“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:9).
I had to call him. Had to hold down speed dial #7 just so I could hear his voice. A voice I have been listening to for almost nineteen years now. A voice I call son. A first born named Nick.
I did not call him out of worry or out of loneliness for his presence. No, I called him because I needed a reminder. A reminder of the eventual reality that children will, in fact, emerge from their toddled state of neediness to one day embrace upon a walk of independence. It is a walk he has embraced well…with grace and with a level of maturity I never thought possible all those years ago. All those almost 6,935 days ago.
I remember the admonishment of others back then.
Cherish these moments. They’ll be gone before you know it.
Really? I suppose in the broad brushstrokes of a life lived, indeed those years seem minimal. But while we were living them…I felt every one of them. Every sleepless night…every temper tantrum. Every strong willed expression that challenged my mothering patience. Every program. Every load of laundry. Every first day of school. Every soccer and basketball game. Every report card. Every milestone. Every question. Every tear. Every bedside chat. Every joy. Simply…everything.
Nick has been with me for almost half of my life, and in many ways we have grown up alongside one another. There have been good seasons and seasons that have pushed me to the outer edges of my understanding. Through it all, faith has been my guide, and what has emerged is a bond of sacred proportion.
A good harvest at a proper time. A time like today, when I need to know that what I am doing on a daily basis really does matter. That the seeds I am currently sowing will one day bloom into a blossom called adulthood. That the motherhood mantle that boasts my shoulders is, in fact, one of the highest privileges I will ever wear.
And so I called, and I received the verbal confirmation that my faithful sowing and good training has yielded and will one day again, yield a gracious and Godly return.
It is a guiding hope for me, as I continue to shepherd and shape the minds of three others that remain under my roof. I have not always been thankful for the job, but I have always been mindful of the sacred responsibility.
Parenting has been hard for me. I am not certain as to the exact reason why, but I am pretty sure it roots back to my bent toward selfishness. Selfless living has not been my portion. Instead, I am prone to my needs…my wants…my desires. So when routine breaks (like Spring break), and my mothering skills are put to the test, I cry out to God for help. For more of him to come and to replace the more of me. For more of a “First Corinthians Chapter Thirteen” kind of agapao loving that reaches beyond self to put others ahead of self.
I deeply admire those who mirror such a love for others, especially for their children. Who parent with ease and receive its calling as the most treasured one they will ever know. I wonder if they, too, have ever felt the pull between selfish living and selfless loving. I imagine that they have, but somehow they have come to a quicker conclusion in the matter. A conclusion that hosts a peaceful rest, full of a faithful trust for the parenting process.
I want to be that parent. I want to come to some quicker conclusions of trust…of believing that God has shaped me with the sacred capacity for the shaping of my children. That the seeds I am sowing, whether in tears or in joy, will one day reap a harvest of good growth and seasoned maturity.
Perhaps that is why I picked up the phone today and speed dialed #7. He is my kindling hope. What I couldn’t have imagined 6,935 days ago, I now witness in full bloom. Dirty diapers and temper tantrums could not hold him…could not keep him from becoming the man of God I now see emerging. This season…this seeing it all come to pass…is by far the greatest joy I have known as a mother.
So when I get overwhelmed with daily parenting—with spelling lists, and sippy cups, and the ever constant “Mommy…mommy, mommy, mommy,”—I look to my first born and remember that all of my answers to my little ones’ neediness will one day emerge into a season of glorious remembrance and abiding joy. I can cherish these moments now, because I know that there is a greater moment yet to come.
A moment of reaping, when my hard years of parenting yield a harvest of young adult men and one woman who still answer the phone calls from their mother to remind her that all is well. All is good. And that all my weary doing has been worth the return. And so, this day, I pray…
Father, keep me doing. In tears and in joy, keep my feet to the path of sacred parenting. It’s not always been easy, but it’s always been right. It’s been good because you give good gifts, Father. Forgive me when I consider my children anything less than your divine abundance and grace in my life. Seed in me a 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love. Grow me toward a life of selfless loving. And when I am weary in my good doing, bring me to a quicker conclusion of trust…a peaceful rest, that reminds me of the harvest yet to come. Amen.
OK…time to weigh in with your thoughts. Where have you struggled in your weary doing? What have you learned along the way? Teach me, friends, for my heart and my will is ripe for the learning.
Oh Elaine…you have so captured my mother heart…and my mother longing. Today is a day of the mundane and routine. A day of piles of laundry, ironing, cleaning, caring, building, shaping…all that leave me tired…yet, what a blessed calling. I only have one son…almost 16 years of age…and I realize that in just over 2 short years he will be off to higher education…and I wonder…am I doing enough? Am I preparing him to greet the unknown with confidence and trust in his personal Savior? My mind suddenly recalls times of family worship together that were too often abandoned because of the tyranny of the urgent…yet, what could be more needed than a time of refreshing and prayer as family…hands held around a table…sharing needs…heads bowed. Thanks again for reminding me of this high calling of motherhood. I return to my tasks with a heart of purpose and love. Think I’ll give my son an extra hug when he gets home tonight…oh won’t he just love that!!!
Being taught by my Father,
Joy
Elaine
You express yourself beautifully with words. It is good to know that the harvest will come one day. I have sown a lot of seeds with tears, frustration,unfortunately anger, and happy to say a lot of joy. Nine years ago God called me to a morning quiet time with Him and my life has not been the same, and praise God, neither has my family.
Thanks for visiting my blog and I would love to be one of your favs.
For His Renown
wendy
Elaine,
I wonder from time to time also if I am doing what God would have me to do. I get so scared when I think of the years to come and how much more I really do have to go through. I absolutely adore my boys and feel blessed for each and every moment I have with them. The older I get the more I realize just how special my precious boys that God has entrusted to me are. I have enjoyed these past few years of walking along side you and gaining some of your experiences and wisdom. You are a wonderful mother and anyone would want to have you as a role model any day. Love you!
~lynn
Elaine…thank you so much for your post today! It is so much of the words I feel in my own heart. I feel that same bent for selfish-living instead of selfless loving! My days of mothering in the home are over as all of my children are grown up and as I look back I see many times that I wish I had said or done something differently! Truly there were many tears but there was….and is….much joy!
I was a “tense” mother….if that makes sense! ha At the moment my last son was born I also had a 19 month old and a barely 3-year-old and really felt over-whelmed for several years. My husband had just started a new job and was having to work the midnight shift so I pretty much had to do all the “baby-work” alone. I can remember one night after being up with one of the kids and taking some article of dirty clothing in the laundry room, just leaning over the washing machine on my face and crying out to God and saying, “I’m so tired! I’m so tired! I can’t do this!” But…His grace is sufficient and He gave me the energy to go on. I home-schooled our 3 children from the time our oldest was 5 until the youngest graduated from 12th grade….a total of 16 years I believe. During those days I struggled so hard! School, cooking big southern meals every day, having a garden in the summer and canning or freezing the produce…it seemed there was no end to the work. And also being a children’s Sunday school teacher and the pianist at our church meant we were there at least 3…if not more…times every week. At that time I really looked forward to getting my kids through school and having some time for myself. Now, as we celebrate the 10th year since my youngest finished school I sometimes have TOO MUCH time for myself! 🙂 Enjoy those kids! Don’t kick yourself if you need some “Mommy time” along the way! Take time out and then get back in the game! I’m sure you’re doing a great job with your kids! I always felt like I might have not done as well as other mothers who seem so “laid-back” but I want to share a story with you. When our oldest son came home from his first tour in Iraq with the Marine Corps he spoke at our other son’s church one night and someone gave me a tape of it. I cried as I listened to it. He said….”As I sat on one of the very first tanks that was ready to roll across the Iraq border and didn’t know what we were going to face, I had a picture in my mind of times when I would get up in the mornings as a boy and see my Mother sitting at the kitchen table reading her Bible or praying. I knew Mama was praying for me while I was sitting on that tank and that meant more to me than all the protective armor in the world!” THAT brought me to my knees in prayer and humbleness! By the way….my speed dial number for that son is also 7. 🙂
Sorry this was so long….guess I got carried away. I have not been the mother I should have been or wanted to be but God has in His mercy seemed to hide my faults (for the most part) from my kids and let them remember the good! What a Great God we serve!
Hope you have a wonderful weekend!
Marilyn in MS
Marilyn:
You’re rocking my world today with your words of wisdom. I can hardly type for the tears! Thank you…thank you sister for taking the time to write your heart! I feel your emotion with everyword.
I’m looking forward to school returning next week, but this has been a good week.
About those home cook meals?…Not around here, friend! If you do have a traveling chef wagon…head my way. Really, I’m surrounded by southern cooks but make no apologies for distaste for the process.
peace, friend. ~elaine
Elaine, thanks for visiting my blog and for your encouraging words. Thanks so much for this post. I hate my selfishness so much, especially because I had to wait so long to be a mom. I should love everything about it 24/7 shouldn’t I? But I’m so thankful that God is there walking me through, His grace is sufficient. Blessings.
I’m not sure where to begin. At 60, I confess there have been a good many wearying times in my life, some that had to do with my own failings (the list would rival the book “Gone With the Wind”), or the failings of others – salted with losses and betrayals and heartaches galore.
That said, life is good. It is rich and full and – probably because of my wearying times – I have come to believe the hues & color of joy’s fullness are the very things that at one time baffled or buffeted me.
I’d like to think I’ve grown beyond worry, or the need to control, or the all-expenses-paid guilt trips. Alas, I am a work in process. What I have learned is not new. It’s what Jacob learned, and Job, and Paul … It goes something like this: I thought I knew God until I was desperate for Him. Then I came to know Him – the Beer Lahai Roi of Hagar’s angst.
My greatest weary has been my spouse of 40+ years. I mean no betrayal when I say he was long an unbeliever, often a critic, and many times missing from the marriage and/or parenting platforms. But God is faithful. In recent years he has moved decidedly in the Lord’s direction, and the seeds of new life have begun to sprout a profusion of buds. The waiting, the praying, the hanging on while hanging in were all worth the wearying times.
I love your transparency, and especially your willingness to share the adventures of spiritual inventory. It made me stop to think, and to praise the God of my salvation!
Kathleen
Sas:
The God who sees me! I love the story of Hagar.
Boy, you sure know how to offer some teaching and some encouragement.
For those of you who haven’t visited our friend, Sassy Granny,(her blog under my favorites) head over to her blog with a cup of mocha and just soak it in! She’s not only a sassy granny…she’s a smart, spirit-filled one to boot!
~elaine
Humbled, blessed and grateful!
Thank you.
Elaine, you have said so beautifully what I’m sure every mother (wife, friend, daugher, woman) who has ever lived has felt at one time or another. We’ve all lived (and are still living) through the “have I.. .? should I . . . ? what if . . . ? WHY!? . . “
Through all the ups and downs, the joys and tribulations. Through all the days that I wanted so much to throw up my hands in frustration and resign from motherhood, hey from womanhood in general, I know that God was always with me. Maybe I wasn’t so sure about it at the time, but in retrospect . . . .
Sometimes I’m a little like Peter. Wanting so much to be the perfect mother, wife, friend. I’ll stroll along the top of the stormy waters thinking, “hey! This is easy! look at me! I can do it all”. And just for that brief second that I take my eyes off of the Master so I can take a look at how well I’m doing, I find myself drowing in the sea of doubts and despair, choking on the muddy waters of selfishness . . . .
I’m a work in progress. God’s still smoothing out the rough spots (I wish he’d smooth out the wrinkles too!) I’m just so very thankful that I’ve met women like yourself through the magic of technology who have a heart for God and and discerning spirit. Women who through your words touch me (and countless others) on a daily basis.
Blessings!
Liz
Elaine,
Your vulnerability and story of love really brought me to tears…
You are a mom.. thus…you are filled with a longing like none other.. and there will never be anything else like it ever… your job…well, it is the most honorable and blessed by our Heavenly Father…
I once heard by one of my Nursing Professors and I have never forgotten… Parenting…”You should start with one child, raise them until they are 16 years of age, throw them away and then start your family”… I so can’t help but think she was right.
I tell my now 20 year old.. that I am sorry so many times.. and we giggle and make jokes… well, I guess you’ll need counseling for that one!!
with my 12 year old, I just tell him what an honor it is to have him..
we are human..
we make mistakes…
we love…
Elaine… you are just incredibly filled with love… thank you for sharing your story…
three things…
Missy: No you don’t have to love everything about being a mom. You just have to respect the awesome privilege that you have been given. God will cover the rest. By the way…I can’t find your blog! Please post the site in this comment section or send it to me via e-mail.
Liz (a.k.a. my KY gal): blogging technology has changed my world in the two months since I began. I’m so glad to know that we journey not alone. Let me know when you cross into my Bluegrass!
Connie: I did start again, and I understand why babies are for the young. There is job security for the therapists of the world! I’ve told my kids to send me the bill!
Let’s all continue to boost one another long in this day and age when we need all the encouragement we can get!
peace~elaine
Elaine,
Thank you for the comment you left on my blog. That is what that blog is all about to me.
Maybe someone will see that I received GOD’S grace and total forgiveness when I was so unworthy – which is what HE had to finally get into my head.
Your writing is beautiful and transparently sincere at the same time. GOD’S gift to you to help encourage others! Thank you!!
As far as being a “good mom”. I tried so hard for so many years but I was just a nervous wreck that I was doing everything wrong!
I had such a strong-willed first born daughter – and me – being the baby in my family and never even being around babies and little ones…I was horrible at it.
My husband and I let our children be our little friends and we did not give them the discipline they needed.
Then, on top of that, we selfishly divorced when my son was almost 18 and my daughter was almost 20. We blew up their world.
GOD, in HIS mercy, is giving us a second chance to show what grace looks like to these grown children.
I have been not only blessed with HIS grace, but given another chance with my husband and to have our family built over on rock, not sand.
May HE truly bless you as you serve HIM, especially your encouraging words!
Teri