I’ve been thinking about them some … my last-yearers. It’s been odd seeing them so close-by yet realizing that they’re “hands off” – not mine, not this year. I’ve kept my professional distance, and they’ve kept theirs. A few of them have made their way to my door, even stepping into the classroom a time or two, surveying the surroundings to see what’s familiar and what’s different. They’ve been quick to notice the changes:
“We didn’t have that last year, Mrs. Olsen. That’s not fair.”
And my laughter regarding their assessment is quietly accompanied by the truth of their judgment. In the secret recesses of my heart and soul, I know that they are right. What my students had last year isn’t and won’t be what my students have this year, at least to a certain degree. The curriculum remains the same, but the teacher? Well, she’s changed a bit. I still answer to Mrs. Olsen, but I am a wiser version therein, seasoned and shaped by my previous year’s, hard obedience.
When asked six months ago about my returning to the classroom this year, I didn’t have a solid answer. The stress attached to returning to teaching (after a long hiatus) had taken its toll on me. I was overwhelmed by the many responsibilities, and I was unconvinced that another year of more-of-the-same would be good for my health and for my family. Still and yet, I had a feeling (really more of a willing response) that I owed it to myself and to the countless hours already invested into the teaching process to see if a second year might be kinder to me … an easier fit.
Eight days in, and I have my answer. This will be a better year for me and for my students, not because the crop of children is any “better” this year than it was last year, but rather because I am better. The difficult “yeses” of my last year – all those times when I yielded my hands, my heart, and my flesh to the sharp edge of the Farmer’s spade despite my gut reaction to flee – have cultivated for me and in me a seasoned understanding of what it means to be a teacher and what it is to be God’s servant therein. That’s a win for everyone concerned, and that’s the reason I can heartily agree with my former students’ assessment of the classroom.
“We didn’t have that last year, Mrs. Olsen. That’s not fair.”
And for that, I offer them an apology. I also offer them a word of thanks. Shaping seasons – those that change us for God’s better – require fallow soil and a willingness to receive the blade of the farmer’s plow. What grows there, in that difficult soil of obedience, is often the sweet harvest of holiness. It may not seem fair at the time, but in the end, it’s always better.
I’m better, and I have a sneaking suspicion that most of my last-yearers are better too. To God be all the glory, great things he has done. Great things he will continue to do. As always …
Peace for the journey,
My friend, those last-year-ers were blessed to have you in their lives. I know that you sewed so much into them…things that will matter for eternity. Such will be the same for the kiddos you have this year. They are blessed to have you there. Your heart for Jesus is beautiful, and spills over onto anyone around you…even those of us who are virtual friends. Love you, Elaine.
When I look back on *seasons* in my life when I didn’t do or give what I think I should have, I feel some remorse, too. But, you’re so right. God is in the shaping times, and His purposes are worked out, even when we think we’ve failed Him somehow. I have a feeling that your “last-yearers” were shaped by your shaping, and they will also be the better for it!
GOD BLESS!
We are all works in progress, aren’t we, and will be until God takes us home. So glad things are already looking promising for a better year, Elaine. That’s great news!
This is lovely, Elaine, and neat to picture you and your students streaming past in hallways. This line and truth most resonated with me today: “The difficult “yeses” of my last year – all those times when I yielded my hands, my heart, and my flesh to the sharp edge of the Farmer’s spade despite my gut reaction to flee – have cultivated for me and in me…” Yes! God’s beauty that he can weave is us and through hard times. “Hard yeses,” you said. I like that power.
Thank you for honesty and for the beauty of that here.
Jennifer Dougan
http://www.jenniferdougan.com
I think each year teaching gets a bit easier. At least, it has for me. As you know, I wasn’t even in the teaching profession until more recently. Retired from my nursing career and never thinking I’d have to go back to full time work was a shock for me. But I have to say that it’s been so good for me. Being a woman who always wanted children and couldn’t have them, I get the best. I have the little ones for the day and get to return them to their parents. And I have weekends to rest up! I am sure you are a wonderful teacher Elaine!
Blessings and love,
Debbie