the best story teller I’ve ever come across. When I was a child, I spent many nights being whisked away to imaginary places via his one-of-kind narratives. Over the years, I have come to appreciate his flare for the dramatic as it pertained to his make-believe stories, but more importantly, as it pertains to the Story–the one that levels real and provocative and life-giving everytime it is heard. My father’s heart beats for his Father, and thus, it is my privilege to share a little bit of his writing with you this weekend.
My dad (most affectionately known as Chuck to friends and as “paps” to his grandkids) writes a weekly word to his friends. The piece below was sent to me today, and I wanted to share it with you. It got me thinking (my father’s words always have a propensity to voice accordingly) about my early memories and how they seeded their story into mine–even 42 years down the road.
So without further fanfare … meet Chuck. My dad. The first man who ever held me in his arms and spoke his love into my heart. Enjoy hearing from his today.
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- “We are always in the process of writing and rewriting the story of our lives, forming our experiences into a narrative that makes sense.”
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- “Darkness is the place where you find renewal.”
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- “Your questions are your quest. As you ask, shall you be.”
- “Love isn’t finding a perfect person. It’s seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”
Well, there is one more quote I would like to give you. I was in a workshop with Sam Keen a few years ago and the memorable quote from that workshop was, “Tell me your three earliest memories and I will tell you what you are working on right now.”
My earliest memories? Let me give it try.
1. Dr. Thompson and his black bag
I was four years old. I had what they called “the old fashioned measles”, with a temperature of 105 degrees. I was told years later that Mom and Grandma hovered over me for days, wiping my fevered brow, fearing for my life. That I don’t remember, but what I do remember is Dr. Thompson, standing at the front door with his little black medical bag, talking to Mom. Years later, I was told that it was a grim conversation. The doctor was not only concerned about my survival, but that the high temperature could be harmful to the brain.
My first memory had to do with fear; fear of dying.
2. The tar-papered house
That is how my parents’ first home was described to us kids—a tar-papered house on Sam Hay’s farm. I remember the day they took us to the place where the house once stood. All I could see was a patch of sandy soil filled with sand burrs. They told us about their furniture, too; orange crates for cabinets and an old pot-bellied stove. It was that stove that got our attention as Mom told us about the fire.
She told me that on the night of the fire, she needed to go to her parents’ home for an errand and had debated whether she should just leave me sleeping in the cradle or wake me and bundle me up. She decided on the latter and took George, Patty, and me along. When we returned the house was in flames. Again, I could have died that night.
While I obviously didn’t remember that night, I do remember that day when the story was told and how I was revisited with a fear, a fear of not being in the world.
3. First grade with Miss Wilma
I was five when I started first grade. Mother persuaded school officials to allow me to register at five, even though I wouldn’t be six until January. All the details are sketchy but I do recall some embarrassment for having been punished for writing with my left hand. Miss Wilma worked hard to get me to change my writing hand. This infuriated my mother and she made a special trip to the school to inform Miss Wilma that Charlie can write with his left hand if he wants to. And that was the end of that.
Could it be that in that early experience there was programmed in me a sense of insecurity, a feeling that there was something wrong with me, that being left-handed made me strange and odd, and that I was somewhat inferior to others?
Well, there you have it–three of my earliest remembrances. Was Sam Keen right? Am I still working on those issues? I suppose I am.
Ernest Becker in his book, “The Denial of Death”, states that the fear of death is at the heart of all our fears. Philosophically and theologically, I am at peace with the rhythms of life, but there is still this ‘nag’ about what Shakespeare said, “…that undiscovered country from whose bourne no traveler returns, puzzles the will.”
And this whole business of trying to measure up to other people’s expectations, like “I will write right handed if you want me to” is a statement about relinquishment of my own Chuck Killian-ness; affecting self-confidence and self-assurance. From time to time, those old tapes have reared their ugly head.
Those ‘old tapes’ had numerous occasions for bringing on disaster. But they also have been the very places for joyful deliverance, forgiveness, and healing. It was out of the ‘dark night of my own soul’ that I was forced to remember. As Elie Wiesel said, “To forget extends the exile, but in remembrance comes liberation.”
Sam Keen was right, “Darkness is the place where you find renewal.” I am still a fierce believer in the “Light that shines in the darkness, and the darkness will never be able to put it out.” (John 1:3-9). How blessed is one who finds light in the dark places!
~Chuck
For those of you who would like to read a little further about my father, please click here to read a post I wrote about his marvelous gift to me … his voice. Have a blessed weekend. Shalom.
you are blessed to have such a father 🙂
P.S. I’ve tagged you…
Elaine,
You are so blessed to still have your dad. He is a wonderful person so gifted and spiritual. I enjoyed his writing as I also enjoyed hearing him at our church. His stories make me laugh when he tells them. He has such a way! And I love the way he loves the Lord and his Family.
OH Elaine, This was a wonderful story! He made me think back to my earliest memories and wonder if I am too still working on them–I think I am.
Yes, you are blessed to have a father who shares with you like that–I think I could listen to his stories all day!
Fathers are such an impactful element for we girl-children. Your Dad's congruency and love peppered your life with so many good things, and no wonder. What a godly, dear man!
I hurt for all the ladies that did not have dads that nurtured them as only dads can do. It has a way of blighting God's own Father-nature.
What a precious, powerful & poignant trail he's left for you to follow.
Kathleen
Elaine, you are truly blessed. You have a wonderful heritage. As I think back to my earliest memories, many come from stories I heard cuddled on my Daddy’s knee. He too is my favourite story-teller. Lessons from the telling have lingered long.
Precious post. Precious family. Embrace the gift my friend.
Cherishing my roots,
Joy
Thank you for this inspirational post.
Beautiful.
Wow…that was powerful.
I would imagine that this post will cause everyone to look back.
I would say that most of my early childhood memories contain fear or insecurity. Not that there were not some great memories too…but isn’t it funny how the ones that cause such tenderness in our souls stick out the most? And then of course those are the ones who have such a great chance of bringing glory to our Father if we let them. Those experiences make us who we are….and it can all be good if we put those times in His hands. It has taken me a long time to realize that.
Loved reading this from your Dad. I love his style.
The best heart-warming gifts are surprises. My daughter, Elaine, is my ‘heart-warmer’. She was born into our family when we thought we could never have children. Since ‘day one’ with Elaine around, we have never been without delightful and manifold serendipities. It is interesting to see how one person’s story is in part the story of us all. And I am so thankful that our ‘stories’ have criss-crossed in our collective journeys. Chuck Killian
What a kind and insightful father. You are very fortunate, indeed.
Great words, eloquent words, from your dad. I am glad that I can say that I know him personally! Always insightful and caring.
Thanks, Elaine, for sharing.
You are so blessed, Elaine. I wish I could adopt him. Wouldn’t mind having you for a sister, either. 😉
I truly believe the depth of his teaching and the warmth of his style has passed down to you. Wow.
And to Chuck, I’d just like to say, “Thank you.”
This quote has been a constant theme in my life, and I can attest to its validity:
“Those ‘old tapes’ had numerous occasions for bringing on disaster. But they also have been the very places for joyful deliverance, forgiveness, and healing.”
Honestly, it is only by replaying the old tapes in front of the Lord that I have found any of those things. God is so amazing. He allows things, but then enables those things to do a good work in us.
How wonderful you are to have such an amazing man you call father, here on earth. I enjoyed this blog today very much. Please pray for me this week. You can read more in my blog. Love and Blessings.
What a precious blessing! And thanks for sharing you dad with the rest of us. His writing style reminded me very much of yours! 🙂
Elaine, I love your Dad! Love his writing!
…connected with..”I will write right-handed if you want me to”..when I simply got tired of ‘being put in my ‘place’…
what wisdom he has…what a legacy he has left in his ‘heart-warmer’–and it is so true…your writing, your kind gestures…warms my heart…
no wonder you are who you are today…loved…with Hisstamp…
Thank you, Elaine…and Dad..may I call you Dad…my Dad is so far away right now and I miss him.
Elaine, thank you for this post. It's a treasure as is your father.
R&B
Thank you for sharing some of your father with us. Although we live on opposite coasts, I can’t help but feel our physical paths will cross at some point–our blogging paths intersect frequently. It’s interesting to read what your father wrote of “fear of death” being at the heart of us; my latest blog entry definitely resonates with that same concept!
What a wonderful man-gotta love those daddies!! Now we know where your creative side comes from?!?!?
Blessings!
In His Graces~Pamela
What a lovely, blessed, thought provoking post (and man!). I can see where you got your writing gift from (besides your “other” Father). I just may have to do this exercise myself.
~How blessed is one who finds light in the dark places!~
Amen!:)
This is a wonderful story from your father, Elaine. I can see that the apple definitely did not fall far from the tree.:)
What a blessing!
God Bless,
Amy:)
Hi Elaine,
I found this blog because I clicked on a “pretty” button on Lauralee’s blog, and I’m glad I did! This is a really great story, from who sounds like a really great guy! I will have to take some time and read some of your older posts. Good blog! I’ll be back!
What a blessing to have a godly father! I wonder how different my life would have been if my father had been a godly man…
Elaine, thanks for sharing your dad with us! I enjoyed reading about his memories. He’s a good writer!
You are so blessed to have had positive and encouraging words spoken to you at an early age……. There are many of us that did not and life was so hard to figure out……. I was always looking for someone to say those things to me…….. took me down some very very terrible roads…… words…… they can give life or they can postpone life until Jesus walks in………
Beautiful post girl……..
I believe that the relationship we have with our earthly father greatly influences our relationship with our Heavenly Father. Elaine, your faith and love for the Lord, your eloquence with speaking and writing, and the stories YOU share are a direct result of your dad. What an amazing man of God!
I praise God for the relationship I have with my own father. I will always be “Daddy’s Girl.”
P.S. Please read my blog posted this evening (Sunday, Nov. 2) and keep my aunt in your prayers. Thank you.
Thank you for your comment on my blog. Most of all, thank you for your prayers! I’ll be sure to keep you posted, as you requested.
wifeforthejourney:
Thanks so much for allowing your readers another glimpse of your roots. I am a man with no “inlaw” stories to tell; at least no bad stories. You and your father share the gift of being able to draw people out and get us to move beyond the surface of conversation. Not everyone is comfortable with such insightful company, but you and your dad are quite a pair.
Thanks, Chuck, for all that you (and Jane) have imparted to the woman who is my wife and to our children.
One of my earliest childhood memories is of being in the crib at my first home. I remember visions of my room through the “bars” of the crib, knowing my mother was in close by. What a blessing it has been to have lived a life secure in knowing that I have been loved from the very first.
Not all of our memories will be good ones, but thank you for sending me back to a place I have not visited in a very long time.
Love,
Billy
Thank you for blessing us with your dad! For his writing touched my heart and we are kindred spirits in the whole left handed word…I wrote about it on my blog today!
Elaine, for you have be blessed with his writing ability…for you both are gifted…Praise God that you are using those gifts to build His kingdom!
What an incredible blessing!
Love,
Yolanda
Reading your three earliest memories really got me thinking. I think my three are all related to fear; fear of heights, falling and being different. Strange how those early experiences can impact us.
Your dad sounds very wise. You’re very fortunate to have him; cherish him.
Thank you for sharing your father with us. Sometimes I forget that there are actually incredible men who filled their God-given role as a father with honor…. I thank God that my son has one of them!