brokenness | Elaine Olsen

Category Archives: brokenness

The Painful Truth

April 2, 2009

“Thomas said to him, ‘Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?’ Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.’” (John 14:5-6).

Her question paused my spirit last night. Not because I wasn’t prepared for its arrival, but rather because of the pain that was attached to its speaking. It is a pain that often fastens itself to questions that root the deepest—questions that linger hard and long in the murky waters of uncertainties. Questions that surround a soul with a needful longing for clarity. Questions that require our participation because our minds and our hearts are equally invested in the answers therein.

It’s not easy to entreat them … to be the recipient of hard questions. Still and yet, it is a privilege to be trusted with their asking, for in doing so, we are given the rare privilege of influence. Of speaking something of worth and value into a pain that is intent on consumption … on paralysis, on keeping a soul from moving beyond its confinement.

That is what I faced last night. A suffering moment that required a wisdom beyond my years and my limited understanding about why life sometimes seems to portion out raw and rough and rude, almost always with inadequate notice. Her question doesn’t breathe in isolation. I’ve been receiving many of them as of late. They seem to find me, despite my inability to “fix” anything to the contrary. And last night, as I tossed and turned and tumbled her question over in my mind, I had a thought as it pertains to this “answering” of pain. It has stayed with me throughout the day.

Pain deserves the truth. Not preferences.

Read it again, and pause to consider its worth.

Pain deserves the truth. Not preferences.

You and I are living in a pain-saturated society. If not our personal pain, then the pain of a people we love … a people we commune with, celebrate life with, go to church with, work with, shop with, “internet” with, share our resources with, partake in this world with. We are a people living with pain’s insistence, and when it comes knocking, it warrants our respect, our notice, and our involvement. It means to do so.

Pain’s knocking is our invitation to involvement. Rarely do we welcome its intrusion, but almost always are we forced to swallow its intention. Thus, pain deserves more than our menial attempts at soothing. Pain deserves more than our coddling preferences that band-aid the ache without ever touching the wound. Pain deserves more than our religious speak and our fast forward approaches to its release.

Pain deserves the truth.

And lest we think that any truth will do (for many are prone in their thinking that truth seeds relative), there is only one truth worthy of a pain’s trust … a pain’s receiving … a pain’s taking. It is not a truth embedded in philosophy. A truth not formulated by man’s attempt at having life make sense. A truth not vetted or promoted on the talk show circuit. A truth not rooted in a guru or a mantra or a set of rules for “becoming a better you.”

None of these “truths” are ample enough, strong enough, steady and sure enough to answer the problem of pain. They fall flat and soothe simple and, at the end of the day, inaccurately treat the intrusion of suffering.

Pain deserves better. Pain deserves the truth; not contradictions. Not maybes. Not a #1 best-seller, but rather, it deserves the certitude and confidence of all creation. Pain deserves the smoldering wick of an eternal flame—a truth that was lit on the front side of Genesis and that continues its watch through until forever. And that truth, my friends, does indeed exist. Truth has a name. It was given to Him before the very foundation of the world.

Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God.

The Word made flesh, living among us for a season; living within us for always through the power of his abiding and Holy Spirit. He is only Truth who is worthy of a pain’s holding. He is the only Truth who understands the depths of a pain’s intention.

Thus, when pain finds its way to our door, the only Truth that serves truthful, that proves useful, that lasts lasting, is the One who is well familiar with our griefs and our sufferings (Isaiah 53:3). He walked the road of suffering so that we could better walk ours. And if for some reason we think that our road should walk pain free, then we have missed a deeply rooted tenet of our faith.

To take up our cross and follow after Jesus is to resolutely walk the path of his intention (Luke 9:23-24, 1 Peter 4:12-13). To be like Jesus, we are called to walk like Jesus. And His walk, fellow pilgrims, was painted with suffering. Not suffering for suffering’s sake, but suffering for our sake, so that when it, too, becomes ours in smaller measure, we will better understand how to walk it through.

With a Truth that is transparent and real and willing to share in our sufferings and with a purpose that often times hides its intention but is, nevertheless, present and profitable for our sacred transformation.

Pain deserves the Truth. It deserves our notice, and then it deserves our release to the Truth. We may never understand pain’s grip on this side of eternity. We may never have the perfect words to offer on behalf of pain’s intrusion into the lives of others. But if we hold the light of Jesus Christ in our hearts, then we hold enough … more than enough … to lead us onward in victory.

Pain doesn’t get the final word in our many matters, friends. Neither do our preferences. Truth does. Thus, when pain comes knocking and brings her questions accordingly, may we always find our words and our trust anchored in the eternal Flame who lights us home and burns us brightly as we go. Thus, I pray…

Seed your Truth within my flesh, Father. Root Him deeply and burn Him brightly, regardless of the suffering going on around me and in me. Where there are questions, answer them with Truth. Where there are tears, dry them with Truth. Where there is suffering, cover it with Truth, and where there is doubt, replace it with the Truth. Keep my heart and my tongue ready with the Truth, so that on all occasions your Truth stands at the podium and my understanding submits to Truth’s shadows. May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart, always be found acceptable in thy sight, Oh Lord, my Strength, my Redeemer, and my absolute Truth. Amen.

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Living Stones from Brokenness…

March 2, 2009

“But as you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by men but chosen by God, and precious to him—you, also, like living stones are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices to God acceptable to him through Jesus Christ.” (1 Peter 2:4-5).

Last night, I had the consecrated privilege of being with the women of Kenansville Baptist Church and of bringing them the night’s “entertainment” for their annual ladies’ banquet. I had no idea what was “on” the menu, and I’m certain that they could have said the same regarding my contribution to the evening.

Each year, they gather in rich fellowship to enjoy a delicious meal served to them by the men of their church—men donned in their crisp white linen and bow ties and with the gentility to rival any star five maitre’d. The tables were themed and decorated according to individual liking—an unspoken contest of sorts. Some with the rich decadence of roses and gold and textured linen. Some with the more casual of camping and family memories and snowmen. All tables were immaculately laid with the finest love and care of heaven.

Kenansville, NC. Perhaps not the place that the casual passerby would peg for fine dining; still and yet, the place of its happening last night, and I felt so honored to simply be the recipient of such a lavish consideration.

During the savoring of delectable cheesecakes and while the coffee was sipping hot, I was asked to share the “word” that God had laid upon my heart. It was a hard fought word for me … one that had been working its way in and out of me for the better part of three months as I prepared for our evening together.

It is a word that has confronted me, challenged me, and forced me to a deeper point of understanding as it pertains to my place within the grand scheme of God’s breathing and extraordinary kingdom.

Becoming a “living stone from brokenness.”

To articulate the depth of what that “phrase” has meant to me over the past several years would take too long. Still and yet, I tried, at least for the better part of forty-five minutes. I imagine its truth to be a “word” that will continue its shaping over me in the days and seasons to come.

Why?

Because I, like you, live in a broken world where pain and grief and all manner of sufferings will occasionally be our portion. If not in our own flesh, then most certainly in the lives of those who share our tables and our pews. And while I’ve not had a bad life, I’ve had a broken one at times; I bet that you could voice the same.

The true measure of a difficult season’s worth doesn’t always shine forth in the immediate. That’s the way of brokenness. It buries. It works us and sometimes wearies us to the point of no longer believing that our lives were meant for anything more than simply “holding on” and “getting through.” I know. I’ve lived it, and I’m not so far along in my life with Jesus to occasionally revisit that view and hold it as my own. But here’s the truth of the matter—God’s truth, not the truth according to me and my weary worn flesh.

Living stones are the way and life of a resurrected heart. To be the contrast—to walk and ruminate in the death and dying of a rubbled estate—is not to take Jesus and his suffering for what it was … for what it continues to be.

Our ticket to freedom.

Not freedom from the carrying of our own cross. The cross is the way of the crucified life. But the freedom in knowing that it can be done, through us and most days, in spite of us because within us is the pulsing and breathing witness of the One who enables us to rise and live above the truth of our broken estate.

No one has ever known and will ever know the full measure of the brokenness that our Savior willingly took upon himself on our behalf. If anyone had a reason to balk at the weight and the carry of some heavy stones, it was our Lord. But he didn’t, and he doesn’t, and for us to think that Calvary didn’t matter—that it was all for nothing because somehow we’re still considerably burdened and wearied by the load that we shoulder—well, that is to miss the mystery and the truth of a living stone’s surrender.

When we bring them all—the broken and the battered stones of our past … of our now—when we surrender them to the foot of the cross and release them to the hands of the One who earned the privilege of holding them as his own, then we, like the living Stone, become the makings of an eternal kingdom that is meant to last.

Your broken … my broken, cemented and rooted within the brokenness of the cross, stands as a living witness and monument to the truth of God’s magnificent grace.

It doesn’t make sense, but it sure paints lovely. More than the eyes can see, more than the ears can hear, and more than the mind can imagine. An incomparable glory that shines with the fingerprints of God as he works our broken into his portrait called forever.

Living stones from brokenness. Our gift to God’s “kingdom come.” Our surrender to God’s “kingdom now.”

What a honor to offer Him my everything. What a humbling to be allowed to write it and to join alongside Him in nights like last night, when I am given the platform to speak it. May I never get over and beyond my awe of such moments. Thus, I pray…

Thank you, Father, for the gift of brokenness. For the truth of what it means to you as you work it into your kingdom plans and your living witness. I don’t have much to offer you beyond what I have lived, and what I have lived has not always been my best; still and yet, you ask for it, and your asking is enough to warrant my surrender in the matter. Make me a living stone, Lord; one like You that breathes with the story of Calvary’s grace and that sings with the melody of heaven’s love. Humbly I bow before your throne and thank you for the consecrated privilege of sacred participation in your kingdom. Amen.

~elaine