on quitting writing…

I quit writing yesterday. Quit. Put down the pen and said, “No more.”

 

Today, I’ve extended that deadline a bit. Why? Well, partly because of something I read last night and mostly because of something my daddy has told me time and again throughout the course of his preaching life.

 

“Elaine, I want to leave the ministry on Saturday nights before I preach. I re-enter the ministry every Sunday at noon.”

 

I get what my daddy’s saying. I feel the tension in my own life every time I’m asked to speak at an event and even, sometimes, when I’m writing a post. There’s something about the “front side” of creativity that stretches the soul, usually for the good, but sometimes so far stretched to not only “let out” the good, but also to “let in” the bad. The corrosive stuff that says, “Who are you kidding? You’re less than what you think you are. In the midst of the millions of words that will be written today . . . spoken today, yours won’t matter.”

 

That’s the stuff that stretches my soul and that threatens the livelihood of all “creatives” who risk sharing their work with others. Sometimes what we create—the songs we sing, the pictures we take, the words we write, the sermons we preach—is lost on our audiences. They don’t get it, and when they don’t get it (or at least when we think that they don’t get it), we struggle for understanding as well. And sometimes, that struggle is enough to make us want to quit. The anguish of our Saturday evenings (the night before we “launch”) stretches our faith and challenges our fortitude.

 

The front side of creative release is always the hardest side for me—doing the work, grinding it out, being disciplined enough and brave enough to put some words on paper and to do so against the backdrop of my faith. The backside of my creativity? The Sunday at noon? Well, more often than not, that’s the time when I willingly re-enter the ministry—when I draw the pen from my pocket, click it to “go,” and say to myself, “That wasn’t so bad. Let’s do it again. There just might be something to all of this.”

 

I don’t know where you are today. Maybe you’re living in the stress of your Saturday night—a time of preparation and feeling the strain of your creative pulse. You’re ready to launch, but your nerves and fear are getting the best of you.

 

Maybe you’ve arrived at your Sunday noon. You’ve delivered the goods and now you’re breathing in the beauty of the release. What you set your mind and heart to do has been done, and it’s been done well.

 

Maybe . . . you’re somewhere in between, maybe living your Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday—the days when nothing seems to be happening. Your creative life feels dull, desperate, and dead. Saturday and Sunday aren’t even on your radar because you’ve decided that Saturday’s angst and Sunday’s release are no longer worth the effort. All has not gone according to your plans, so why bother making any further ones?

 

I understand. All of it. Every single creative and non-creative day of the week. I’ve lived them all; celebrated most of them, cursed a few of them, and still carry a heavy question in my heart about how I’m going to walk through my remaining ones. I don’t know where my writing will take me in the days ahead. There have been some huge disappointments I’ve experienced along the way. I imagine you could say the same about your creativity. Still and yet, I know this as a certainty:

 

God has planted his creative pulse inside each one of us. You are not the one person who’s been denied this sacred endowment. Your creativity, my creativity, is a gift that should be invested into the soul of humanity—not wasted, not hoarded, not buried. It’s how we help to make this world complete, how we put God’s finishing touches on what he began in Eden. When we pick up the pen, the paintbrush, the guitar, the camera . . . whatever our creative edges . . . when we tend to them and give them room enough to grow and breathe, we grow and breathe as well. We become willing participants in our Mondays thru Saturdays, because we know that Sunday noon is not far in coming.

 

I want my Sunday noon. I want you to have yours as well, for all of us to get to the other side of the birthing process—to labor hard and to willingly carry the burden of our creativity through to the finish—so that we might see and feel the beauty of a new work. A new grace. A new creation to flourish inside an older one. A new day, a “Sunday,” to rest and to believe, again, in the goodness and rightness of such moments.

 

Yes, I quit writing yesterday. Today, I picked up the pen once more, and even though my calendar says “Wednesday,” it feels a whole lot more like Sunday noon to me. As always…

 

Peace for the journey,

Monday – Friday deliberations? Saturday angst? Sunday noon? Where is your creative pulse resting today? How are you feeling about your creativity?

45 Responses to on quitting writing…

  1. I have quit ministry at least a hundred times…in the days before I speak….in my mind, I decide it would be so much easier to NOT. Then the Lord walks with me through the event, speaks through me to the hearts in front of me, and allows me the joy of feeling His smiling nod upon my life. In the after of each event, I pick up the mantle of ministry and move ahead, with HIM leading me.

    I totally GET this post!

  2. “Your creativity, my creativity, is a gift that should be invested into the soul of humanity—not wasted, not hoarded, not buried.”

    Hmm….I have done all three of these things so many times…and also felt like “the one person who’s been denied this sacred endowment. “

    Your words…His words have pierced my heart this morning…and although I am not a seasoned investor…I know the One who can show me the way…

    Thank you…again , Elaine for writing so honestly and challenging my thoughts and motives….

    • I remember when I first started blogging. I’d have a great idea to share but hesitated to do so, thinking it would make a great idea for a book someday. In one particular moment on one particular day (and many days since then), I clearly felt God’s Spirit press into my spirit these words: “Spend them now, Elaine. You are not promised another day. Spend them, give them now. Don’t wait.”

      I’ve tried to follow this prompt, even in my darkest hours.

      Thank you for giving your words to us, Karen. I love your pen!

  3. Right with you, I’ve felt it all too. I feel sure most of us have. If not, it’s coming… those ‘putting down the pen’ times. But I’ve also known the Sunday noons, and that’s worth it all as the spark returns. It’s such a picture of our lives, and that pen of yours writes its way right into my heart one more time.

    • One faithful, chosen, deliberate step at a time, even when we want to quit. Keep to it, sister.

  5. I pour myself into my writing. I labor. It takes hours for me to write one article and then I hope someone will read it and benefit from what I wrote. I pray, just one, God, just one person might be encouraged today through my writing.

    I write and I wonder. I write and I doubt. I write and feel a release. I write and I am vulnerable yet satisfied in expressing my soul.

    Non-authors do not realize what we go through in order to put words, our words, on paper.

    Thank you, Elaine, I needed this today. I am about to labor again, hoping, praying that once again God will be glorified and another might be comforted.

    http://advocateofhope.wordpress.com

    • I know how hard it is, Cyndi, really I do. All of us do. I also know that your heart is in a very good place and that you are writing to be a strong encouragement to many who are going through the tough journey of cancer. You do it so well, the words and the encouragement. Please let me know if I can be of any help to you. You might to join in on Jeff Goins’ webinar this afternoon; follow this link to sign up. Several of us will be listening in: http://blogthatconverts.com/webinars/jeff-goins-derek-halpern/

  6. My Sunday noons usually come on Monday morning (I’ve always been a little slow)…but that’s beside the point. I think MY biggest temptation to put down the pen comes when I get confused about who my audience is…. Do you know what I mean?

    • Yes, I get it. I’ve asked myself that question a lot. Who is my audience? Well, for starters it’s me. It’s Jesus. It’s also (hugely so) my readers, at least when it comes to putting my words on public display. If I wasn’t writing with all 3 entities in mind, if it was just for me and for Jesus, then I probably wouldn’t mess with all of this blogging stuff. It really is hard work. C.S. Lewis said, “We read to know we’re not alone.” I think the same is true for our words. “We write to know we’re not alone.”–at least I do.

      Thanks for being a faithful witness of Jesus Christ with every word you write, sister. You bless me.

  7. I’m stuck in the middle of Monday. I’ve living a year or two of Mondays! 🙁

    • I like thinking about what each day might mean to each of us. Undoubtedly, we’d have a lot of different definitions for them.

  8. Elaine,

    I was ”there” with you all the way through this post! I can see myself in every line! And not just in my writing and other creative things. It’s been fourteen years now since our last child graduated from home school and I still remember that every January/February I would tell my husband, “I just can NOT do this another year!” And every January/February I really meant that! But by mid-summer I was always excited about a new school year and ordering new books and supplies. And you know what? I made it! And the kids did too! All of them are above average, hard working, productive citizens. It was totally worth keeping on starting over every fall.

    And now I love to write. But for the past year or so I have put that on the back burner. I feel sometimes like it’s something I should do ONLY when everything else has been done. Like writing is a luxury in my life. But really, to me, it’s a necessity and I can feel myself getting anemic academically because I have not partaken often enough lately.

    You do have a knack of giving me a ”kick-start” Elaine and for that I am so grateful.

    God bless you dear sister in Christ!

    Love you my faithful friend!

    Marilyn

    • I know you love writing, Marilyn. I love baths. I take one every day. So using this loose line of thinking:), why not pick up the pen today? Love you.

      • Hopefully next week…AFTER the wedding! 🙂 Am waiting on two phone calls now. One from my hairdresser to see if she can re-do a little bit in the back from last week….just not liking how my hair is laying. The other from the Party Store to let me know if the table covers for the rehearsal supper are in yet! But , yes! I hope to get back to writing very soon! I miss it so. I think it is therapy for me.

  9. Your post alone shows your creative spirit!! I gave up but was drawn back after months of wandering around telling myself I am not good and God probably has something else for me. But here I am again–waiting for my Sunday. But getting through it as we all have to:) Blessings to you!

    • I hear you, Terri. I know if I “quit” I’ll be back at it before long. I just need some refocusing at this point and some quiet! Blessings. Glad you’re back!

  11. This was such water for a very thirsty soul. Thank you Elaine. Between denying, battling, arguing, dragging my feet, and feeling way overwhelmed and out of my league, I am struggling. Struggling with writing! If He asks I know He has purpose, but boy I just can’t figure it out!

    • Really, I recommend Jeff Goins’ book, http://youareawriter.com/. It’s available as an e-book or on your reader. Very easy read that will pump up your pen and help you to believe in your gifting again! Be encouraged, friend. You’re not alone in this struggle.

  13. Elaine, it’s interesting but what you wrote in response to Karen’s comment hit me. I have so many ideas for blog posts but then I tend to save the good ones for another time. My plan has been to write an eBook this summer on lessons from the dying for the living. I found all of my journals including my many experiences with the dying while working as a cardiac nurse. I think I will write a few posts about this topic first. There are so many stories I’ve yet to share.

    Thanks for writing this post. I’m going to link over to Melanie’s blog to read hers.

    Blessings and love,
    Debbie

  15. I’ve wanted to quit at times, too, Elaine. Gosh, life would be so much easier then, huh? But I press on because this is the work God has called me to do. I’m glad you picked up the pen again, too 🙂

    Right now I’m reading Cec Murphey’s book Unleash the Writer Within, and it deals with lots of issues the writer faces. I’m about half-way through, and it’s good stuff. Cec is about as honest as you can get.

    Pressing on with you, friend!

  16. Yes ma’am, sister love. I am with you 100% here. I quit all the time… lol…before hopping right back to it a bit later. And sometimes this happens in the same day. It’s work.. and exhausting. I’m glad you picked your pen back up again!

    Love this post and your transparent heart!

    Love you,
    Kennisha

  17. What a blog, sweetheart–on target, on focus, and on time. While I was reading it along with the 33 responses, I recalled the theme of Saturday Night as one of the existentialist’s motifs. Saturday night to theme in Beckett’s “Waiting for God”; before you finish the first past of the script, you note the time–it is between Friday and Sunday, between Good Friday and Easter, between despair and hope. And frankly, that is where most of us live. You may have heard of Tony Compolo’s famed words from a sermon he heard…”It is Friday but Sunday’s coming”. And to make that ‘bridge’, you have to pass through Saturday, period. There is no ‘promise land’ without the wilderness. Celebrate the wilderness, thank God for it, because the Gospel is first bad news before it is good news; that is, we are sinners, lost and undone…and in spite of that, He loves us still and wants us on His side. Well, for what its worth…Jesus’ in-between time; between death and resurrection was the time He went announced the coming victory to all those in the prison-house of death, that their chains would be loosed and evil’s dastardly plan was now about to be thwarted. Easter-people, take heart.

  18. Such encouraging words, Elaine! And, as I was writing a post about the benefits of quitting, I decided to quit that post and head to FB to see that you had just posted this! I was remembering the book The Dip by Seth Godin. How we need to know when to quit. I always thought quitting meant failure, but in truth it can mean that we are totally aware of where we are at in a moment or a season.

    But to think of your dad and his words… that quitting with the knowledge of picking it back up but with a full and deliberate heart and passion… renewed… Yes, that makes so much sense to this soul. And so very much refreshes this soul.

    Love to you, my darling friend.

  19. Yes, me, too. I mourn over my laying down of the pen; yet, it tugs at my soul. For now, though, I am in a waiting season, bearing in patience as I listen for the voice of my Father in the matter.

    A definite reaching from within to minister through writing lives in me. I have ideas and adaptations I’m considering, but the last thing I want to do is move beyong God’s current margins.

    You, dear friend, are so purposed by Him to carry His voice to the world. Amen. You were designed, formed and breathed, to do all you do. And, the truth of your gift could hardly be missed by any.

    Thank you for your transparency and for lifting up my soul.

    Andrea

  20. My heart aches at the thought of your quitting writing. It is so inspiring, thoughtful, and from the Lord. I understand the frustration though. I really do. May we never cease to lift up one another to the Lord for support and greater hope in our pen’s purpose.

  21. I quit a few weeks ago. I quit because I felt that my writing—at least the blogging part of writing had flipped on me. I was putting writing in the place of being with God–I thought about it more, cultivated it more, gave it more of myself. “You shall have no other gods before you.”

    I miss it— though not as much as I did at first. Of course, I am still writing on paper.

    I love your insights. They are encouragement to me even as I try to put writing in its proper place in my life.

    • Dea…

      I’m so glad you stopped by and left a comment. Trust me when I tell you, I understand the drain and topsy-turvy road of writing. We live in a world of many words, and I celebrate your willingness to take some time off to sort it through. I recently read Jeff Goins e-book (there’s a link to it at the beginning of this post) that re-energized my heart for the writing journey. If you love writing, this might be a good “read” for you in this season. Blessings, sister, as you continue to sit at the feet of our Father and enjoy special communion with him. Time well spent!!!

  23. Read your post and “The Next Post”. I am sitting in the hospital waiting room while my husband is in surgery. Pushing through writer’s block and hitting the publish button after some time was wonderful. Thanks for the inspiration and encouragement. What you wrote in “The Next Post” is true for me too in regards to what ot write about. SO glad ot know there is someone else out there who thinks that too! It helped me to my original reason which was to write for me, my own memories and experiences and also about my love for God and the journey with Him.. Family and friends are welcome to read too. Thanks a bunch! A big bunch!

    • I’m glad you are encouraged, Linda. Writing can be a real buzzard some days, but just the fact that you’re writing about not writing means that you’re a writer! Start calling yourself that… a writer, and write what pleases your heart. Don’t worry about numbers, etc. (easier said than done), but if you lose your love for words, then it will be harder to climb out of that pit.

      I hope your husband does well with surgery. It’s hard to wait, yes?

  24. Thanks for the good writeup. It in fact was once a enjoyment account it.
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