Messy and mad.
Life is. I am.
Messy life. Mad me. There’s no prettying up this one, not enough shine and polish to make it less obvious to others. Anyway, what’s the point of a cover-up other than to possibly fool someone into thinking I have it altogether?
I don’t. On my best days, I’m always one step away from behaving badly. My flesh doesn’t consistently keep pace with my faith. Today has been one of those days for me.
The messiness that surrounds me creates a terrible ache inside of me for calmer days, although at the moment I’m having a difficult time remembering what they look like, feel like . . . live like. Accordingly, a less than gracious display of emotion bursting forth onto the pavement in front of me and into the lives of those who sit most closely to my influence.
My influence. I type those two words with a penitent heart and with a few questions to the Father about why he has allowed me so much of it, especially on days of amplified tension. This wasn’t supposed to be this hard. Or so I think. But my supposition doesn’t change the facts.
Life is hard, messy too. And every now and then, living within these constraints gets the best of me. Perhaps you understand. Perhaps you know something about the “hard and messy” of life.
We don’t get too far in our walks of faith and not experience the push for transformation. God will bring our “hard and messy” to the surface so that we might accurately assess the condition of our hearts. His assessment is always clear; we, however, are sometimes a bit slower in recognizing the inward ticking of a sometimes veiled reality. And while I’m not a fan of painful disclosure, I am a fan of fleshing out the hidden contents of my heart in the safe and loving presence of Father God.
Honestly, I just wish we’d already taken care of this years ago.
Messy and mad.
Life is. I am.
Gracious and loving.
God is. God does.
And therein I find my compass.
“God is. God does.
And therein I find my compass.”
That says it all Elaine. Praying for you and your family as you walk this season of your life. In different ways, I can relate my friend.
ain’t it the truth!! Even so… God IS and God is DOING, in us!
I sooo relate to this post, Elaine. About ten days ago, we received a call from my parents’ doctor. Dad had fallen (for the umpteenth time), was quite hurt, and both he and my mom were very sick. It was time to rally the troops. My husband and I came down for four days, and I have stayed ever since – almost two weeks. I also got very sick on top of everything else.
Messy – life is. Mad – I am.
I can’t explain all the ins-and-outs of how and why this is all so difficult – it just is. And I have been chagrined (convicted) at how easily frustrated and impatient I can be. Dealing with aging parents stirs up all kinds of stuff – current stuff and childhood stuff.
But, at the center of it all, is a God who loves ME through it all. As you said, He is my compass, and He steers me toward His heart.
GOD BLESS!
I hear the pain in your words, Sharon. I can relate to everything you’re feeling. This has been quite a few weeks for our family; I’m literally hanging onto the hem of Christ’s garment like there’s no tomorrow. I may not feel joy, but I’m not letting go of the joy-giver!!! Prayers.
Elaine, I saw your Facebook post the other day and have been thinking of you since then & praying. I don’t know the specifics, but I know the God who is King over them. Praying for you & your family. I love you so!
Thank you, dear heart. I pray you are well. It’s been far too long since we’ve connected. Blessings and peace.
It really has been. So much going on personally for me – I’ve missed you! Will write soon. <3
“Messy and mad.
Life is. I am.
Gracious and loving.
God is. God does.
And therein I find my compass.”
I’m thinking this statement should be, friend…I’ve already picked a place for it on my wall! Having dealt with plenty of my own (and my family’s) messes, I do understand the frustration and exhaustion of pushing through it all. Day by day, step by step…you’re gonna make it. You know I’m here for you anytime you need to talk.
I love you…
“I’m thinking this statement should be FRAMED, friend.” Shew, makes more sense when I don’t leave out important words! 😉
It’s alright; I was tracking beautifully with your incoherent thought, which means we’re both in trouble! Love you too.
Messy, mad, two steps forward and a thousand tears backwards. I hear you, friend. I know you will reconcile this and go with an open heart to your next post. They will be another church family, children of God. Look at all you have in common with them already!
You remain in my prayers, daily.
Love,
Brenda
We really are at peace about our move, Brenda. Everything else seems to be hammering down as well. Family issues. Health issues. No stone untouched in this season. I just feel like I’m drowning at times. Thank you for standing in the gap for me. Love you.
I agree and struggle with the uglies, too. So thankful for His Grace and forgiveness
Yep! You’re right.
Love your honesty, Elaine. Glad to know to pray. I face the same challenge every day in a different way. Messy, messy me. Love you, my sister-friend.
Yep, messy and mad — I’ve been there quite often. So very glad we can always find our compass in the Father. Love how you said that!
Oh do I ever relate right now Elaine. The day to day care of mom is hard enough as it is, but we keep throwing in falls, seizures, illness, and now medicine changes with her soo over drugged I am just downright angry…sigh. And then upset with myself because my reaction to it all is just not what I would want it to be. I love what you said and I am going to hold onto it. God is…God does…and therein I find my compass. Love it!
Prayers, Debbie, for every single step of faithful obedience your making in this season.
Dear Elaine, I don’t know how but somehow I had lost you on my blog roll. I’ve missed you;so thankful for your transparency here. I have not walked your journey but am in the middle of stresses brought on by the handling of huubs’s moms estate. It is so complex and we are jumping through so many hoops before next week. I should be walking in peace but have been so stressed. My faith seems so small. Thank you for being there and sharing.
Hugs, Noreen
My faith seems small as well, but God’s Word tells us we don’t need much. Just a mustard seed will be enough to carry us forward. I’ll be thinking of you this week as you navigate these stressful waters. God is with you each step of the way.
God is… and God does… it’s the only compass we’ll ever need.
Thank you for your refreshing honesty.
Keeping you close.
Love
Lidia
Thank you Lord for that internal compass that is sometimes ever-so-hard to discern amidst our humanness and the enemy’s attacks. Sometimes in those times, all I can manage is to whisper His name. Gracious friend, even in your messy, mad transparency, you encourage us, your fellow sojourners. We love you all the more.
Amen, amen sis. So well said. Praying for you.
Me too. What you said.
Sometimes it seems to me there are seasons of mad; seasons every bit as real as spring, or fall. I’ve weathered a few myself and find it’s helpful when I force myself to remain in the moment. I can’t even live one-day-at-time as those times. Just moment-by-moment. And then I rejoice when, at last (sometimes at LONG last) I can say, “And it came to pass …”.
We are blessed to be on the receiving end of your candor. Faith is easy to have when you don’t need it, but here we see it’s inestimable value in the messy & madness of life.
Love you,
Kathleen
Elaine, I read the last few posts and just wanted to stop by and say I always love how I could close my eyes and hear the reading and know it was you. There is just something about how you write that is so fluid. And yes, I will lift you and your family up in prayer. This is around the 3rd such post I have read today. I think many people are on the same page and season in life. My friend (also named Elaine) is still caretaking, and working and asked me why she feels so exhausted all the time, her parents are wearing her out, (talk about stretched and thin) I looked at her calendar of a couple years ago and written on just about every page was her Mom’s name…something to be done for her. And now her Dad is back in the mix. Oh, I know how you feel. Praying…..
And I am lifting you both up in prayer this day as you continue to walk this surrender out. God is with you. He will strengthen you with his love.
wifeforthejourney:
Life is messy, and you are authentic enough to allow yourself to be as you feel. Like an infected wound needs to be cleaned out so it can heal, so the human heart sometimes needs the Lord’s care. Honesty is where our healing begins and I am grateful for your example, and submission to God’s probing. We are in this mess together.
Love you,
Billy
Oh Elaine all I can say is …life is hard. I’ve been through tough times but always try to make the best of each situation as I learn to trust God. However, my flesh gets in the way at times too.
It just reminds me that this isn’t my permanent home. In the meantime, may the Lord purify us so that what comes out will be like gold and refined. You will be shining my friend.
Sending you a long distance hug,
Debbie