July 19, 1997My dad was waiting for me that morning—that hot July morning nearly eleven years ago. He waited on my front porch as I laced up my shoes to head out for my morning walk. I would not walk alone this particular day. My father’s pace would accompany mine.
We walked in silence, longing for the words to benchmark this occasion. I could not find them, but my daddy did. And when he spoke, I listened for his wisdom.
“Elaine, you are giving your boys a good gift today. By marrying Billy, you are giving them the best chance of understanding just exactly how a man should love a woman.”
I know those were hard words for him to speak in that moment. True words, yet difficult because of what lie ahead on the other side of their release. For all of the slight reservations that my parents might have had about my marrying Billy, they never opposed our decision. If they had, I would have listened. But they saw something in Billy…something long and enduring and trustworthy…that allowed them to let go of their daughter for a second time.
This time, I would not walk the aisle on the arm of my father. This time, I would walk the aisle on the arms of my young sons, who adorned my simple gown with their charming smiles and handsome suits. They would give their mother away into the arms of the man who made them smile and who promised to love them and their mother as his own. With fear and trembling, I spoke my vows to Billy. I did not take them lightly this time, for in that moment, two sets of eyes desperately needed for me to mean them.
Ours has not been an “easy” love. We both carry some baggage. With divorce in my background, my bags hold some extra weight. Weight that includes…
Guilt. Insecurity. Anger. Control issues. Strong will. A caustic tongue. Unrealistic expectations. Fear. Suspicions. Condemnation. Selfish loving.
Marriage, for me, has been a difficult embrace. But Billy has always been here to shoulder my extra weight. Lovingly, and without restraints, he has patiently carried my luggage because his heart beats with the love of his Father’s heart. A love that mirrors an Ephesians 5:25 kind of love. A Christ-like, lay-down-your-life, kind of love.
His is a love that has kept my attention and has enabled me to lighten my load and to walk in the freedom of God’s magnificent grace. Billy was made for marriage, and his capacity for loving me has made me a better woman. A woman who loves deeper, clings tighter, and who more clearly understands the lavish love that Christ carries for his bride.
I have thought about my father’s words over the years. They have strengthened my resolve and given me clarity on days when I wanted to quit. Thankfully, I no longer want to quit. Somewhere between our beginning and our now, God’s grace permeated its way into my heart through my husband’s love, and my baggage has never carried lighter.
That is the way of a Christ-centered, Ephesians 5:25 kind of love. Over 2000 years ago, God released the gift of his Son to walk this earth in search of a bride. He found her in us. You and me…wrinkled and blemished and stained from sin. Our baggage was heavy, but our Groom offered his strength for the journey. Lovingly and without restraints, he shouldered our load upon his back until his steps carried him down the aisle to Calvary’s surrender.
There, he laid our sin upon the altar of sacrifice. There, he paid the bride price once and for all. There, he opened up his arms in anticipation of our arrival. His bride…dressed with the radiance of his righteousness. Spotless…without blemish or wrinkle…washed by his surrender to our sin. He tells us that we have been worth the wait…that we were made for such a marriage.
Ten years ago, I wasn’t sure if I was made for marriage. But there was something about my groom…my Billy…that anchored my hope in possibility. Indeed, my father was right. Billy was my best hope for understanding and for receiving the gracious love of a God who has named me as his bride. Love has found its home in our house, and grace has found its home in my heart.
I can never put reason behind God’s extravagant love for me. It is a profound mystery…an unreasonable portion of a second grace that is sometimes beyond my articulation, but I wanted to try. Wanted to tell you how marvelous and all-surpassing is the love of my God who specializes in second helpings. Thirds and fourths and fifths…as often as needed and always on time. God’s love doesn’t quit. He doesn’t look for the easy way out. Nothing can separate you from his pursuit of your hand in marriage.
No sin. No blemish. No wrinkle. No stain. No matter your past. No matter your present. No matter the road that lies ahead. Your God is after you, and his grace reaches deep into the darkest hour of your sin to find you and to bring you home as his bride.
God used a man named Billy to demonstrate this sacred truth to me. And just a few days ago, he took my hands in his, placed a new token of his commitment upon my ring finger, and told me that he would do it all over again. That I was worth the wait, and that, indeed, I was made for marriage. And so this day, in thankfulness I pray…
Thank you, Father, for scripting my life with a second helping of grace that breathes with an Ephesians 5:25 kind of love. I never imagined its embrace, but you did, Lord, and you called me deserving…worthy…bride of your heart. Thank you for giving me a husband who has modeled surrender, sacrifice, and unconditional love to me and to our children. Thank you for giving me your Son, who washes me clean from my sin and stands ready to receive me as his bride. A bride in life. A bride for all eternity. What wondrous love is this?! Amen.
Designed by Kim Maitland at Creative Metalsmith March 2008
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. May God continue to bless you in the sanctification and joy of godly marriage!
If you have a few minutes, I would love your input on my blog in regards to the ten struggles that Christian women face. Thank you!
Elaine, that is beautiful! Yes, I got teary eyed, here at Fox! Bless your heart~ There is so much joy in your life, and I am so happy for you! Love, Your Cuz, Carolyn K.
Elaine,
How each one of us should view marriage and love. Thank you for sharing! May God continue to Bless you and Billy every step of the way.
That is beautiful Elaine!
Made me teary eyed too!
Thanks for sharing!
in HIM-
Mindy
Love it, Billy has great taste in choosing his soul mate and great taste in jewelry. As always your words were written so beautifully.
The new Nana?????
I visited your blog earlier today, grabbed a quick read, and then found myself musing over it most of the day. It’s a beautiful story of redemption, and of the amazing goodness of our good God! I agree with your other readers that it summoned a lump in the throat. I’ve been married for 41 years now – a mixed bag of joy, sorrow, trial and tribulation, adventure, contentment – and I still treasure a great love story. How awesome that you’ve shared yours!
Kathleen
OK…who is the new Nana?
~elaine
You were right. This was a good blog, as they all are. Helps me to reflect on how good of a husband I have.
The pictures are great. The boys are still as handsome as ever. Its hard to believe how much all of our children have grown up since you have been with us. Our girls were only 1 when we met.
Can’t wait to see the finger in person. The meter is cool, too. Sorry to tell you, but I have run it up some days. I might check your blog a few times a day waiting to see what you might want to share with us.
:>Ang
What you have is special. Very few women really get to experience that kind of love.
Take Care of Each Other
Oh Elaine… I am so blessed by you and the gift God has given you to write. You capture so much!
I too am a product of divorce… my parent’s divorce and the weight you carried is the same I have carried over the years as well as the weight of the fear of abandonement. God blessed me with a man, who is patient and loving and was willing to take me on, no matter what baggage I brought into the marriage. God, throughout the years was there, willing to be my “Valet” take my bags when I was willing to let Him have them and put them away! Glory! I have to admit, there are times in my sinfulness, that I try to take a “carry on” bag back from Him. But He is right there – waiting to take it back!
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
~ Matthew 11:28-30
Those words have been prayed over more times than I can count!
I was blessed with a wonderful stepfather – who loves my mother. I was also blessed w/ wonderful in-laws… who have been married for 64 years – to show me what Godly marriage is all about.
I am praising God today for the gift of Billy, not only to you, but to your boys! Yes, those boys will understand a Godly marriage!
I would really appreciate your input on what your top 10 fears are. I am seeking info for a book I am writing on overcoming fear.
Thank you
Christie Todd
Elaine, God has given you a beautiful gift. Thank you for sharing your story. Continue to cherish every day…I know you do.
Blessings,
Joy
What a beautiful tribute to love and second chances! I too was given the gift of a wonderful man who has helped my son and I carry our “baggage”for over 13 years. We’ve had ups and downs and struggles, but his love has remained steady and strong. I can’t thank God enough for bringing us together.
Blessings!
Liz
P.S. We’ll be taking a trip to KY in a couple of weeks. I should have lots of new pictures to share with you!
Hi Elaine!
LOVED your comment today on Lysa’s blog about your son’s note! Definitely a keeper!! Thanks for sharing.
Holly
Oh Elaine…I LOVED this! My daughter married with “excessive” baggage…your words are so encouraging!
wifeforthejourney:
I’ve been at my desk late just to catch up on posted comments. You have made your journey into cyberspace a true artist’s canvas. I love the way you share your heart and your faith.
Our children are beautiful because of you!
Love, husbandthathasitreallygood
Elaine,
I’m not sure which I loved most: words like these
“He tells us that we have been worth the wait…that we were made for such a marriage.” which made me bawl or those of husbandthathasitreallygood.
Either way, this has been a wonderful read.
Elaine,
Praise God – He is generous with His ‘second helping(s) of grace’! You are right that our stories are very similar. We can certainly stand as witnesses to God’s blessings!
Your story has made me smile as I wipe happy tears. May God continue to bless you, Sister!
Love in Christ,
Teresa