When we first moved here in June, I had it in my heart and mind to lead a new Bible study with the folks at our new church. I didn’t know if it would take… if there would be any interest in their hearts for the same. We have a few takers.
In addition, upon our arrival I had no idea I would be diagnosed with breast cancer. After receiving the news, I wrestled with the idea of forging ahead with the Bible study. I always want to give it my all when facilitating, and with Bible study days following chemo days, it seemed a bit of a stretch for my flesh. Still and yet, there was something about the study (chosen long before receiving my diagnosis) that stuck with me… that made sense to me… that seemed in keeping with every unveiling step in my journey.
Priscilla Shirer’s Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted.
So with faith at the lead, we forged ahead. This past Wednesday was our second session we had together. I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was a difficult struggle for me.
But God. He prevailed in spite of me, and in the end, I was the one most blessed by our round table discussion and the message from Priscilla’s heart.
Isn’t that how our Father works on our behalf, even when we least expect it? He is faithful to honor his commitment to the Word… to having it all work out for our good, even when we are sometimes unaware of its benefits while “walking it through”? Long ago, I made a decision to keep to the Word, solely based on the faithful promise if Isaiah 55:10-11. I may not know what God’s Word is working in and through me in the moment of my reading it, but I have a holy promise that it’s sowing kingdom truth within the soil of my soul that will one day flourish more fully into blooms of faith.
And with that kind of guarantee, friends, I’ll keep to the Word every day. It is here for me… for you. I hope that you’re anchoring your heart alongside me today in the fresh-breathed words of God, and that his truth is alive and active in your every moment as you keep to the road of faith.
As I’ve read through the book of Jonah (it’s only four chapters… go ahead, you can read it in one sitting), many new wonderful truths I hadn’t seen before are jumping off the pages to engage with my thought processes. In particular, two beautiful verses that are now inscribed upon my heart:
“Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs. But I, with a song of thanksgiving, will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. Salvation comes from the LORD.” (Jonah 2:8-9).
Worthless idols.
What would qualify in your case? What are you clinging to today to help you get through today that, at the end of the day, might have had your forfeit some of the daily grace of God that is rightfully yours as a child of the King? Maybe they aren’t bad things. I’ve certainly had a short list in recent days.
Drugs.
Family.
My Bed.
Internet.
Countless books on cancer.
Phone calls.
Food choices.
All manner of accouterments to ease my transition in this season.
I imagine your list to look a bit different. I’ll allow you your expertise on this one. Safe to say, none of the things I’ve listed above are evil in themselves; however, if they are the only things I’m clinging to in this season of shifting health, then at the end of the day, I’m left depleted. Perhaps not fully bankrupt, but more depleted than had I not taken time to first cling to the one thing that will safely navigate me through this journey of grace.
The cross of Jesus Christ.
When word was released about my cancer to the pastors of the NC Annual Conference of the UM Church, we had several gracious replies from many of our contemporaries. In particular, Rev. Michael Hobbs sent me six clutching crosses (one for each member of my family), made by his own hands. Rev. Hobbs is a cancer survivor as well, and upon his recent retirement, had taken it upon himself to handcraft these crosses as a ministry to those who are currently going through a difficult season of pain. My cross sits bedside and has been in my grip throughout many of the nights since August 23rd. I don’t in any way hold it as an idol. It’s simply a piece of beautifully carved, cedar wood.
Rather, I hold the cross as my reminder. As of way of focusing in on my anchor in this time of great tribulation and testing, so that I can say in unison with the Prophet Jonah:
“But I, with a song of thanksgiving, will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. Salvation comes from the LORD.”
The constant prayer of my heart in this season is to never lose focus of God’s perfecting work in me. To get to the end of this all, whether it be the projected four more months of treatment or something further, and to have not allowed God some of his power to be shown more clearly in my extreme weakness will feel a bit wasted to me. I’m not sure how he is going to work all of that out. My immediate thoughts are that my worse days are ahead of me. That being said, I’m fully taking God at his Word, daily reminding him of the promises he has made to me in his Word, and trusting (as best as I can) that what he says will, in fact, come to be.
That beauty will arise from ashes, and that “the God of all grace, who called [me] to his eternal glory in Christ, after [I] have suffered a little while, will himself restore [me] and make [me] strong, firm, and steadfast. To him be the power forever and ever.” (1 Peter 5:12).
God is the restorer of my flesh, of yours as well. He, HIMSELF, will do the work in us because he is the One who created us for more than our fleshly temples. He created us for his heavenly one. We are the flesh and blood of the living God, put on this earth with the single responsibility of pointing others to the way home—
the cross of Jesus Christ.
That is why I clutch mine closely in my grip throughout the night, for I’ve found that the nighttime is when I need its witness the most. Perhaps you understand.
Thank you for breaking a little bread with me this morning. I really didn’t think I had the internal strength to write a complete thought, but I needed to, wanted to desperately connect with you and let you know that God is alive and active and ministering to my heart in tender ways in this time. I’ll spare you all the details regarding the many ways this chemo is now beginning to attack my flesh. But may I always be faithful to tell you that God’s daily grace is sufficient to see you through… whatever is eating away at your flesh today. Put your focus there… on God’s daily grace, and clutch the promise of Calvary close to your heart.
Make good on what you have vowed. Salvation comes from the LORD. As always…
Peace for the journey,
PS: Some of you have mentioned your interest in Rev. Hobbs clutching crosses. If you’d like to talk to him further about securing 1-2 crosses of your own for someone in need, please e-mail me personally, and I will send you his contact information. Rev. Hobbs gifts these crosses as a ministry and puts a great deal of time into making each cross. Therefore, the amount of requests he can take at one time is limited. He’s also written a year-long book of reflections entitled A Servant’s Song. You can find it by clicking here. Thank you, Rev. Hobbs, for reaching across the miles, entering into my pilgrim journey, and blessing me with the work of your hands that has now made its way into the soil of my heart. You are sowing good kingdom seed. Shalom.
Thank you Elaine, for using your energy this morning to write these precious words! You have been on my mind so often, as I continue to pray for each step of this journey. It's so like you to minister, when you are in the middle of needing to be ministered to…
I love the clutching cross, what a beautiful way to share from this pastor.
Love you, praying…
wifeforthejourney:
It is difficult to articulate the different ways God has used people, places and things to encourage us in the days since 8/23/2010. For as overwhelming as the news of your cancer has been, the Lord has been faithful to provide you the strength to keep going.
You are a blessing; such a source of joy and pride to me. I know you are no superwoman, but you ARE a woman anchored solidly to our God.
Thanks be to God for all of the family, friends, even strangers moved by our common faith who continue to lift us up in their prayers. It is indeed a testimony to the power of prayer that you have been able to bear up so well.
Even in the hardest of times may we all cling tightly to the cross of Christ and remember that He is right beside us all the way.
Love you,
Billy
"But God." That's the truth that changes everything we think we know.
Praying for strength and rest.
Elaine, I know so well the finding of God in the midst of the afliction, with barely the strength to absorb it.
Please know that others are blessed by your surrender to be used of Him in the midst of your own time of need.
Remember in your clutching, that He first clutched you and you remain in His hands.
May you persevere long and strong.
Dawn
Elaine,
Thank you Elaine for sharing your heart with us today. Keep clinging to the cross of our Lord. He will see you through. Praying for you.
holykisses Lea
Amazing how God orchestrated the study of a life interrupted right at the time yours was interrupted by cancer. And God always honors our efforts to stay in His Word during difficult times, doesn't He?
Staying — and praying — the course with you, Elaine…
What a blessing you are Elaine to so many. I continue to pray for you and yours during this "clutching like never before" season. May you feel Him embracing you and clutching you ever so gently against His heart every moment of your journey!
He is Faithful!!
Love and Sweet Clutching Embraces!
Jackie
Elaine,
God is using you so much in my own life and my very different struggles.
Thank you for always remaining faithful to HIM, even in the midst of your newest struggle.
I love you my sister,
Sheryl
Elaine, in the midst of your current challenge here you are as an encourager to us! I can only imagine how you are clinging to the Lord as you allow Him to work in and through you. Nothing is impossible for Him; not even cancer. I'm so glad you decided to proceed with the Bible Study. This way God gets all the glory.
I continue to pray for you Elaine. The other day we were impacted by a very unusual storm in Arizona. I was driving on the freeway praying for you when torrential rain and hail hit. But I continued to pray for you and it reminded me that you are in the midst of a storm. But I'm so glad that you're focusing on Jesus and not overwhelemed with the cancer. He is the Victor.
Love you,
Debbie
Elaine: you said: "But may I always be faithful to tell you that God’s daily grace is sufficient to see you through…"
Amen and amen. God's grace… Praise HIM.
Clinging tightly to the precious cross with you sis, love and prayers to you.
This is one of the many things I so love about you, friend. In the midst of your own pain and suffering, you continue to share with us the grace, mercy, and love of our Lord and Savior, Jesus.
When I grow up, I want to be just like you. 🙂
Clinging to the cross alongside you…
His unrelenting providence covers us…continuing prayers for your healing 😉
Always grateful for the updates…you continue to be such an encouragement to all of us by sharing your heart so tenderly.
It's stunning to me how apparently this study was intended for this time in your life. Praying He continues to give you the grace and strength to see you carry it through to completion. The passages you've shared today have spoken deeply into my heart…thank you friend. What a great challenge to us to give nothing the place in our lives that only Christ should occupy.
I love the clutching cross…what a beautiful reminder of the only thing worthy of such a tight grasp. What an incredibly worthy ministry!
Yes, anchoring my heart alongside yours…
Tracy
To the cross alone I look, as a reminder of what it cost my Lord to buy me back the freedom that I don't even deserve.
Thank you once again for a heart stirring post.
Keeping you close to my heart…
Love
Lidj
i love your heart. i just love how God speaks to me through your writing always.
praying for you and loving you!
So many thoughts have come to mind while reading this. #1 – to stay in the word is SUCH a privilege for us here in the US. I thank God all the time to be born in a nation that allows me to even have access to His word & that we are privileged to know how to even read! Then to have the Spirit reveal such wonderful treasures there is the greatest blessing! #2 – I LOVE the clutching cross. What an inspiration the Lord share with him to make those in order to provide a physical comfort to those in need. #3 – you realize that what you have that lies ahead will be perhaps the most difficult yet. The Spirit put on my heart to post, "Kinda like labor. You know it won't be pleasant, but something good comes out of it." I don't know what your journey holds either, sweet woman, but know that you are prayed for always … even tho' I haven't been on blogger worth anything in over a week. Continued hugs & love ~ Merana
Last Friday, just as you were about to go in for a procedure, Laura B. and I were sitting next to each other at a retreat center in Texas. We spoke of you, your perseverance, your living out of peace for the journey.
And this is it — once again. You cling to the cross.
And right now, I try to imagine the sound of the Lord singing over you.
You're beautiful, Elaine.
You don't know how much I needed to read these words this morning…those scripture. As always, you amaze me and minister to me across the miles.
Love you and continue to pray for you!!
Believing Him~Pamela
I am not sure how I missed this post, but I am so glad I found it now. You have been in my thoughts and prayers often and I am soo glad to read all of this. First of all, the cross to clutch on to is SUCH a WONDERFUL idea and ministry. I love it. And I am soo glad it is bringing you comfort. And I am also so happy that you have gone ahead with the Bible study. And with the name of that study you are doing, how could you not, haha? What wonderful truths no doubt lay ahead for all of you. I soo understand how while going through such an experience you want to let others know how much the love and grace of our Lord gets us through. I tried to explain that during my journey, but I am not so sure I was sucessful. But you are doing a wonderful job. It's not that it isn't hard. It's not that we are not human and have our momoents were clutching to His promises (or that cross) are sooo necessary to just get through the next moment, it's not that tears aren't shed and fear trys to rear it's ugly head. It's about how He meets each and everyone of those needs in ways that are very hard to explain. But He does. Continuing to pray for you. Know He is using this cancer in a mighty way to minister to all of those around you. HUGS AND BLESS and CONSTANT PRAYERS, Debbie
I too, have a clinging cross, given to me several years ago by a dear friend. No, it's not made by your Rev Hobbs, yet it holds the same rememberance of my Jesus and His love.
I have held it (HIM) close through this season of pain and will continue to do so and now be reminded, each time I hold it, that you are holding yours and together we pray for all God wants us to glean in our seasons of life.
You amaze me by your strength and willingness to minister to other's during your journey:)
Be Blesssed All the More,
Cindy
Oh, Elaine, you bless me so!
And yes, yes and amen to
will Himself restore [me] and make [me] strong, firm, and steadfast. To him be the power forever and ever.”
Let us us see it so, LORD JESUS. Amen and amen.
Holy hugs!!
Elaine, I love how you keep pressing on and loving God! I don't know how you find the energy to write such deep prose during a time such as you are going through. I sit with my mouth hanging open, amazed as I read the beautiful words you pen. God has gifted you so much and I know He is so pleased that you honor Him with your gift.
Love you Elaine!
Marilyn…in Mississippi
thank you for that verse from Jonah, friend. thank you for ministering to us the way you do. praying for you always.
Wow Elaine, you did more than give us a complete thought. You always have an abundance to plant in our heart. I am so glad you have been able to attend the Bible study. Personally I am drawn to those same verses in Jonah. I love the 'what I have vowed' part… Where the rubber meets the road. I pray this will be a highlight as you go through your treatments. Hang on your Father has you in His sight. hugs, B
May I speak these words to you as I pray for you. Thank you for speaking them first…
But may I always be faithful to tell you that God’s daily grace is sufficient to see you through… whatever is eating away at your flesh today. Put your focus there… on God’s daily grace, and clutch the promise of Calvary close to your heart.
Beautiful words…may God strengthen you by the power of His might to get through each day.
You are precious, Elaine. Precious.
Elaine – my best friend blogged this exact verse in Jonah! So I read the entire chapter. I will be meditating on this verse.
This blog is so good. Thank you for taking the time and energy to write down what God is doing in your life.
I am praying for His sustaining power in your life right now. I know that despite the cancer, your roles remain — wife, mom, ___fill in the blank. And even though those roles look different right now, you still are a mommy and wife. So I will be praying for strength in those areas. I love the verse you quoted in Peter. God is good!
Just as the Lord had "prepared and fish" and "prepared a vine" for Johna, He prepared a Bible study group for you.
I'm thanking Him for all He's prepared for me in the past – AND for what He's preparing for me RIGHT NOW!
Elaine,
Thank you for thinking of those of us who are clutching your blog as our prayerful embrace to you.
Thinking of you right this very moment my sweet Jesus-loving friend.
Elaine,
Continuously lifting you to the LORD by faith, trusting that HE is caring for every need — strengthening you and pouring His healing power down upon you.
Praying for your family as well.
Beautiful cross…clutching at the foot of the Cross.
Blessings and love.
Elaine,
The way you are pushing through just amazes me. I pray more strength for you, my friend–that you might continue this journey in this way. And how about that Bible study? Amazing how God prepares us in the sweetest of ways. I miss you. I'm praying for you. I love you.