Wanderlust. That desire in each one of us to roam and to move beyond the current boundaries that cradle us in order to explore the wild unknown with carefree abandon. A search brought about because of an underlying “stirring of the soul” for something better … something purer. More peace and more pleasure.
I’ve thought about my “wanderlust” this morning. I didn’t mean to, but through an e-mail to my friend, Kristen, I was reminded about a piece I wrote over thirteen years ago. A season in my life when I was a single mother of two young sons dreaming about better days—a better time when all would be “right” within my soul. Those dreams always landed me in one place—
Montana.
I’ve never been there, but there is something about its vastness, its wide-open spaces and “heart of the land” kind of living, that unsettles me; stirring something within me, creating a hunger deep within my soul for something more. I no longer dream a great deal about moving to Montana, but the unsettled feelings? The stirring in my heart for something better, some soil beyond the current earth that supports my feet?
Well, it’s still there. It still flames, and one day soon, I’m going to get to my “Montana.” I believe its boundaries are closer to me than I might realize, thus strengthening my passion for my crossing over. Perhaps you understand something about “Montana’s pull.” If so, then I offer you a piece of my writing history to stir your own imagination and wanderlust for something better.
It’s not great writing, but it was my heart’s writing in 1996. Still is, and I suppose that makes it great all on its own.
If I could move to Montana, I would. Life would be different there.
In Montana there would be plenty of space for me to be me. In Montana, I wouldn’t worry about wearing make-up or if my car was dirty or if my English was perfect. Jeans and flannel shirts would fill my wardrobe making me a “good fit” with the locals.
If I could move to Montana, I would buy the boys and me a cabin on the plains. It would have a warm kitchen where the sound of boiling water and the sight of tea bag would greet me each morning. Pancakes would start our day and cocoa would rock us to sleep at night. The light from the fireplace would warm our spirits and give us atmosphere for our nightly adventures within the pages of books. The three of us would crawl up on the couch with grandma Killian’s quilt and fight for the warmth and love of its cover.
In my Montana home, each of us would have our own hiding place. I would choose the attic room as my escape. In this place of escape I would hold myself captive. I would create new adventures on paper. I would search out the true meaning of my journey on this earth.
I could do that in Montana because in Montana, there is plenty of room for the search.
If I could move to Montana, I would own a pick-up truck. I would take my truck to the market whenever I needed food or just some company. I would park in my spot and visit the local meeting place, full of sojourners like myself, who understand the beauty of the simple life we share in Montana. I would stop at the post office to collect my remembrances from days gone by, and I would send out some new memories for those who’ve never been to my Montana.
If I could move to Montana, I would find a country church where I could sing my songs on Sunday mornings. I would voice the endless love of Jesus to everyone within earshot. In Montana, I could sing with great resolve and strength because the soil there is strong, vibrant, full of hearty livin’ and earthy understanding. The windows of my church would be open and the hills would dance to the delight of the message. In Montana, everything living could hear my voice.
In Montana … everything would understand why I had to sing.
When Christmas came to Montana, the boys and I would venture to our back yard and cut the chosen Christmas tree. We’d make decorations out of materials we’d found during our annual pilgrimage in Montana, and when we needed a break, we’d sit around the tree and drink more cocoa. We’d hang our stockings on the fireplace, and we’d listen to our favorite holiday music. We’d have lots of friends over to celebrate the season. We’d take our truck into town to see the lights and visit the stores.
If I could move to Montana, I’d learn to love more. Montana would be a good place for the three of us to learn about love. To learn about acceptance—accepting life and others and what it means to be accepted. We’d love so much that hate would never enter our home.
In Montana, I’d learn to love animals. In Montana, there are enough animals to love.
If I could move to Montana, I wouldn’t worry about “things” as much. In Montana, I would raise my boys to be “real.” In Montana, I would get healthy. In Montana, life would be simple. In Montana, dreams would be within reach.
If I could move to Montana, I would. But I live in Kentucky.
In Kentucky, there are no flannel shirts. There is no truck. There is no attic room, or no small country church. The Christmas tree will be bought at the grocery store, and I’ll never own an animal.
I may not ever live in Montana. But in my mind, I go there quite often. I hold onto Grandma’s quilt and dream my dreams for a more peaceful time.
Perhaps you understand. Perhaps we all have times where we long to be in Montana. Perhaps Montana is not big enough for all of us dreamers.
So, I will sing my songs in Kentucky. And maybe, just maybe, the wind will carry my songs over the miles to my long awaited Montana home. And they will wait for me there until I have the strength to make the journey myself.
Montana.
Someday.
Maybe today.
As always, sweet friends, God’s peace for the journey … wherever your feet are walking this weekend. I love you.
~elaine
Copyright © October 2009 – Elaine Olsen
You have found your 'montana' where you are! But you could use a good used old pickup, though. dad
I seem to recall that I had one not long ago…
Love you dad.
~lainsey
I love this Elaine! I've always loved Montana too – though I've never been there. I think it would be amazing to live there and you described it so beautifully! I've got a longing in my heart to wander to a bigger, grander place … and just maybe I'll get to go there soon! 🙂
To call you friend is such a privilege.
You nailed the very ache of my heart right now when you wrote, "I would create new adventures on paper. I would search out the true meaning of my journey on this earth."
You and I? We are much the same.
Thanks for posting this. It was something I needed to read today. To let me know there are fellow women on this journey. I am not alone.
Oh Elaine, I love this! I too have a heart that longs for grander, bigger, unhindered uncluttered places! In 1991 He transplanted this Georgia girls heart in Arizona. Ahhh, I've found my "grander"place and it fits my soul like the uniqueness of Mitford! I understand your longing. Not a morning goes by that I gaze across the grand expanse of Southwestern skies or an evenings blazing sunset that I don't feel renewed, refreshed, alive.
There's a swing on the porch of the El Tovar Hotel at the South rim of the Grand Canyon where I have wonderful, precious encounters with Him – just swinging and basking in the "grandness" and vastness of the the Canyon they call Grand! It's glorious – It's all Him!
Oh, I understand sister! But more importantly, HE understands the longing in your heart and you too will someday enter your wide open spaces!
Sweet Blessings!
Jackie
I so love this and so understand it. I think I found my Montana IN Kentucky! Ironic, isn't it!
I am trying to learn to live with abandon in my here but we can all wander to our Montana's from time to time, can't we?
Mine just would be warm, with water and lots of sun. :o)
Shalom,
Denise
What an awesome dream! I love the idea of the wide open vastness of Montana also! Maybe that is what your part of Heaven is going to look like!! 🙂
I have my own Montana somewhere. Now that my kids are grown with their own babies, it's a bit hard to really see myself anywhere else than where I now am.
Yet, I still have that deep longing you talk about. A great desire for more. To be better grounded, not on or in this earth and its passing ground, but on the soil of which you speak.
You have a beautiful dream, and God is bringing it to you, rather than your going to it. Praise God! Isn't He an awesome?
Thank you for your loving, giving heart! Thank you for sharing your dreams and your dedication to God that is bringing them to reality.
Much Love,
Andrea
Hmmm…wonder what it is about Montana. I have always dreamed of travelling there.
OK…you're going to think this is funny, but we have a restaurant here called, "Montana's". It's my fav. place to eat. It's very rustic, and the food is fabulous. It's fairly close to our home…we could walk there. I always want to walk over on a snowy, blowy night and enjoy a dinner by the fireplace, then bundle up and walk home…enjoy the crisp air and pretend I'm IN Montana. I know pathetic.
Maybe we all hold a Montana dream in our hearts,
Joy
Bless you for this post, I love it.
Elaine, I am such a dreamer. Sometimes I wish I was born earlier as I'm old fashioned in so many ways. I love to watch the Waltons Thanksgiving movie every year. I crave a more simple life and the openness of the country. And yet, I live in the 5th largest city in America! Go figure!
Frankly, I've never been to Kentucky but I thought that would be more country too. I guess I need to learn more about it. I think of the Kentucky Derby and the horses.
You have been a writer for some time now I see. Even your earlier writings are good. But God had a plan for your life and it didn't include Montana. But it sounds like your Billy is just right for you, no matter where you live.
I've missed visiting your blog lately. I always feel refreshed though after reading it.
Love,
Debbie
It's a beautiful state, Montana. We've been there a few times, and Terry and our boys have found the fly-fishing to be to their liking.
Not everyone has Wanderlust. But I see it as an amazing gift; the sort of gift given to every adventuror of all time.
May your Montana dreams never fade.
Blessings,
Kathleen
May *Montana* be the ground beneath my feet today!
And dear, your writing was good then too!
I read your comment over at Leah's and so agree with the moments shared when God wakes us during the middle of the night! You bless me and encourage me! I'm so thankful to the LORD for you!
Elaine,
I fell into your sharing so completely that as I reached the end of this I wanted more! Thank you for sharing Montana and that MUCH MORE!
GOD is good!
I love you.
Elaine,
I think it is just awesome that your Dad reads your blog! That is the sweetest thing! My Daddy never had any dealings with computers but every time I wrote something new I would print it out and carry it to him. He loved to read and was always so encouraging to me in my writing!
I've never really wanted to go to the wide open spaces of the West but I seem to have always been dreaming of "somewhere"! Maybe the place I'm dreaming of is heaven.
Wanted to tell you that the new photos you have on your blog and ones you have used from time to time of your kids lately are just awesome! Great photograghy!
Love ya,
Marilyn…in Mississippi
Perhaps God will allow us one, seconds-long trip around this old rock called Earth before we die. Perhaps some of us will see a patch of land we grew up on and have hungered for ever since. Other might see their land of yearning.
Once we arrive in heaven, it will all be forgotten. What awaits us there lies beyond even the outer regions of our imagination.
Until then, happy Montana dreaming, Elaine. 🙂
You can wear jeans and flannel in my town…why don'tcha move your family here?
Love,
Beth
P.S. Six more days! 🙂
Didn't know that you're a dreamer too.
I love that story.
So glad that you have three more to share the quilt and cocoa with.
Hey, save some for me.
Sweet dreams.
Lainsey…
Your beautiful heart just shines. I always miss you when I've been away from her for a few days. What a homecoming this one was! You speak of my sehn schuct, my wanderlust. Oh, how I get this one, friend.
:)laura
Hi, I love that nickname, Lainsey…
This post, I meanwhat you wrote way back in 1996, makes me truly wish that you could someday have your Montana dream come true.
I am sure you have friends in Montana…
Now you have me dreaming, for you. For that attic, for that warm kitchen, that Christmas tree, that quilt and fireplace.
You know, some dreams do come true.
Yours just might… who knows!
Love
Lidj
Hey Mrs. Elaine, my littlest sister was born in 1996, so that was a special year for me too:) I have gone to Montana on mission trip twice. We went to the indian reservations to minister at the Pow-wows that they have yearly. It is a wide, vast, open place with plenty of antelope and only a few bigger towns:) It's called "Big Sky Country" for a good reason, there seems to be more sky than land!:)
katiegfromtennessee
Beautiful! I get it. This reminds me of Psalm 120.
I loved this, Elaine! You expressed yourself beautifully. Wonderful images — especially liked the cocoa that would rock you to sleep at night. And you're right — it makes me think of heaven! Thanks for sharing…
wifeforthejourney:
How I remember your Montana yearnings from the early days of our courtship. Years later, I know you still long for a different pace of life and the peace of a Montana kind of life.
Whether or not we will ever visit, let alone live in Montana, I don't know. But I am glad for your allowing me some room in your dream, and for how crowded a place grandma's quilt has become. You are the best honey!
Love,
Billy
Elaine,
Don't give up the dream of moving to Montana! I used to have this life you describe in Wyoming, but moved 10 years ago. I dream of going back to either of these 2 states. May not happen, but I KNOW what life there is like from having lived there, and want it again!