Lord… So glad you got to experience that today, Elaine.
My girls are out of the nest, but throw my name in the drawing anyway. I’m always happy to donate a resource like this to our church library or a friend who could benefit.
Blessings!
Cheryl
I have always heard now I believe that parenting will be the hardest job we ever do, but the most rewarding. You have done a great job Elaine. I know it has not been an easy road. Nothing worth it ever is. Thanks for the words of encouragement to us mothers still making our way. Sometimes I wish time could just stop right here, but what would that accomplish.
Thanks again my friend!
It seems so many years and so many miles ago that children roosted beneath our wings. Ours was a mixed bag that ranged from blessing & joy, to heartache, to frustration and back again. My nearly 40s (all three) are doing well today (mostly, anyway). Phew!
That said, I confess that my mother's heart is alive & pumping. The role has changed dramatically, but always they've been first on my list of prayer requests; thanksgiving mostly, petitions often. I doubt that will ever change.
Thank God for mothers. Thank God for children. What a precious arrangement He gave us both.
Kathleen
Amen! We have to step back and trust our kids,and continue to place them in God’s hands and they will be ok.
You’ve done an awesome job! Parenting was the hardest thing I ever did and AM still doing! I never realized the changes it makes as they grow and the roles I need to take on–but oh how I wish I had chosen to parent a ton of children instead of just one.
Thank you once again for your insights and making us think!
wifeforthejourney:
It is a joy to see Nick come into his own. I really mark our first trip to Bolivia (July 2008) as my moment of first hand witness of Nick as godly Christian MAN. He is ready to make this trip without me even though I hate that I will not be there to share in this trip.
Nick, Colton, Jadon and Amelia all have their mom to thank for passing on the blessing of her faith.
Love you honey,
Billy
I continue to thank you for your willingness to share. I am so encouraged (and feeling a little overwhelmed!) by your post today. I feel so ill-equipped to teach my very young children how to live a Godly life. I didn’t come to know Jesus until I was almost 30 and feel as though I am still an infant myself. How can I teach when I have so much to learn? Some days it’s a frightening prospect. But I am thankful that God has given us not only His Word but others who can encourage us and help us out along the way. Thank you again for sharing from your heart and life.
How blessed you are to see your young adult son choosing a path that follows the Lord. I think that’s my most fervent prayer for my little guys. (Especially the youngest who has such a strong natural bent in his own ways.)
Thanks for all of the suggestions; we have some of those, but there are some we’ll need to look at. It’s hard to face that while my oldest is only 6 we need to start planning our ‘attack’ for some of these issues. I’d like to suggest one more for women who might be dealing with her husbands porn problems, etc. “Hope after Betrayal” by Meg Wilson (a friend of mine) published by Kregel. She’s is a book by someone who has been through it and leads many other women through the process of dealing with ‘his’ problem and how it affects them.
Elaine, thanks so much for sharing. This parenting journey is a wild ride – one I can’t imagine taking without God. Thanks so much for the list of resources, too!
Elaine, nothing can be sweeter to the Lord than raising up Godly sons and daughters. My heart overflows for you, and I will be praying for Nick.
Having one daughter, I have not had the pleasure of rearing a son, but I am getting a small taste of it now that our 18-year-old nephew is staying with us for an extended period of time. What a blessing a boy can be!
Thank you, too, for compiling the list of resources. I was actually online last week searching materials pertaining to teenage girls. I jotted down three titles from your list that I’m sure will be helpful.
Rich blessings upon your week, my friend!
Love your boy! I don’t even know him, and I love his heart! I’m praying the same for my son, and for my daughters too. Prayer is essential.
Great resources, have read or seen almost all of them. Diverse and practical, there to help us on our parenting journeys. Peace, sis, lauralee
I’m thinking a lot about edification lately… and that’s part of your ministry… instructing and encouraging us. How important edification is to the body of Christ!
And that you are a wordsmith, too… Well, that is icing on the cake!
I had heard that marriage was meant to make me holy (more than happy… although I’m blessed on both accounts) and to think that parenting goes along the same lines… much to think about today, sister!
Great resources! And I will admit to listening to Adventures in Odyssey on the radio as recently as 3 months ago on a car ride BY MYSELF! :o)
Your man’s comment brought tears to my eyes!
If mothering four sons has taught me one thing it’s this: I am entirely insufficient and incapable. But the Lord, He is ALL SUFFICIENT. I am thankful for those who walk this journey beside and a little ahead of me–like yourself! Thanks so much for your encouragement and companionship!
Parenting. Risk. Oh yes, the two dance together.
I had to laugh at your comment on Joanne’s blog. I am a pastor’s wife too!
My oldest is 20 and went to Korea on a missions trip. Every time they go out the door they take your heart with them, but I am learning to trust the Lord with it. Still learning to let go!
All we can do is love and teach them about Jesus and trust the Lord to guide us as we parent.
We have to trust God for our children, as we can’t keep them under our control for ever (although I would if I could, lol!).
It is such a pleasure to see my children serving the Lord in the ministries that they do in the church and I thank the Lord daily for His faithfulness!
I also will lean into Him in prayer as they continue to grow and especially as they leave the nest, praying that they will continue to be faithful to Him.
Elaine
You are right. Raising Godly young adults is NOT an accidental event.
It takes work….with no days off. I am learning that grace plays a huge part in the process too.
Thank you for forging on sister and speaking out about being a Christlike mama. I so badly want to leave a legacy with my own babes. Not for my glory…..but for my Lord’s. I want to please Him with what He’s entrusted to me.
Love your sweet heart. My very wise blogging friend.
Thank you, thank you for this list! This is incredibly helpful!