I jokingly commented to my neighbor last evening…
“Of all the women least likely cut out for motherhood and children, somehow I wound up with a quiver full of them.”
I’ve been a mom for at least half of my life—twenty-two years of rearing and raising a brood under my roof. Sometimes getting it right. A lot of time failing miserably at the task of loving, but at all times with the understanding that mothering is a privilege … a sacred trust not to be taken lightly.
With parenting comes pain. Unavoidable pain—good and bad. Good pain issuing forth because of the natural flow of give-and-take while growing a child into an adult. Bad pain because sometimes that growth is accompanied by the willful, stubborn choices of both the parent and the child.
Today there’s some good pain in my heart. An ache not unfamiliar to me as a mother of four beautiful children. Today, my eldest son moves to Charlotte where he will be attending graduate school in the fall. A van load and car load just pulled out a few minutes ago, and my obligatory wave at the end of the drive-way was met with a few tears and the all-too-familiar, wrenching kick to the mothering gut.
I first felt it four years ago when we left the parking lot of Nick’s college campus. Sobbed most of the way home and then sobbed some more when I opened the back door and found a bouquet of flowers waiting for me on the counter. I still have the card on my nightstand.
“I love you so much! Thanks for an incredible 18 years. I am so grateful to have you as a mother and you have my love and respect. Reliant K writes: ‘If home is where the heart is, then my home is where you are.’ Your Son, Nick XOXO” (August 18, 2007)
Today there are no flowers to greet my pain. Instead, I take one from my quiver and give it back to the world. Today I release my “twenty-two-year-old, so-much-like-his-mother” son to his life as an adult. Today I trust and believe in those two plus decades’ worth of heart investments that we’ve made together knowing that they have been enough to grow a boy into a man. A man of honor, respect, depth, and godly intention.
I will “not be put to shame when my enemies come and contend with me at the gate.” My son’s got my back. Nicholas, he whose name means “victory of the people” is strong and courageous and will be a leader in this world. A name well-suited for this man who has overcome many obstacles in his short tenure upon this earth and who has always done so in the light and shadow of the cross.
It’s time for you to run,my boy. Time for you to live your life as a man. This mother will miss you; but even more so, this mother is ready to release you to the world.
Live it like you mean it, Nicholas, and always, always, always, take good care of your heart. I love you this big.
Mom
What an absolutely BEAUTIFUL post Elaine! You must be so proud…it will be exciting to see God's plans for your son unfold! Have a blessed day! 🙂
Tears. My heart holds the same love and prayers in my heart for my son. This is precious Elaine. You made a good investment into his life over the years. Praying his heart will always remain true to the One who created him and loves him even more.
Hugs,
Joy
Wow. Did this bring some memories flooding bad to my own mother's heart!
I thought I'd prepared myself for THAT day … the one you speak of so eloquently about the "letting go". I was so ready, only to discover that there's no such thing. When the fully fledged take flight, it begins a new chapter for both them and us – – like it or not (and I confess, I didn't like it one bit!).
Well, for what it's worth: I stand there on that driveway with you, Elaine. I'll just linger for awhile …
How well I know the feelings you're describing here, Elaine. I've not had sons, but I've had to release my daughters to the world. I know what it's like to cry all the way home from a college campus, too, but how blessed are we when we can release them to the world knowing that they will be okay because they are such fine people?! Blessed indeed!!
Just yesterday posted some pics of a releasing of my own a few years ago — Kristin and Shawn's wedding pics. Bet you will love them! 🙂
Elaine…long time no talk but this posting brought tears to my eyes for I know the feeling oh so well. Your son is a wonderful person raised by good people strong in their faith. Good luck Nicholas…enjoy what life has to offer you!!!
Patty Pfeiffer
From every mother out there who reads this… a tear and heart of love, for your kids and ours, and a thanks for the sharing of this day, in Nick's life, and the lfe of his mom. The driveway and the final wave are as fresh as my mind as though it were yesterday…
Precious.
xo
your writing and heart made me cry. then I got chills. good job with that handsome young man, mama!
Another milepost passed. I look back and remember a few of my own and shed a tear or two with you. May God bless this one in a special way and "his world" through him.
Well, I'm just boohooing all over the place! It's not easy to let our children go…not one bit. I'm going through some of those same emotions since the wedding.
I have no doubt that the seeds you planted during Nick's growing years will reap a bountiful harvest.
There's nothing like a mother's love for her children…thinking of you and praying for you!
Hugs…
Oh Elaine how I relate with this post. How many of us mama's have stood in those very shoes and felt those same mix of emotions? I'll never forget the day my youngest graduated from college, a mere two weeks before her wedding and it truly hit me for the first time that this was really it. My youngest was ready to face the world and I'd have to let go for the last time. Oh the tears that hit me that day. And the joy…and the excitement to see what the future would bring. Your boy sounds soo wonderful (that note was just precious) and how proud you must be. God bless Nick as he begins this new chapter in his life! HUGS, Debbie
I pray for your letting go Elaine. What a beautiful gift he left in the note. Those words always apply. May the Lord bless him with the knowledge of who He is daily and give his mama peace as she keeps to it. I am thankful we met. Your turtle friend, B
Praying, dear Elaine – your post blessed me.
Just took BOTH my kids to a week long sleepover camp. A little bit of letting go preparing me for the ever bigger ones to come.
Just stopping in to say 'hello' and that I love you, pray for you often and hope to see you in sept.
[maybe]!
Choosing JOY in this season,
Stephanie
I have one word for this post – and for this whole thing called motherhood – bittersweet.
It is a journey, being a mother – a long journey with dark valleys, and high mountaintops. Sometimes we run along, and sometimes the way is rocky and we stumble. But always, always, these two things are true:
We LOVE our children, more than life itself – and we LOVE the Lord who loves them even more than that.
He alone is the One who can offer *peace for the journey* that is motherhood.
Best of luck to Nick – he will run with His Lord, big and strong and courageous.
GOD BLESS, Elaine – (I've got to go get a Kleenex now… 🙂
That young man has a good foundation and a mom he can rely on…..He will do well. God bless you both, Elaine!!
Just by sharing your good pain, tears flow down my cheeks, thousands of miles from where you are. But I know how it feels.
It's not really good-be, it's a mother eagle allowing her eaglets to fly out into the world.
Elaine, your video post on Luke 21 two weeks ago really captured my heart. I referred to it a bit on my latest blog entry.
You have been such an encouragement to me. Thank you.
Keeping you close…
Lidj
I have 19 more to cherish time with my youngest before we move her into her freshman dorm. I seem to be on a roller coster of emotions going from proud and excited to nervous and unsure. Last week I wrote about how I worry if I have taught her enough only to realize that they learn more by what we do than what we say. I pray I have walk the walk in front of her as I should.
Lovely post, brought back such memories, I remember going through the same thing with my son. He was so excited, ready to start the next chapter of his life and I was just trying to hold it together.
It's a moms heart.
Blessings to you
Ever so bitter sweet. You have blessed the world with your son and we thank you.
Brought tears to my own eyes hearing and seeing you let go of Nick. It's been about 10 years since our youngest left and moved into his own home to pursue his own dream. You have four beautiful arrows in your quiver Elaine!
May God bless you in a special way this week is my prayer!
Marilyn…in Mississippi
Absolutely beautiful Elaine.
My boys are still way too young to be leaving the nest, but I know in the scheme of things it comes all too quickly. I pray they can take some of those lessons with them as well when they go out into the world.
Have a Blessed Day!
Hey Elaine:)
This post is so sweet for your son, Elaine!:) Soo precious is your writing about motherhood. I agree, it is an honor, challenge, and blessing to raise kiddles:)
You know Elaine, I haven't been by much recently as I have been wallowing in my own self pity, and in some ways for similar reasons. I returned on Monday from taking my 'husband's remains' to his mom. Tears streaming down our faces as we too said our good-byes to someone we have loved well.
We will never again see this loved vessel this side of heaven yet he is in our future.
You are strong Elaine and from what I have read, done an amazing job as a mom to all of your arrows:)
Blessings to you sweet friend!!
Cindy
Beautiful post Elaine! My heart is wrenched each time I say "good-bye" to my children, too. But, I trust them to the God who loves them even more than I do! They are safe in His mighty hands. You must be so pleased with your son going off to graduate school! Congratulations to him and to you!
Blessings, Joan