I had lunch with the sisters last week. I’ve yet to tell you much about them… these three Southern women connected by birth and each of them hovering toward eighty years of age. I first met them on a Saturday before that Monday (August 23, 2010—a date now chronicled as a beginning diagnosis for my cancer). I was sitting with my family in the local Wendy’s; my mind wasn’t on the food. Instead, my mind wandered to other things… possibilities, my “down the road” and what that might look like for me.
Amelia cradled closely beneath the crook of my arm as she ate her chicken. I just stared and pondered while conversation milled about the table. One of the sisters noticed our bonding, and within a few minutes, made her way to our table.
“Excuse me, I’m sorry to interrupt, but have we met before?”
“No, ma’am, I don’t think so, but it seems to me that I might need to know you, and those other two sitting with you.”
Thus began the seeding of a friendship between the sisters and me. We haven’t had much occasion to get together since that Saturday. Life happened and change set in. Still and yet, they are good to remember me… call me, bake for me, send notes to me, and occasionally hang with me for lunch at Wendy’s. Last week, provided one such occasion, and the fellowship was rich.
I said something to each one of them during our gathering—an unrehearsed, unplanned kind of something. Words that spring forth from a deep well of emotion. Something I’ve been thinking about for a few weeks now, and something, I think, worthy of sharing with you in this moment.
“Ladies, don’t be surprised if your best days of mothering lie up in front of you; your finest hour of parenting might yet be up ahead, not in those moments that lie behind you.”
They looked at me, eager for an explanation. At eighty years of age, they probably hadn’t given much thought about their parenting in recent days. Grandkids and great-grandkids are mostly fodder for table talk. But parenting? After all these years? How can that be and what could that mean to these sisters whose children probably date me by a few years.
And then I told them.
About her.
And her finest hour.
My mom.
Never in my understanding regarding the life cycle did I imagine her having to care for me as she is doing. She is thirty years my senior. I should be the one caring for her. Instead, she has opened up her heart and her arms again to gently gather me to her breast and to remind me that I am her child, and that no matter the decades between us, I will always be the little girl who arrived into her arms on an Easter morning back in 1966.
Certainly, I could chronicle many of her “shining moments” over the past four decades as a parent. She is the steady anchor in our family tree. Sacrificial in nature, she’s never required the “stage,” which is a really good thing in our family since most of us are continually vying for the spotlight. I asked her once how she and my father wound up together, how they made it work between them. Her response?“Your dad needed an audience, and I was ready to listen.”
Straight and to the point; never mincing words. Wise beyond her years. When mom speaks, I listen because I know her words are chosen carefully and root from a place of understanding that few others possess. I cherish her influence; I adore her heart; and for all of the ways that she has groomed me, shaped me, taught me, and loved me over the years, I can honestly say that this season in my life has allowed her the one thing that she has often been denied.
The stage. Her shining moment.
It has arrived, friends, and this time we’re all sitting back and watching her speak her lines, take her mark, and watch her as she navigates the spotlight with all the grace and dignity of a queen in her court. She would tell you it’s nothing, that she’s only doing what any mother would do, but I would tell you otherwise. I would tell you that she’s grand and regal and meant for a moment such as this; that this is her season; that I have never needed her more, and that I am willing to be the recipient of her rich love and guidance.
No strings attached; no agenda from my end. Just a little girl caught in a terrible spell of trouble needing the crook of her mother’s arm as she cradles my fragile frame and soothes me with words of truth, comfort, and peace. I think, perhaps, she may not realize this in all the fray and activity of my current chaos. I’m afraid she might downplay her role, and so I wanted to tell you about my mom and extend my thanks to her for her willingness to stand on stage and to live her finest hour so that all may witness its worth.
This is it. And this is enough for me. I hope it is enough for her; she deserves far more than a few meager words of thanks from my heart. Still and yet, even if my words fail to express the emotion I currently feel, they need saying, because words and feelings are a gift we give to one another while there is yet time to release them. We need to “send flowers” while the living are yet amongst us, and we have the occasion to bless them with our sincerity rather than leaving this earthly life without having said much of anything.
I don’t know who’ll make it home to heaven first, me or her. But I know that for as long as God allows us this shared pilgrim road, I’ll keep to her shadows. I’ll bend in closer for a listen every times she speaks, and I’ll make sure to press in for lots of hugs and conversations and tears and love. Why? Because my mom shines like a star these days. She illuminates my world with the light of all heaven, and this is …
her finest hour.
I don’t know how this strikes you today. I want to encourage you as a parent, maybe as a mentor or as a friend to someone in need. Perhaps you think that your finest hour is behind you. That you’ve done all you can do and that there is little hope of you having a further impact on a relationship that’s grown dim or cold or barren of connection. You fear it’s too late for further influence… that your season of persuasion and shaping has exceeded prearranged time limits. That what you think, feel, and want to say won’t have much of an impact on the one who has seemingly lost interest. I’ll tell you the same thing that I told the sisters last week…
“Don’t be surprised if your best days of parenting, mentoring, loving lie in front of you; your finest hour might yet be up ahead, not in those moments that lie behind you.”
God may yet need you to sow some good seed into the hearts of the generation that rests just beneath the crook of your arm. It’s never too late to speak your faith, friends. Never too late to take a chance on loving others and allowing them to be the lavish recipients of God’s great grace via your heart. Never too late to pray a few more prayers, say a few more thoughts, cook a few more meals, hug a few more necks.
There is someone out there who needs the wealth of your years, tenderness, and wisdom. A someone who needs your finest hour. May God grant you, each one, the wisdom to identify that someone, the strength to minister to that someone, and light enough to your stage so that you, like my mother, may be allowed to live a finest hour in keeping with King’s time table.
Oh the beauty of such trust… to be given time by the Father in order to live and to leave a lasting impact upon this generation. Keep to it, friends, keep to the kingdom road, and I will do the same. Shalom and blessed Sabbath rest to you,
What a precious post, Elaine. We NEVER stop being mothers. Praying for you – and so glad you've found the sisters. What a blessing for all of you.
Oh Elaine I found myself in tears through this whole post. I'm not sure why except for maybe I just needed to hear this. Maybe because just as I think I have this "empty nest" thing in it's proper prospective, something happens to let me know the feelings are still there. It is soo true what my mom said to me years ago…"children NEVER stop being your babies…they NEVER stop needing you, wanting you, even LONG after they have left." All 4 of my kids have made this quite obvious to me many times over, and how grateful I am. I am soo glad your mom is there for you and meeting that need of comfort that no one else could touch in just the same way. I've been praying you have been feeling OK. I have found myself wanting to "mother" a certain young woman who has come into my life recently. She is not a Christian, in fact she has lived a VERY wild life for someone who is only 22 years old. But she has NEVER had that mother figure in her life, and oh how evident it is. She is soo hungry for it I can tell. I want to gather her in my arms and tell her everything will be OK. How blessed we have been to have had that. I love the "sisters" story btw. Big hugs to you today, Debbie
Elaine, the beauty of the LORD is dripping through out this beautiful message of LOVE!
Thanks for sharing!
Bless you.
Elaine this was a perfect day for me to read this. There is a chasm between one of my daughters and me – of her choosing, not mine. She's walking a path that I am sure God would not choose for her and she knows that I am saddened by it; therefore, she distances herself emotionally. But she still needs me and I see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice every time she comes over or calls. I can't falter even though I'm tired. I have to persevere in my prayers and my love. blessings, marlene
what a pair of ladies…you and your mother. how the Father must smile at the grace and beautiy exemplified through this precious pair!
thank you for sharing this.
Precious Elaine,
Again, God has given you words to minister to many. How blessed you are to have your Mom and what a priceless blessing you are to her!
I may have told you that I walked a long, hard road with my Mom for 4years until her passing in April 2008. GOD gave me that time to help her, even though our relationship was never what I wanted. Some people are so damaged by life, they can't seem to give up on their hurt, even as their Heavenly Father gives them opportunity.
As far as my children…Yes, I choose to believe that my finest parenting moments are yet ahead of me!
This is a wonderful thought, even as I have to add…though we live so far away!
Thank you for such a hopeful post.
Praying for you! ((HUGS))
Once again, my friend, you have left me in tears and at a loss for words.
Beautiful girl!
I am so glad that God has surrounded you with His arms through your Mom and the sisters.
God is good!
Hugs Elaine, Like Debbie I also had tears brimming while I read this, mainly because I don't have a mom in my life(lost mine when I was 21)but I am so thankful that I am able to pour into the lives of my daughters and their children-such a blessing from the Lord. Thank you for sharing your heart in this, God's heart in this, and give your mom a big hug from me.
Noreen
I am right in the middle of parenting, seven kids ages 13, 12, 6, 4, 3, 1 1/2, and 7 months. There are many days with the oldest 3 especially where I wonder if I've gotten through to them, have I made a difference. Thank you for your words of encouragement to keep at it, that the best is yet to come.
Thank you also for your example of faith and courage in this time of your life – your own finest hour to shine for Jesus.
What a story of selfless love and beauty. There is no doubt that she has mothered you well, and prepared you for what you are currently facing… and you are re-discovering each other at another season in your lives.
You have put together a lovely bouquet of verbal flowers, a eulogy offered to someone who still lives, deliberate, well thought out…
We often wait until it is too late.
I'm so privileged and honored to be reading your beautiful words about such a woman of noble worth.
Keeping you close,
Lidj
oh, how this stirs my heart and how
your mother must love this last chance
at mothering. well, who says it's her
last?
i was walking with my best friend
and saying we would always be mothers
until our last breath.
many blessings on your precious mom.
Oh my friend…what an beautiful tribute to your dear Mom…the lump never left my throat from beginning to end. What an absolute treasure she is!
It encouraged this empty nester's heart to think I'm still needed and that the most wonderful days of mothering are not likely past as I tend to think. Not only that, my "mothering" need not be limited to my dear boy and his wife.
How beautiful the way God orchestrated this friendship with the sisters, too. Don't you just marvel at His hand?
Love & blessings,
Tracy
I'm so happy that you have your Mom there to love on you and comfort you. Having your "new" sisters around, will ease the pain of missing your "ancient" ones. Still miss you dearly lovely one. Looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks. Hugs!
How precious your mother is Elaine. And reading about the sisters was special too. I was unable to have children but hope that I might be able to be there for others like a mom. When we step outside of ourselves, God has many women needing a word of comfort, a hug or a meal.
I read Sassy your email from the other day when we were together. I think I might have even seen a tear well up in her eyes.
Love you and praying for you,
Debbie
Elaine, you have truly inspired me tonight. Thank you for that.
I pray that you feel the crook of HIS arm, too.
what a beautiful, beautiful post and what a great and chosen Mom….your words were awesome…
What a precious mother you have! I am blessed with a precious one, too. Even at my age, when I'm hurting (in my body or in my heart), I seek that crook in my mother's arm, too.
While I may also be dealing with an empty nest, I will always be available to my sons, whenever they need me…and sometimes when they don't! *ahem*
Love you…
P.S. Looks like Momma was gettin' ready to fix some delicious meals for you…yummm!
Elaine, this bouquet of words is more beautiful than flowers anyday! A fitting gift for mother and for friend.
You, my dear one, are standing well against this trial. You joy in the endurance is evident in the faith you confess.
It is in these confessions – these words from the well – that I find my seeds of faith being watered each time I visit here. And while we have not met face to face, we journey together on this "Kingdom road" – heart to heart, step by step and prayer by prayer. Walking alongside – even though miles seperate us!
Shalom,
Denise
You are blessed indeed to have your mother's love and support through this season of your life.
I have a feeling my son will yet need some mothering down the road, though I'm sure he doesn't think so now.
I am mentoring a young woman in prison who is now calling me her "adopted mom". Her own mother has chosen not to have any communication with her.
Thank you for sharing your heart. As always, it is an encouragement and a blessing.
Oh Elaine, Thank you, thank you for how you are continuing to minister so strongly to others (myself included) during this season of your life. Tears were flowing from my eyes also, your words touch deep places inside of me. I did need the encouragement to know that I can still make a difference if I choose. I praise God that you still have your mother, one that has taken the stage!
Whether you realize it or not, you were talking about my mother, too….she was always there when I needed her…and she relished in the fact that she could be of service…I sit here in tears because she is no longer around to help me when needed…even in her last few months of life, living here in my home, she was constantly doing … for me.
How I miss her….enjoy every moment with your mother!
~Beth
Your words about your mom so touched my heart, but I'm pretty sure it is HER heart that will be touchced the most. She is a classic example that we never stop being a mother, it changes, but it never stops.
What a beautiful trubute, Elaine, big hugs to you and your mom.
xo
…and then I read this.
Friend, when you write words of love about the ones you love, I am speechless.
Going to post this on my FB page right now. Thinking and praying for you today.
Something tells me your mother is still crying over this one. You've honored her in such a beautiful way, with witness & words, and the unique love that only a daughter's heart can summon.
Wise words, Elaine. I'll heed them.
Kathleen
Thank you, Elaine! I needed this … I've been feeling sad that my little chicklets are leaving the nest without so much as a backwards glance … They seem to feel that life will be so much better and exciting without mom and dad's rules and influence!
And yet, perhaps my parenting isn't over after all ….thanks for that glimmer of hope.
In a couple weeks I'll have a lumpectomy as a result of my 1st mammogram.
My life wasn't supposed to go like this.
Up until a year ago, I always lived within a 15 minute drive from my mom. But she moved to be 15 minutes from my brother, sister-in-law, and 3 grandchildren. We now live 1600 miles apart. And this has been a very good thing. Until now.
Now I want my mom. I should be blessed to know she is still here on Earth and just a phone call away. At worst a 6 hour flight away.
Reading your story was bitter-sweet. Moms are so important when we women feel like small girls again. We just need our moms, and to feel that child-parent love and all encompassing embracing.
Thank you for sharing such a heart-felt story.
This was so precious! I can 'feel' the bond that you and your mother have when I read your words. What a gift that she is still living and healthy enough to help you now in your time of need! I've never had that through any tough times in my life. I remember how badly I wished I had a Mama each time I gave birth to my own children. I wanted a Mama to give me moral support, to give me advice, and to hold my hand or stroke my fevered brow once again as when I was a little girl. But I've had the privilege to be there for my kids when they've needed me and I love being a Mama! As I know your mother loves being there for you Elaine!
I thought of you tonight at church. The sermon was about Glorying in Infirmities. Preacher talked about how most people who are greatly used of God have one thing in common…some kind of infirmity! And I thought of you and how God is using you through this trial of cancer. I think you'd be surprised if you knew how many people think of and pray for you. People you will never know. People who have no idea what a blog is or how facebook works. People who have just either met you, or heard about you, and God puts you on their hearts. Like He does mine.
Well…my bed is calling me so I'll close this already too long comment!
Love you dear one….
You are so blessed, and you are such a blessing! This post has given me much to think about, as I am squeezed here in the sandwich generation…I will need to read it many times to let it fully impact me.
One thing is for sure…I may be almost 62, but when I am sick, I STILL want my mom…
And just today, as I commented over at Jess's place, I grew weepy thinking of my finest hours of mothering as days long gone…but now YOU can given me another perspective. Oh how I needed to hear this today! Thank you friend!
And thanks Elaine for your SWEET note…I will treasure it! That is so awesome that you had cards made from Shirley's painting.
Have a blessed week and be strong in the Lord!
Elaine, I pray that I will always be to my girls just what they need — just like your mom has been and continues to be for you…
As ever, you're in my prayers!
Elaine, your words here brought a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes. My 91 yr old sweet mama who suffered a terrible fall and two strokes this year still is a light from heaven that shines upon me. Even in her diminishing health and physical challenges she continually blesses me with with her special mothering touch, words and actions filled with His love, mercy, strength and grace. Ohhh, how blessed you and I are Elaine to have been blessed by God to have mothers who continually sow His GOOD seed into our lives!
Also, loved the "Wendy's" sisters story…..such a "biggy sized" Divine connection! PTL!
Continuing to stand with you and lift you before the Throne of Grace!
HE IS FAITHFUL!!
Love and Big Hugs!!!
Jackie
In the craziness of this monday at work I felt a pull to come here…and I have been so inspired. I hope that one day I too will be a mother like yours. My shadow is only 4'11'' and shrinking but I am working so hard on it being enough for our girls to lead them as your mom leads you, to comfort them as your mom comforts you, to love, to support, to carry, to let-go….all of it. She's modeling Jesus and so are you!
Thanks Elaine. You and your mother are two very lucky women to have each other!! As always, you bless me so.
Believing Him~Pamela
wifeforthejourney:
I cannot imagine a son-in-law being more blessed than I am, and what a help and source of comfort she has been to us through the years. You mom is the best, and I cannot imagine a finer tribute to her than what you have written. She is worthy of every word!
Love you and how you have shared your heart today,
Billy
How precious Elaine. So glad has blessed you with sisters to walk with you. Love you and praying for you.
Thank you, Elaine, for sharing this story. I don't care how old we are, many of us still need a mother's love.
May God hold both of you close.
ah yes, you rise and call her blessed. so she is.
love to you both.
Elaine,
Your posts are so very beautiful and heartfelt. This one was especially touching as my sister and mother are not barely speaking and our family is falling apart due to lack of trust, lack of communication, etc. etc. Also, my oldest child is a senior in high school and I am dreading her leaving home, alas you have given me much hope. Also, there are many others out there who need a special touch. Thanks for ministering to us continually!!
praying you are feeling stronger today, dear one!
I love that our finest is ahead. That is a word for us all Elaine. Praying for you. love, B
Oh, what a beautiful blog Elaine!
And this post has touched my heart in a powerful way…I'm typing through the tears. You write from your heart. It's as if we were sitting together chatting over a cup of tea. Just beautiful! I have so many of the same feelings of my mom…although just memories now (she went home on Christmas Eve. six yrs. ago)…and if you knew my mom, you would say…of course…no better day; no better way than for her to be home with Christ…on His birthday…together in heaven. You are so blessed to have the cradle of your mom's arms still available to you to comfort you and share her words of wisdom…nothing like a mother's love, right?! I know she is fully aware of what a blessing you are to her! I'm so glad I came upon your blog via Stacy! I am praying for you, precious one!
Beautiful post, thank you for sharing. Blessings to you Elaine.
Elaine, I love your mother. Thank you for sharing her with us. Thank you for reminding us that… we are not here for ourselves. Your words are beautiful.
Elaine,
I am in love with this post. From beginning to end. You have a way about you that just loves without boundaries and encourages others to do the same. I feel so honored to be able to listen and learn from you. And I sure have a lot to learn!
You show through your words and example how we are all tied so tightly together. Relationships can be so difficult and fractured, but you seem to get right to the heart of it all–with love.
Thanks for being honest, faithful and fearless.
Lots of love,
Kelli
I am 'late' reading this one but right on time! I am so blessed to know of your Mother's finest hour with you — so blessed, so grateful! Thank You, JESUS!
prayers and hugs!
I'm thanking God for you and your precious Mom. Thank you for making my mascara run 🙂
How did I miss this? (Guess I was on vacation…) I need to read and re-read this post. I believe it may have been just for me.