“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in your richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word of deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (Colossians 3:15-17).
Been to a church council meeting lately? You may not call it as such, but if your heart and life revolves around the church, committee meetings and the like are common fare.
I’ve long since given up going to council meetings. Not because they are unimportant, but rather because emotions usually are the rule of the day rather than reason. And when emotions rule, words flow freely. I know. I was the reason behind Jesus’ words in Matthew 12:34:
“For out of the overflow of the heart a mouth speaks.”
Thus, I no longer attend. I have a very difficult time in keeping my tongue when others are liberally offering theirs in all matters. It doesn’t mean that I’m better than anyone; it simply means that I’m choosing not to enter the fray. And when you’re a preacher’s wife, that fray invariably involves the leadership or perceived lack thereof of said preacher husband.
We know the wounding of words. We’ve got the scars to prove it. And while some would say it comes with the job, I say otherwise.Words are never meant for the wounding. Instead, they are given to us as a gift from God for the teaching and admonishing of one another with the wisdom of heaven so as to bring about a peaceful unity amongst the body.
When words become our weapon rather than our encouragement, we’ve missed the mark. Not only as members of the human race, but more importantly as members of the kingdom of God. If we can’t level kindness and love within the walls of our own church … our lives will level as useless for God outside of those walls.
I’m not kidding; neither is God. He has called us to be…
His light (Matthew 5:14-15).
His temple (2 Cor. 6:16).
His ambassadors (2 Cor. 5:19-20).
His ministers of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:19-20).
His kingdom carriers (Luke 17:20-21).
His new creation (2 Cor. 5:17).
His heirs (Romans 8:17).
When our passionate embrace of our well-intentioned causes—the carpet, the budget, the fellowship hall, the use of the building, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera—when our protection of these ideals becomes more important to us than the caustic words we level on their behalf, our light grows dim.
We are but a resounding gong and a clanging cymbal to a world that needs the contrast—the love of Jesus Christ pouring out through our mouths and with our actions because our hearts simply cannot contain their melody any longer. God’s song was meant to be sung through the likes of you and me, and when we can’t sing it in love, better to keep our mouths shut.
I’m not kidding; neither is God.
“When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value. The lips of the righteous nourish man, but fools die for lack of judgment.” (Proverbs 10:13).
“A wise man’s heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction. Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” (Proverbs 16:23-24).
“If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.” (James 1:26).
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t voice our passions. God created us as a passionate people, especially when it comes to “doing” the business of the church. But therein lies the rub. How do our notions of “church business” match up with God’s notions of the same? And while I don’t have the full understanding of God’s mind in the matter, I feel confident that he never intended for our inward “doings” to be oiled and greased by the rancor that is so readily spoken via our mouths.
When our impassioned “doings” and the defense of them accordingly becomes more important than the wounds we’re exacting along the way, time to sit down and re-examine our hearts beneath the illuminating light of God’s heart.
Then, and only then, do our words work for the better good. God’s good.For the building up of the kingdom and the sacred seeding of all things eternal. And those “things,” my friends, have nothing to do with carpet selection or building repairs. Rather, eternal things are rooted in the saving of a human heart.
I’m not kidding; neither is God. He sacrificed his own Son to prove his mind in the matter.
Thus, let’s get to it. Let’s stop the free flow of our caustic criticisms and allow the grace of Jesus Christ to be the seasoning from our lips that salts the world with the flavor of eternity. Thus, I pray…
Forgive me my words, Lord, when I am quick to offer them in matters that matter little to you. Instead, fill my mouth with your words of purpose and promise that fill rather than deflate. That restore rather than condemn. That illuminate rather than darken. That strengthen rather than weaken. May the heart of our churches reflect the heart of your grace, so that, indeed, your kingdom comes as intended—because of us, rather than around or in spite of us. Clean up our hearts with the redemption of Calvary and season our response with the sweet words of your song. We concede them both—our hearts and our lips—to your refining touch this day. Amen.
Copyright © January 2009 – Elaine Olsen
Oh yes, the beauty of church meetings. I too have abandoned them. Prior to recent renovations at our church there was a very spirited meeting. After which at least 2 families left the church. Thank you for this post, it is very timely. We have our next gathering in a week. Subject = budget. I’m sure everyone will be on their best behavior! HA! I’m passing this post on to my preacher hubby!
Precious Elaine,
I just received your message so I popped over to say thank you SO much. I’m honored to receive the gift. I feel like a winner just being on JESUS’ team with all of you.
I will come back by to read what I know is a powerful post but I wanted to acknowledge and show my appreciation.
I’m off for a few hours. Bless you.
So many thoughts come to mind as I read your post.
First, it is no accident that I chose the particular scripture I did to caption my own blog. I sometimes stare long at it, and also at the scriptures that say: "… a gentle & quiet spirit are precious in His sight."; or " … on her tongue is the law of kindness." It's the high ground upon which I desire to walk, though often fall far short!
Second, I just have to wonder why Christians not only wound their own (often without mercy), and then proceed to shoot their wounded.
Third, I work for a sizeable church and have often helped to pull the arrows from our pastor's backside. The wounds of a brother can be loving & welcome when they're NOT sniper-like hit-and-run control measures.
God love you and pastor hubby!
Honestly, I have come to a point where I am absoulutely disgusted by “churchy” stuff. (which sounds awful, but I’m tired of politics, performances, etc.) It’s either Jesus or nothing. So I pretty much go to Sunday morning service, and then choir practice on Wednesday.
I don’t think your post was condemnimg to anyone. I think it’s good that you wrote it. I know I certainly needed to read it.
Girl, you are preaching to the choir here…..church meetings seem to be more “of the devil” than of God. …..
One reason I see for this is that it seems people aren’t really concerned about what God wants them to do — only their own agendas…..this makes me very sad. And another thing I see (especially, imo, in the UM Church you and I belong to) is a lack of respect for the pastor because they all know that he will eventually leave….
REALLY SAD.
Great post.
I fear that people think God is kidding….or they just don’t care.
what an amazing way to word this post. I think you hit the nail on the head…. we recently left a church that didn’t have business meetings. We were turned “on” to the idea of not dealing with that, and being part of an elder led church family instead. Well guess what…..that was NOT good either. You need more than 2 elders for this to work, or you end up following a pastors’ ideas and not Christ. I think the member’s voices need to be heard in one way or another, but that we also need to choose our battles wisely. Trivial stuff shouldn’t tear apart a church…but lack of leadership will EVERY time.
Oh so convicting. I need to stop giving my daughter advice on my grand baby and wait to be asked. Not an easy think to do – but a wise one. Great post Elaine.
It is ironic that it is in the Body that we are most wounded by ‘words’. Proverbs has much to say about it..go figure, people have not changed much since OT times. The tongue that blesses can also bring such pain.
I know, for I have given pain to others. Even after repenting, I cannot take back the scar I left on tender souls, but I can pray that God’s light will transfrom that scar into a glorious ‘mark’ for Him. Most of all, I pray that He will sanctify my tongue as I wash my heart and mind with His Word.
Love you, Elaine.
Sita
Oh Elaine, this is tremendous. It was God waking you and sharing His thoughts. When preferences become precepts we’re in trouble. It saddens my heart greatly when so much time is spent at meetings discussing things that are of no value to the Kingdom and are separating the people in it. Yes, maybe decisions need to be made on these minor issues, but they are not that of life and death. Too often we major on the minor and in the doing relationships are strained at best and severed at worst. Oh to keep with unity in the body of Christ.
Powerful writing. God breathed.
Love you my friend,
Joy
Bless you for your boldness in speaking the truth in love. My mom once advised me never to join a church until I’d attended a business meeting. Church services display how the people (leadership and congregation) want to be perceived, but business meetings reveal their true hearts.
(I didn’t follow her advice, because I hate business meetings so much!)
Hugs to you!
Elaine,
I so agree! I’m not kidding and neither is He and because I can tend to fall in that trap, I try to remove myself as well.
I felt extremely pulled in this area and just this week put to memory…Psalm 19:14 NIV
May the words of my mouth
and the meditations of my heart
be pleasing in your sight, O Lord,
my Rock and my Redeemer.
Love,
Yolanda as I reach for Higher Grounds
We all would be wise to heed the warning. I remember my first real “wounding” when I was in leadership with women’s ministry. I was young, naive and totally blindsided. It hurt for a long time and needed covered in prayer-lots of it. However, I was able to glean the importance of minding my words more carefully.
Blessings,
Denise
I used to attend them also only to be disappointed at some of the issues and worse at the comments made. It hurts! It rubs salt in the wounds of some. I am just not going to be prevy to that. Some decisions that are made are to glorify ourselves instead of glorifying God. And while we all have our own opinions I have a hard time believing that some are God driven. Thanks for the post.
Amen! Hubs and I know similar wounding; he lives it more directly than I do, but I feel it on his behalf. Well, actually, on my own behalf as well, forgetting that criticism is leveled at me simply because of our union and other’s assumptions that I (and the kids) become ‘public property’ around the church as well. Don’t we all need to extend more grace!
Preach on, girl! I totally agree with your post, Elaine. You had me on my feet at one point, fist pumping the air, shouting, “AMEN, AMEN!!!”
I have to confess, you also had me chuckling…just a little. I guess you hit a little too close to home! Hubby Bill is at an administrative board meeting at our church this very minute. I do NOT go to those meetings. I know I am a church employee…however, I refuse to become involved in the “politics” of our church.
People are so quick to complain, to judge. They have NO IDEA what the ministry involves, and it is heartbreaking to see those who claim to be seeking GOD’s agenda aggressively seeking their OWN. It frustrates me to the point of tears, at times.
Oh, I am soooo tempted to print your post and mail it to a few people I know!!! That would not be the way Jesus would handle things, though…SO…I will be praying for our church family AND our pastor instead. I’m also praying for your precious family. While I’m at it, I might need to pray for the tree, too! ;o)
Blessings to you and Pastor Billy!
Now that’s what I call speaking up with courage! You are speaking the truth in love, sister. God will bless you for that. I am certain Satan especially delights in using the body of Christ to thwart the One who wants only the best for us. I always think pastor’s wife has to be one of the most difficult callings one could face – I pray for all of you brave women who bear the emotional brunt of “church business”. There must be a special place in heaven for each of you!
Read your comment on Sita’s blog, and decided to jump over to visit your site. I am touched by the warmth and the sincerity of your words. I have added you to my blog roll so I can easily visit you whenever I want to. Your post was a blessing to my heart today.
Love this sentence, Elaine: “…allow the grace of Jesus Christ to be the seasoning from our lips that salts the world with the flavor of eternity.” I want to live up to that way of speaking…
Oh that is so true…. I will not go to council meetings…… I have seen more hurt in some of those meetings than any other place…. People seem to take on a whole new personality………. go figure1
You know, I’ve been in churches that do it wrong, and some that do it right and intentionally so. I think the incredible and anointed message of your post is that we are to watch our words ever so carefully. My best friend is a PW, and I worked on a church staff for 10 years, then in lay leadership for 18 years. The contrast between leadership who speak words as “one speaking the very words of God” and the ones who throw zingers at every turn to propagate agendas or passions is baffling to me.
The same is true of me as a leader in my home. “Out of the overflow…” It is a totally different place here when my words are well-intentioned and Spirit led than when I let ’em fly like bullets. The kids and I are working on this together. I told the kids today that when they sigh and roll their eyes at each other, that’s the same as saying “You’re stupid,” or “i don’t respect you.”
Imagine my surprise when my 8-year-old asked me why I rolled my eyes and sighed at something she said just a few hours later. Oh my. Mommy has some work to do. Or is it just some surrender…
Awesome, anointed post as usual, Elaine.
Sometimes people get so focused on things that really aren’t important. I see so much wasted energy on their own agenda. Of course, there will always be a variety of personalities in each church. After all, God made each one of us uniquely. But we are to live in peace with one another as much as we are able. I think that unchurched people get turned off by the infighting within the body of believers and we need to be careful of that.
You made some very good points Elaine. Sometimes it’s good to share like this.
We know all about these words. My husband sits on the leadership team and it can be just as bad there. And if it is not the words, it’s the tone of the words. There’s a right time and a wrong time…if we all would be careful to keep focused on God how much pain we all could avoid.
I can only imagine what a minister and wife goes through. We our friends with our pastor and we know some of what he has to carry. It is truly unbelievable at time.
Your words here are so very needed. Thank you.
In His Graces~Pamela
Hey Elaine! I was so struck by your eloquence, I sent this to my pastor’s wife. She uses me as a “safe place” to vent, and I knew she would identify so much with what you have said:) Thanks for taking God’s lead to write it!
oh,THAT’s a tough one!! I struggle with keeping my mouth shut, too!! Thanks for sharing this…I am actually memorizing a few of the verses you mentioned…hopefully the Lord will use them to duc-tape my mouth!!
Such important truth here, that I absolutely NEEDED to hear. Praying the prayer with you, Elaine. I certainly needed this–and will again, I’m sure.
Elaine,
I’ve been away from the blogosphere and it’s so nice to visit with once again. I completely agree with this post. Very passionately and eloquently said. Why, oh why, can’t we remember who we represent as we conduct all business, especially church business? Is it really so hard?
I’ve been asked, several times, to be an elder in our church and have declined for the very reasons you wrote about. (And because I don’t feel God calling me in this direction.) I don’t want to lift up the rug and see the ugliness hiding there. All I want is Jesus.
Blessings and prayers,
Kelli
Oh, Elaine…what a beautiful post. What beautiful words you offer. So true about the songs we sing with our words. If only we could monitor our words with care, what powerful witnesses we would be for Christ in a culture where words destroy, mock and profane even that which God intended for good.
As for church meetings–my husband became enmeshed in a difficult situation on an important committee in our church many years ago, when he was younger. It bruised him. Luckily, older men in the group took him “under their wing” and we made it through.
God bless you in all your endeavors, Elaine.
Your prezzie was in the mail last night. ((hugs)) You have a letter coming your way now!! and little tiny something inside also. Thanks for the blessings.
Great exhortation, Elaine. Wisdom abounds from this post…it’s clear to me where it came from! Thanks for not being afraid to tackle the less popular (but no less important) topics. 🙂
So ironic — was just thinking about you when I read your comment on my blog. I owe you an email and plan to sit down to write this weekend. Sorry I am belated. But please know that you were in my thoughts over the holidays and I look forward to reconnecting with you and continuing our relationship.
Be blessed, friend.
Lisa 🙂
I have personally found more joy in church when I seek to hold my tongue. Somehow I seem to always be involved at many levels at church. My nature and experience are leadership and administrative, but I really detach myself and look towards what I can be doing to build God’s kingdom. All those verses you shared does not ever put you in the light of being perfect, but rather mindful of God’s calling in all our hearts. Without disclaimers as to your position in church. Thanks for such a well written blog on this topic.
Your words ring so true to me. Most of the regrets that I have in my life have to do with speaking when I should have just kept my mouth shut.
As my mom used to say, “Loose lips sink ships!”
It’s interesting one negative word spoken to me can undo many positive words.
Like you, I pray that my words would only build others up and not ever tear down.
I pray that you have a lovely weekend with your sweet family, Elaine.
In Christ,
Amy:)
Sadly we have not been to a business meeting in ten years. All because of some unkind words leveled at my husband the first time he ever spoke up in church–it hurt, and changed our lives. We no longer live in that area and are close friends with all of the people and visit when there but the sharp tongue of one person is so so strong.
I am sorry you feel the need to avoid them especially since you are the pastor’s wife-(yes?)
Hi Elaine!
I’m going to do a little search for you for an old article…. 🙂
We love our “Honey” and are just thrilled! Thanks for your joy!
Ouch! Are you talking to me? Have you been sitting on my shoulder lately?
I read this when you wrote it, but didn’t have time to respond until now.
This is SUCH an important word! Having been in on such heated meetings about the inconsequential, and on the receiving end (and wielding, I’m ashamed to say) of such hurtful words, how important it is to ponder and hide God’s (the most important and FINAL) word on the matter.
Blessings this day,
Melinda