I have a story I want to tell you; not because there’s anything particularly spiritual about it all, at least not at this point. Perhaps before it’s over there might be a small nugget’s worth of something to cradle as your own, but for now, this story belongs to my daughter because, long after I’m gone, I want her to have it to cradle for always.
Miss Amelia. She is the caboose of our immediate family, following in line after her three older brothers. They tell me she doesn’t fall too far from the tree.
I don’t see it as much as they do; I don’t look for it… don’t search for all the ways that she might resemble me. I just live with her, love her the best I can and am occasionally mindful of what they profess to see.
Me in her; her in me.
Like a few days after she was born when I cradled her closely to my chest and looked into her eyes. They fixed on me, almost as if she was giving me permission to glance into the depths of her soul. For a brief moment, I peeked in and had the strangest feeling that I was looking at a mirrored reflection of myself. The memory is as vivid to me now as it was nearly eight years ago.
Me in her; her in me.
Like a few weeks ago when her daddy called me on the way home from picking her up at school. Apparently there was an issue in the hall bathroom… something about a potty mouth and her not being able to take good instruction from the teacher the first time around.
Me in her; her in me.
Like the moment after receiving the call when I met her at the back door and sent her upstairs to “think it over” before talking it out. Knowing that her momma was disappointed, her eyes brimmed with tears searching for any measure of initial grace that might be extended to her on the front side of discipline.
Me in her; her in me.
Like the commotion that followed her bedroom ascent; her unable to handle the isolation and silence and feeling the need to fix the problem herself, all the while making sure that I took notice of her angst.
Me in her; her in me.
Like in the one-sided conversation that followed her “thinking it over” when she met me on the stairs half-way. Me coming up; her coming down.
“Stop right there, Mommy (upright hand directed at me). Before you say anything you need to know something. I’ve already washed my mouth out with soap, and I’ve already spanked myself. And just in case you’re wondering… it really, really hurt.” (Her words; not mine.)
Me in her; her in me.
I stifled my laughter until later, acknowledging to her that the discipline seemed to have fit the crime and that we were good to go for the rest of the day. We hugged; she moved on, and I was left alone to ponder the exchange between us.
I’ve been thinking about it ever since. We are quite the dramatic pairing. We live our lives out loud and with full emotion at every turn. Few are the days void of our laughter and our tears. Never are we silent, and rarely are we ever alone. If it’s true, if in fact my daughter doesn’t fall too far from the maternal tree, then I am not surprised about the extraordinary lengths that she was willing to travel in order to punish herself. It’s a technique I’ve perfected over the years—personal flogging for personal sin that, if not carefully guarded, can easily become a personal pastime for me.
I’m not as bad as I used to be, but every now again, when I pursue sin over personal holiness, I’m quick to find the bar of soap and the paddle, even though all I’ve been charged with is the “thinking it over.” Rather than taking a cue from my Father in regards to my taking a breather in the isolation and quiet of an upper chamber, I busy myself with trying to find some grace via the route of my good intentions. I rely on personal understanding rather than God’s understanding, and more often than not, the self-inflicted wounds I apply aren’t in keeping with the crime… aren’t in keeping with my Daddy’s grace.
I wonder if you understand; if, in fact, you know what it is to take yourself to the woodshed over your sins. That maybe you, like my daughter and myself, don’t fall too far from the same tree. That sometimes it is easier to receive punishment than it is to receive our Father’s compassion. Could it be that we have grown so attached to our need for penalty that we altogether miss the grace of the cross? I’m not saying or thinking that our sins don’t come without consequence. But what I am wondering is…
Who are we to decide that consequence? Are we the ones to measure out mercy or to put parameters around pardon? When is enough, enough? What discipline could we offer on behalf of our sins that would equal our Daddy’s forgiveness? Does one spanking suffice? Would two or ten or twenty years’ worth of woodshed drama be adequate to cover the gaping distance between our bad and God’s good? Our need and God’s sufficiency? When does hurt, hurt enough, and why in the world do we burden ourselves with the awesome responsibility of keeping score?
Me in her; her in me; perhaps… you in us.
I think, in part, this is where the story moves from solely belonging to me and my daughter to belonging to you as well. I’ve been to the woodshed in recent days, friends. I imagine some of you could say the same. Maybe some of you are there tonight. Do me a favor…
Put the soap back in the dish; hang the paddle back on the nail, and simply sit in silence with your Daddy. He’s already ascended the stairs on your behalf, and I imagine that he has a word or two of grace to offer to your hurting heart.
“Stop right there, child. Before you say anything further, do anything further, you need to know something. I’ve already been to the woodshed for you. And just in case you’re wondering, it really, really hurt. And just in case you’ve forgotten, you’re really, really worth it.”
Him in us; us in Him. And none of us too very far from the family tree. As always…
Peace for the journey,
PS: My heart is strangely stirred this night… these last few posts have come from both a place of poverty of soul and fullness of spirit. Some of you won’t understand that; I’m not sure I understand it all myself, but of this I am certain. God is moving in my heart, and he longs to speak to me. Accordingly, I must move closer for a listen. I’ve walked with God long enough to know when he is calling… long enough to know that I don’t want to miss a single moment of intimacy with him… certain enough to know that something good is around the corner. I pray all of this and more for each one of you tonight. I’ll see you on the other side of God’s burning bush. Shalom.
Copyright © June 2010 – Elaine Olsen
Wow! What a fantastic post! I know that woodshed! Thanks for sharing what is on your heart!
until next time… nel
Oh wow! This is good stuff! Good stuff!
I received more than a nugget from this, Elaine…
"When does hurt, hurt enough, and why in the world do we burden ourselves with the awesome responsibility of keeping score?"
Awesome lesson in this post…and yes…something good is right around the corner….
Miss A is the spitting image of her precious mama!! This post was wonderful, Elaine! Wonderful. Give that baby girl a hug!
I can't wait to see what God lays upon your heart next…and mine!!
Love you!
Susan
And I had many, many trips to the woodshed!
Oh how thankful I am that He has been there for me.
I saw myself in Amelia, in each scenerio, and it makes me love her already.
This brought tears, as you so often do with me.
Hugs!
Sonja
I've been to the woodshed myself–I tend to be hard on myself. However, I REALLY identify with your "P.S." I will soon be writing a blog to try to express my feelings. But for some reason I have felt an emptiness or restlessnes of spirit, all the while knowing that I am so blessed and can see His hand in so many ways. Thanks, as always; and I certainly found more than a nugget!
Ooooh did I need this. We are certainly from the same tree, my friend. I LOVE this: Put the soap back in the dish; hang the paddle back on the nail, and simply sit in silence with your Daddy. He’s already ascended the stairs on your behalf, and I imagine that he has a word or two of grace to offer to your hurting heart.
What a blessing. Praying for you, my friend.
“Stop right there, child. Before you say anything further, do anything further, you need to know something. I’ve already been to the woodshed for you. And just in case you’re wondering, it really, really hurt. And just in case you’ve forgotten, you're really, really worth it.”
Those are the words I needed to hear today – there was much more than this little nugget to draw from your post. I too need to draw away and spend some quiet with Him, knowing He is trying to speak His grace to me and teach me some new things…..
Thank you for sharing out of your "poverty of soul and fullness of spirit." Please keep on sharing as God leads. You are blessing many by your obedience to Him!
Love,
Heather
Ooooh! Been there…done that! Even when I know God has forgiven me, I've discovered that it is sometimes difficult to forgive myself. Maybe that comes through my awareness of guilt and feelings of unworthiness. However, when I have thought that way, God has reminded me that He made the ultimate sacrifice…paid the ultimate price as my punishment. Who am I to not accept it? Sometimes, I admit, that I have continued to punish myself because of wanting others to know how sorry I am for my sin. But, I should be more concerned about what God thinks. I need to remember, accept, receive and be thankful for His gift. Praise God!
Living for Him, Joan
wifeforthejourney:
A modern-day parable to be sure! Your gift for bringing Christian discipleship to the fore in your writing is on display today. I think most Christians are tempted to engage in a lot of self-punishment. Keep shining the light of the truth!
Love you,
Billy
The woodshed seems to be where many of us land.. not that we surely don't deserve it. What a precious reminder of God's redemption, mercy and grace. Elaine, your words always stir my heart … thank you sweet friend.
This was funny and tearful. And how ironic in that I just posted on poverty of soul as I am seeking to grow meekness in my spirit. You bless me so much friend.
Believing Him~Pamela
I also know well that personal flogging for personal sin. It's one of my biggest battles but that also means it can become the Lord's greatest grace note in my life.
Personal flogging for personal sin~~~I am the original personal flogger, I do believe. I'm quite good at it and often do not know when to cease.
So thankful for the grace that my Lord offers me….and for the swift kick in the booty that He sometimes gives me over my prideful flogging of self.
Leah
Dad always kept a bundle of kindling in the woodshed to keep us warm. It was the kind of wood that would help start a fire when we were cold. Not all the kindling made it to the fire; sometimes it was judiciously used in modest doses to help us remember 'choices and consequences'. Notwithstanding the wisdom of studies on corporal punishment and the abuse that often accompanies paddling and smacking, I would not exchange one of those disciplined 'spankings' that was given to me out sheer love and abundant mercy, for a discipline that coddles and cajoes. A loose license towards behavior and a thin understanding of obedience betrays the gift of grace that comes with a rigorous respect for honor, integrity, and obedience. Having said all of this, I still believe that spanking is the least affective corrective, but it must not be demonized. God in Christ would not take a club and beat us, to be sure; but neither would He forever permit us to 'have it our way' without the 'chastening rod' of His corrective peace. Without that, we all would end up with punished far more heinous that any spanking ever given.
from a father of a one who rarely raised his voice at his daughters, but could and did on occasions; and sometimes more.
You are beautiful!
Thank you Jesus for creating Elaine…because I can NOT imagine my life without You speaking through her!
Continue to speak to her…and I know she will continue to allow it to flow out!
Amen
Profound, Elaine. And if Leah is the "original personal flogger", I may be the gold medal personal flogger! I can blame no one for this but myself and the enemy of my soul.
And re. the P.S. I DO understand and DON'T understand right along along with you.
Jesus is coming soon! I'm convinced of it! He is setting apart a people for Himself; calling us out of ourselves and small lives into the hope of His Return.
Oh, yes, I've taken myself to the woodshed on many occasions, being way too harsh and keeping myself there way too long.
“Stop right there, child. Before you say anything further, do anything further, you need to know something. I’ve already been to the woodshed for you. And just in case you’re wondering, it really, really hurt. And just in case you’ve forgotten, you're really, really worth it.”
I needed to hear this, friend. Thanks for another great post.
Love you
Powerful post, my friend. I too am acquainted with that woodshed. What great thoughts to keep in mind next time I'm tempted to go back there.
Thank you for the wonderful story that was full of spiritual application. I too was a woodshed dweller for a season. Then I moved, but as Satan would have it, I kept returning to take a beating, that I now know was from him and not from my gracious Father and Saviour. I don't like to listen to the devil when he tempts me back to that place and I rarely do now. But it took a long, long time to realize that by continuing to go back down to the woodshed, I was not giving God the glory that He deserves. He died for my sins once and for all! Praise Him for such mercy and grace!
Elaine, this is one of my favorites! It speaks such love between you and your daughter, you and your Lord, and our Lord's unfailing love for us.
Thanks for posting your heart. It means so much to me, and I do understand!
Love,
Andrea
An absolutely wonderful post!! Thank you for sharing your heart!
I so needed to hear this today. May you be blessed.
Hugs.
All I can say Elaine, is, Yes, LORD!
I humbly prostrate before YOU Father God… allowing You to work in me. Work out in me what You want me to take away and to offer to You as well as You use me and offer to them! YOUR words is more powerful than people know. I thank You for freely offering Your grace and mercy to pardon my sins and be my savior. In Jesus' name, amen.
This post has utterly taken my breath away.
so beautiful. i just love your writing my friend. you just bless me again and again and again…..
Wonderful Elaine………I needed this today!!!
BTW…..I too have sensed a deep stirring within my Spirit over the last few days…….He's drawing us into the deeper depths of His Heart……..Holy intimate whispers of love, encouragement, assignments and direction……..Lord, I don't want to miss one whisper or heartbeat….
Sweet Blessings!
Jackie
Well I have spent a few times in the woodshed. Recently as yesterday and so this was a treasure for me. Having twins it is interesting to see where they sit on the family tree…as dear hubby would say one is like me and one like him…so true as I have begun to see. Oh give that beautiful daughter a hug and thanks for sharing. This was an awesome post
Oh my word, what a fabulous post my new friend, I am so happy I came over to see your blog, oh me I sure will be back, and add you to my favorite list on my own blog, you are indeed a lady after my own heart, oh I so enjoyed this, and held it close to my heart, wow a nugget, it is the whole bar of gold. God bless you as you snuggle close to him, and as you teach your child what he can do for her, and what he has did for you, Lots of hugs, and Blessings, Barbara from http://bakinnbitsbarbara.blogspot.com/
Your blog is such a blessing to me. Yes, I have been to the woodshed, countless times. I am BIG on feelings of guilt which are not healthy. What an amazing lesson you have taught.
Blessings to you!
Jennifer
Don't know how you held the laughter back when your daughter announced that she had already punished herself 🙂 Wish my youngest had spanked herself a few times — I grew weary of doing it! 🙂
What a great lesson about the woodshed. I know the place all too well…
wow…..I really loved every bit of this post. I have a little girl who is the "caboose" after three brothers as well. And her and I are so much alike as you describe.
Like Joanne….thank you for this:
Put the soap back in the dish; hang the paddle back on the nail, and simply sit in silence with your Daddy. He’s already ascended the stairs on your behalf, and I imagine that he has a word or two of grace to offer to your hurting heart.
thank you for the reminder of the loving and forgiving Father we have.
This one was for me. Every word. From God through you to me.
Thank you.
Oh my———–
you wrote:
Me in her; her in me.
Like in the one-sided conversation that followed her “thinking it over” when she met me on the stairs half-way. Me coming up; her coming down.
“Stop right there, Mommy (upright hand directed at me). Before you say anything you need to know something. I’ve already washed my mouth out with soap, and I’ve already spanked myself. And just in case you’re wondering… it really, really hurt.” (Her words; not mine.)
Only GOD could script this – like a play and then have you connect the finished work at the ending to show us what HE did for US!!!
I too – was so blessed by our phone conversation today! I am so thrilled that God has connected us on the journey of His peace!
Thanks for taking the time to make that call today! We will do it again – for sure!
Choosing JOY in the journey,
Stephanie
Breathtakingly beautiful is all I'll say!
I can relate as a Mother of two daughters who now has two grand daughters…
them in me; me in them…
Love you!
P.S. I fully understand your P.S.!
This post brought tears to my eyes. I didn't have a clue where you were going but when you got there –it was perfect.
I hardly know how to comment!
This post…I will be pondering for quite some time:)
Elaine,
This one…went direct to my soul. I understand much..and yes, like you and your daughter, I understand more of penalty than grace. But…right now…I reach out for grace and will allow Him to speak with compassion.
A Blessed Redeemer we have! Thank you, my friend.
Gladwell
Thank
I couldn't believe how my heart fluttered when I read the words from the Father…
“Stop right there, child. Before you say anything further, do anything further, you need to know something. I’ve already been to the woodshed for you. And just in case you’re wondering, it really, really hurt. And just in case you’ve forgotten, you're really, really worth it.”
Thanks for meeting me where I am at.