Thus, very little enthusiasm accompanied me yesterday morning as I traveled to my youngest son’s basketball game. Per usual, I had very low expectations going in, but by the time the game was finished, I exited with something quite different. Something more than my usual thankfulness for the final buzzer.
I left with some perspective.
Watching my older two sons play basketball over the years has been a delight for me. Partly because my younger years provided me with more energy for the “doing,” but mostly because of their strong determination and agility for playing the game. I never had to wonder if I was going to get a “show” from my boys. They’ve excelled at life, both on and off the court. They understand the game and have the tenacious drive to ramp up the scoreboard. Whenever they lace up their shoes, you can be sure that they are playing to win.
I don’t see that drive in my younger son. And while he loves playing the game, he’s less concerned about his stats and more interested in simply playing his position on the court … in cheering for his teammates and in his “thumbs up” accordingly. Jadon’s instincts for the game are different than his bigger brothers, and just yesterday, while watching my son as he stood fastened to his spot, I had a thought.
A question or two for myself, especially as it pertains to my personality and my instincts for playing this game called life.
Am I more interested in my stats—in my taking the charge toward raising the score? Or, am I content in my role as a team player … a thumb’s upper … an attaboy and attagirl cheerer? Do I see myself as a lone ranger in the game or as an integral part of a process that calls for my participation rather than my sole determination? Where is my comfortable fit?
For those of you who know me, you don’t have to linger very long with that question. My instincts for the game fall in line with those of my older sons. I have a tenacious and persistent resolve for driving up the scoreboard. I feel the tremendous need to walk a victory at every turn, and quite honestly, am often disappointed if I’m not part of the reason behind the win. If it’s going to be, I’ve got this idea that it’s always going to be up to me.
And while I am confident that God appreciates my willingness to dig in and drive hard to the basket for a score, yesterday He gave me the gift of a contrasting option. An option that allows for “passing the ball” on occasion rather than feeling the need to carry the load of the victory in selfish isolation.
Some days are meant for my full throttle run up and down the length of the court. Some days are meant for my obligatory thumbs up to my teammates as I park it on the bench and watch them raise the score. All days lend themselves to my participation, but not all of them need my frontline stats to bring a victory home for the team.
True in theory; more difficult to live in the everyday. But I need to … live it, even as I preach it.
Today, He’s asking of me a hard question, the answer of which speaks the truth about how I am choosing to “play” this life that I’ve been given. Simply put…
Do you trust me with your bench time, elaine?
Deeper still…
Are you willing to go there, elaine, … to step aside and offer up your support while your teammates have their go at running up the scoreboard?
Further still…
Is it enough, elaine, to simply be on the team or do you prefer to single handedly be the team?
Good questions; a painful wrestling and just exactly the pondering that I was left with as I watched my son leave the court at the conclusion of his game, no worse for the wear and completely at peace about his level of participation in the matter.
Could it be that after 42 years of doing life, the time has finally come for a shift in my thinking about my participation in the matter? Could it be that after over fifteen years of watching my children play sports, I’ve finally come across a child who more fully understands the art of team play and who is willing to log bench time as well as court time because he knows that all of his time belongs to a plan intended to bring about a good and final conclusion?
Yesterday’s conclusion may not have been the conclusion that I wanted. After all, I’m after a win. But as I enveloped my son in my arms after the buzzer blew, and as I listened to him describe the game in as much vivid detail as his eight-year-old mind could articulate, I’m not so sure that we didn’t get a win.
For Jadon, all of life is pretty much a win, whether on the bench or whether staying glued to his position on the court. Either way, he enjoys the gift of participation. And that, my friends, is a contrasting option that I need to receive as my own.
Thus, I am going to spend a few days on the bench this week watching you run up the scoreboard, all the while offering up my thumbs and my hearty cheers on your behalf.
I am not running this race alone; if “it’s” going to be, then “it’s” going to be up to all of us to see it through to conclusion. Sometimes from the bench. Sometimes sweating it out on the court, but all of the time, loving the game because I’ve been allowed to play it with you by my side.
I can’t think of a finer group of teammates with whom to pass the ball. Consider it passed, sweet friends. Play well. Play hard, and do it all for the love and glory of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I’ll see you on the other side of my bench time. As always,
Elaine,
I, too, have been being asked the hard questions by the Lord recently. I haven’t blogged about it yet and may not. I’ll wait and see where He leads. He is re-focusing me on Him and taking my focus off the stats of ministry–actually His ministry.
Thanks for a compelling post!!
Leah
Wow. How thought-provoking.
I heard once, at a conference, that if you are in ministry, truly for the ministry and not your own self-promotion, you would easily and eagerly hand it off to someone else if you thought they could better further its cause. This post brought that thought back to mind and has made me think, once again, about the motives behind what I claim to do for the kingdom. Great stuff to chew on this afternoon!
Blessings, sweet friend,
Melinda
Wise wisdom indeed Elaine. Part of being mature in Christ is helping those that come behind, to lead and nurture and feed them. And part is knowing when to step aside to let them step up and carry the ball.
It certainly takes setting our ego and enthusiasm on the shelf and trusting the game plan to our real Coach. Thanks for your heartfelt example.
I wonder if there are areas in my life where its time to sit for a bit and give others the opportunity to step up. Beth Moore talked briefly about this in her Patriarch’s Bible study..about what we do when we’re in ministry and someone else runs with our idea, or succeeds in a way we’ve wanted to. If we can cheer their success, knowing in the end the Kingdom is glorified, we know our hearts are in the right place.
Blessings to you!
Kelli
Lessons from the stands of life, Elaine. I so agree with you — that’s why I started Word Chicks…because it’s not about us as individuals; we are the BODY of Christ, and we each have our part.
My prayer for you (and all the Word Chicks) is that we succeed in fulfilling God’s call on our lives as writers and speakers, even if it includes “bench time”.
By the way, I love the cute pic of you and your boy. I especially love the “thumbs up”. Way to go, mom! 🙂
Adorable picture – and such important questions for all of us. Praying that I can rejoice in whatever God allows me to do.
I struggle with the same issues at times, wanting to be the person who always “makes things happen.” Unfortunately, I reach the point of burnout. Then, I find myself enjoying the bench a little too much, perfectly content to keep it warm. I’m sort of at that point right now…very comfortable on that bench!
What a precious picture of you and Jadon! Loving the thumbs-up!
I am having a Pay It Forward contest on my blog. If you are interested, check my latest post.
Love you, Elaine. Have an awesome week….
Beth
P.S. Please pray for Bo. He’s had a pretty miserable weekend with TMJ syndrome AND strep. Thanks.
adorable picture! He has the most innocent face and you were loving being where you were…sharing in his life of TODAY : )
I absolutely love seeing parents enjoying watching their kids participate…time wonderfully well-spent.
I believe i’m somewhat on the bench right now; it seems to be a time of separation. What will I hear Him saying and what will it mean for tomorrow?
As always…a thought provoking post. Speaking personally, I've always thought of myself more like Jadon…but whether that is actually true or not requires some thought and prayer. Thanks for giving me something to ponder and pray upon this week…
Love & blessings,
Tracy
P.S. Thank you for your kind prayers. Surgery went well and I'm feeling almost back to normal!
I have found that the bench is provided for a reason. We all have game-time and bench-time. Time when I’m the MVP, and time when I’m the “water-girl”, with my position to refresh others and encourage from the sidelines.
Funny…we brought home the Annual Report for our church today, and it’s the first time since we started attending the church that my name doesn’t appear somewhere in it. Although ‘active’ I’m a supporting-player right now and it’s others who have the turn of being recognized. Not always easy to pass that ball, but I need the refining and purifying that accompanies this position.
Sitting beside you on the bench while happily cheering on the team,
Joy
PS. LOVED the picture! You both look like winners!
Oh, Elaine, You definitely touched a nerve in my soul today!!!
For those of us who have to be “on the court” and find it oh so very hard to sit on the bench, this is definitely something for us to pray about. I talked to God about this very thing, and continue to struggle with it a bit, after leaving our home church after many years in service there. It has been very difficult to leave behind those things that “I” created there – things where “I” was the coach!! I have had to work on my perspective and turn it into leaving those things behind that “God” did there, and maybe He has someone new in mind to continue or improve on them (ouch!! that one hurts a lot!!!)
For those of us that are control freaks, this is a struggle, struggle, struggle!!! I think there is a very fine balance here. God gives us all gifts to use in various ways. I believe that my gift is that of organizing and getting people to do things. I am a leader, and while I don’t necessarily think that is a bad thing, I know that it is something that I have had to “tame” a bit at the new church we are going to. I fear being seen as “taking over”.
Something for me to think about once again and pray that God will refine that personality trait in me so that everything I do is for HIS glory and not mine!!
Thanks again for words of wisdom!!!
Our pastor taught on David and Jonathan… and reminded us of how important it is to have Jonathans in our lives… within days I had two ladies come up and thank me for being their Jonathan.
I’ve gotten so used to being a Jonathan… that when God asks me to step up to be a David… I resist.
Right now my David assignments are… I’m prepping to teach on Abigail (any of your insight would be appreciated!)… and planning a women’s retreat that includes a Beth Moore LPL conference.
I pray special blessings for you during your bench time this week, Elaine. I’m more than ready for some bench time right now myself, but the situation with my MIL is demanding that I press on. (I’m trying to work in some mini-bench times, though, as I can!)
By the way, absolutely LOVED the picture!
Another great post! I’ve been sitting on the reading bench for a while, and I know to expect winners here!
Hugs to you!
A beautiful and poignant piece. It reminds me of a lesson I once had to learn ( or, rather, had to learn many times) – a lesson about significance – what it is, and what it isn’t. Looks to me like the little one has his significance-factor working on all cylinders.
It took me a long, long time to work that out, if even I have.
Huge hug,
Kathleen
WOW, Elaine! You’ve been reading my mail again. I really needed this right now – I’m starting a new job tomorrow and have worried about maintaining my online adventures. Your post wacked me right between the eyes – God was already telling me I’m supposed to just write as I can and never mind the stats! Thanks for sharing:)
Good questions…tough questions. I prefer being on the team and cheering but m thoughts as I read your post were “how are you scoring with God Pam-do you score some points for Him today?”.
It’s all about Him, not me.
blessings.
In His Graces~Pamela
Elaine, there is so much I want to say about this that I don’t know what to say, if that makes sense. I’ll just say this: I get you, girl. I’m thinking of you and I will be praying that you lean into your lessons. We will ALL be better for it.
wifeforthejourney:
A post that comes close to home for me….To everyone in blog land, my competitive nature has always found an outlet in sports, even though I am no athlete. Our youngest son is truely wired more for love of his friends, instead of love of the game.
Thanks elaine, for another present day parable to start my busy week at the church!
Love you,
Billy
Except for a few brief moments of discouragement after another “L,” Jadon wants to say “bye” to his friends and then to know where we are going for lunch.
Oh you brought back some long lost memories today for sure! My kids were all involved in sports espcially the two girls. My husband and I coached many a games in their younger years but I remember having to wait and count for the day my daughter [in High School] would shoot her 1000th point in basketball. It happened on an ‘away game’ court in a split second and I think I actually missed it. Luckily we taped it and the game stopped for her presentation. Oh – those were HARD days. You have many more of them ahead. Hang on!
I loved what you wrote about your kids lacing up their shoes – they “always play to win!”
That’s what I desire for my life – that I would play to win – the abumndant victorious life that God has for us NOW – not just waiting in heaven – it starts right here and now!
What a beautiful post and reminder – we are a team out there in the kingdom – not a self-supporting effort! UGH! This smacked me in the face today – but God’s Hand is gentle even so!
Sometimes we must sit down and allow God to use the others He is working on – to step up and play on the first string! Wow! Let’s really seek to be that team for His glory – and even ‘sit the bench’ when others need to get in the game too!
Looking UPward and Choosing JOY,
Stephanie
Elaine,
Do you ever come away from penning your words with wow…now that is a thought. Or wow, that came from with-in me because of You Lord? Just curious, if your ever amazed with peace for the journey.
I certainly am….awed, amazed and thankful.
Love ya,
Yolanda
Wow! This is good Elaine.
Taking your seat on the bench is very difficult, especially when your winning. It’s hard to let go.
I’ve been struggling with this a lot lately.
Wonderful thoughts! Love the picture of you and Jaden. And oh to have the heart of an unselfish child like this! Thank you so much for sharing these words of wisdom with us. Enjoy your bench time!
Marilyn
Oh this spoke VOLUMES to me today. I too have a competitive side…but in my case, it is not motivated by excellence. I even went through a season where I thought that if I were to get certain opportunities, I’d prove to the “team” in question that I should be a part of their team. So the part about offering support to the team is what meant so much to me. Most of the time, I find that now I am content with offering support–maybe because I know that it's either that or nothing at all, so I'll take what I can get. But there are times that I still struggle with it. A few days ago was one of those times, so thank you for helping me put things in perspective again. 🙂
♥ & hugs,
Andreea
Loved this post! You made me think about so much and what my role is in life. Thank you! Hope you take a good rest–and that many of us catch the ball and play hard!
Amazingly sweet photo! If I could I’d put in two little thumbs up here also ~ so just imagine they’re cute ^ ^ xox, Grace
Oh wow, another great post Elaine.
I love your son’s heart, he is just adorable.
GREAT picture!!
Been missing you♥
Is it enough, elaine, to simply be on the team or do you prefer to single handedly be the team?
I could’ve submitted my name there…wow, did I need to hear that question!
Very well said Elaine. I have struggled with this “Question” for quite some time. I have a control problem. I know it. I acknowledge it, but have failed to do anything about it but wear myself out. I really need to “let go” if you will of some power struggles and be a sideliner for a while. Who knows I may just enjoy it way too much! Have a great day in the Lord! See you tonight!
Elaine,
The Lord and I are doing something over at my blog. Come take a look. We’d love to have you join us.
Leah
So as I got further into what you were writing here I found myself wanting to yell out…yes, Yes, YES!!!
This is so where I have been this past year. I want to fight the good fight…and if I saw someone who was not covering there area…I would cover mine and theirs too….so we could win the game.
But God has asked me to sit now…and yes, there have been times when I have tapped the coach on the shoulder and said, I am ready to get back in the game now. And with almost a sternness on His face He has said, I will decide when you are ready to get back into the game.
At first this hurt….then I realized the purpose was not only for me…but for the others on the team. While I sit I will keep myself warmed up so that when He gives me that nod I will be ready to go to the buzzer keeper and let them know I am ready to get back to the floor. Just the thought makes my blood pump.
Till then….you will find me on the bench cheering the others on and listening as He instructs the others on how to win the game.
Good post girl….
Wow! What great thoughts to ponder and pray about! Sometimes, during a season, that’s exactly where God NEEDS us to be. Maybe not our wants, but His needs.
And a little child shall lead them!!
Love you!
Susan
Darlin’ picture!!
Hi friend…great post. You and I would make a great Olympic team together, you know that?!?
Thank you for the thumbs up today. I will have to fill you in later about all that is going on…I’m at a coffee shop and my writer’s group is here!
This is an inspiring post the Lord has laid on your heart, Mrs. Elaine. It reminds me of that verse about encouraging one another, and all the more as we see the day approaching. Also, that verse about all coming to maturity in the faith. We are being built up as living stones in a spiritual house built by God on the foundation of the Lord Jesus Christ (Ephesians:)
Blessings, love in HIM, and ((HUGS)) to you,
katiegfromtennessee
To run with others, to enjoy the race for the sake of the warm breeze and passing fields… that would be joy.
Great analogy Elaine. I’ve been the team and been on the bench and I’m learning to enjoy both. The secret is that each is satisfying in its season.
I’ve been on the bench for a season and it appears that I’m going to be called into play again. It’s exciting, but scary at the same time. My bench has a comfy spot that’s just the right size for my derriere; playing is a lot more work!
May God give you rest and peace and a new sense of His presence as you “sit this one out.” And may you come back refreshed and ready to take on the next challenge when you’re ready to get back into the game.