It’s been a year now since we moved our son into his second floor dorm room at Campbell University. Even tonight, those memories come to me with clarity as if lived only moments ago.
Everyone told me it would get better—this pain that kicked me in the gut with the force and fury of a winded hurricane. I didn’t believe them then, but time has walked its cadence. And now a year down the road, my wounds of separation have healed, as God has tenderly walked me through this mothering milestone with the prayed for measure of grace that speaks the witness of a Father’s faithfulness.
Tonight we stand at the edge of another letting go. We are preparing to send him back. I won’t be making the trip this time. There is less need now, but there was a deep need back then. Then was painful. Now is joyful. Not because I am glad to see him go, but simply because I am free to let him do so. Free to let him become and to grow into the man who God has called him to be.
Nick and I have done a lot of maturing over the past year. I’ve come to understand that my “release” is necessary if he is to fly. I know it sounds simple. In theory, it is. But doing it—embracing the letting go? Far from simple. For me, it’s been the most complex learning to date. Honestly, I’m glad to be on the other side of this one, but while my heart rests this night in peace for the process, I know that there are those of you who are profoundly feeling the effects of being on “this side” of the letting go.
I’m drawn to you. My tears have wept for you. I cannot keep from being filled to a heart’s brim with a deep measure of understanding love and compassion for the steps that you are making. What can one mother possibly render as useful in this time of painful transition? What could be said that hasn’t already been spoken over your bleeding wounds? Probably very little.
But this I will tell you, for I know it to be true. I’ve lived and breathed its witness in this past year and in the previous nineteen that lie behind.
He asks of us a hard thing. But hard is not always bad, and in this case, hard is very good and especially right and our necessary portion if our children are ever to find their firm rooting in Jesus.
I didn’t like it then, but it swallows easier tonight, for I have gained the wisdom of a year long learning. I have hindsight, and before long, you will have it too. It cannot be rushed through, even though your heart cries out for the finished process. It simply must walk. Step by step until you find yourself on the other side of “letting go.”
There are some things…some places in all of our lives that simply are too tender for words. Moments when we come to the utter edges of ourselves and wonder where we will find the strength for the next moment. Where we are caught in the fragment between breaths and find it difficult to breathe our next.
I had one of those moments today. To date, it is the most difficult pain I have ever known. For those of you who have been through it, you’re nodding your head just now. For those of you who await its arrival in the somewhere not so distant future, you’ll not fully appreciate it until it arrives.
I hugged him tightly, cried my eyes out, and groaned with utterings that words cannot express most of the hour ride home from Campbell University this afternoon. I listened, in turn, as the 16 year old in the back seat uttered his own share of groanings. Bless Billy…all he was allowed to do was to manage the van back to our driveway. And just when I thought I had conquered my angst, I arrived home to find a beautiful bouquet of flowers on the kitchen counter. It arrived somewhere around noon today, while my in-laws were watching the little ones.
Completely of his own accord, my college freshman son (who I’ve often thought not quite ready for the world…for you see he has so much more to learn…so many more ways to mature) did a very “adult” thing. A very lovely and gracious thing. He thought of his mom, and he told her that he loved her…that she was his heart.
All I could do was hug my flowers and have my husband take a picture of me pitifully cradling my gift. A memory for the years to come. To remind me that, perhaps, Nicholas is ready for the world, and that with God’s help, we will both manage the transition with a measure of grace and joy. 
Thank you for the times when you’ve prayed for us. I felt every one of those petitions honored today. Tonight I will gaze upon my bouquet as I let their beauty and my tears lull me to sleep to awaken me to another day. A Sabbath day.
A day that will rise on all of us and beckon our participation. I pray that all of us will find rest with our great and awesome God as the dawn announces its arrival.
I love you all. Thank you for loving us.
Peace…sweet peace for the journey and for the next.
Sabbath did come, my friends, and I found my peace in this journey through God’s amazing love and tender care over my soul. It will come for you, too, for Sabbath rest is always our portion when we allow our Father the freedom to walk our hurt and to heal our hearts.
This won’t be my final chorus of surrender as it pertains to my children. It has been the first and because of it, I will have some courage and understanding for the next. Perhaps, you need a little courage and understanding tonight. Your heart and your pain are safe with me. Greater still…
Your heart is perfectly loved and safe with our Father. More than anyone, He understands the painful tug of “letting go.” He walked it with his Son so that we could walk to him with our surrenders and lay them safely in his hands.
May God grant you the grace, wisdom, and beauty of a sacred release tonight. And may He always…always…give you his,
Copyright © August 2008 – Elaine Olsen. All rights reserved.
PS: Nick’s just taken off…I am fine. There is, however, another young lady who isn’t faring so well. 
Elaine this was a perfect expression of what every mother feels when her child leaves home for the first time. You said it beautifully – thank you. Even though I’m long past this part of my life I still feel it sometimes when I look on my adult children and their children, wondering where the time went. blessings, marlene
I have a friend going through this, so I’m going to point her to your site…she’ll get comfort from your wise words…in these type situations you always feel alone and others’ perspetives seem to balm the wounds.
Enjoy your Sunday
Well, Elaine, my tears are flowing so much that I can barely even see to type this comment. Whew!
I have one child, an 11 1/2-year-old daughter who begins middle school next week. I was delighted when she began school. Even on the first day of preschool, when mothers were weeping uncontrollably, I was happy … knowing that Katy was happy, ready, and excited.
When I think about her actually LEAVING home for college, however, I can barely breathe. I get choked up just thinking about it!
Yet, I know our God is good and sovereign, and He loves Katy more than my husband and I do. Her Heavenly Father will continue to care for her when her earthly parents are not close by. (For your son, too!)
Thanks so much for sharing your heart. It encourages me for the journey ahead. (And, how PRECIOUS that he sent you flowers!)
“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)
Sunday blessings!
When my oldest (now 39) decided to enter the military at 18 I thought I’d die. Not only was he to leave home, but unlike the college-goers that would come-and-go frequently from their homes, he would leave home for long periods dotted with distance. We lived in WA State; he was dispatched to Virginia.
There was a hole in my soul that threatened to root; never leave. It took me many long months to get over it or, rather … to accept life on life’s terms.
The 2nd and 3rd to go were far easier. At least they remained close to home (though sometimes I wished they’d moved to Virginia too). They each struggled to get their adultness into gear, but none more than me.
Great post!
Katheen
Well my friend, you know – you KNOW – this has touched my heart.
I was in your place with my youngest last year, and while it was so hard, I’m facing this next “leaving” with a much more confident and peaceful heart.
However, even with my first child leaving three years ago, because she’s not at a place in her life where I thought -hoped and prayed-she’d be by now, my heart is still wrenched. There is a letting go of a different variety that must take place, and while I know that it’s going to be a hard road, I know my God will be faithful to walk, not only me, but my daughter along it’s rocky path.
Thank you for water to this mother’s thirsty heart.
Only 3 more years and that will be me. How did that happen so quickly?
I’m glad that this year was easier for you…
How proud you and God must be of your sweet son.:)
I have two boys myself, and my oldest has two years of high school left. I haven’t really even begun to understand the next phase. I know it is coming around the corner soon though.
Thank you for sharing your heart’s experience; I know it will encourage myself and so many others once we all face the same journey of “letting go.”
God Bless,
Amy:)
You are my inspiration. I struggle with letting my boys walk down the street alone! I’m already fearful of that great separation that won’t come for years. I have to practice daily thanking the Lord that they are HIS! Not really mine to begin with…
but such a beautiful post, Faith Elaine. Lovely.
Elaine,
Once again, you “got me”…
This was just beautiful. I’m so blessed God granted you an extra measure of His wonderful grace once again.
“Our God is faithful and good.”
In all things, at all times.
Now, that picture of your daughter, talk about break my heart!!!
Blessings my friend,
Susan
How incredibly sweet to see such a young lady so distraught over her big brother leaving. I know it’s painful for her but to see that picture of them and of her sobbing so, just warms my heart. It seems incredibly sweet with such a little girl loving her much older brother so dearly and missing him.
I love all the pics.
Your son is very handsome young man and looks much like his momma.
🙂
I KNOW I will need to read this in ten years. I can so feel your heart. Praying for your daughter, and your whole family. thank you so much for sharing your pain, your heart, and your God-gotten wisdom.
Hi Elaine. I just posted something today regarding selfishness and pride. Would it be alright to include your quote that says, “It’s the way of selfish heart—a perfected “taking” that harbors the lie that we have nothing left in our reserves to offer. No surplus or residue thereof for the sharing. No bags to hang on the mailbox. No garden’s growth and thus, no produce to feed my neighbors.” If this is okay to post I will give credit to you and a link to your blog. It is such a good quote, and I’ve been chewing on it the last 24 hours.
Nicole
Praying for Amelia.
I still have a couple of years before my son goes off to University, but I pray that over this next little while, the Lord will be guiding me in the “letting go” process so that when the time comes I will have faith to trust and, through tears, still be able to cheer as he “flies”.
Embracing Him,
Joy
What a beautiful post! And I’m sure it touched all of us mothers. .looking ahead or looking back!
As I looked at the picture of you with Nick as a baby and then the grown young man, I thought of the song, “Fiddler on the Roof”
Sunrise, Sunset
Sunrise, Sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One season following another
Laden with happiness and tears.
And having a great grandson that will be a teenager next month, I REALLY realize how swiftly fly the years!
I’m glad you have such a sweet relationship with your children!
mary
Aww…that is so sweet that she loves her brother that much! I can imagine it’s hard to have him go off at that age; they won’t have much time under the same roof in years to come.
The pictures of you in the hospital with him and then the two of you now really got to me! I can see myself in that time warp–the one where you know that years have passed and yet at the same time it’s only been an instant since you gave birth! (In my case, my firstborn is only heading off to kindergarten, but there’s some serious foreshadowing for me in your post!)
I may need to print this off and digest it in small pieces. After far too much practice over my lifetime, I’ve become a very reluctant “letting go-er.” Maybe I can grasp the reality of your insights with not so much practice though. (Personal philosophy of mine; glean as much wisdom from other’s examples so I don’t have to learn it all the hard way on my own!)
Hello, my friend, Elaine.
It seems that we have some “release” issues in common. (See my blog post from today)
I love your thoughts. As always, they take me there and speak to my soul.
Thanks for using your gift for Him!
Much love,
Lisa 🙂
I am not even trying to hold back tears…
It is a differnt stage – but some similarities as I truly struggle with letting my boys – especially K- do things on their own. I sometimes wonder why letting go is one of the hardest things I’ve ever come up against, but then I am reminded of the sweet little boy whom I had to let go of so early. Our JD was only 10 days old and it was so counterintuitive to let go of him – even when we knew he was gone.
K will be going to another year of preschool in a couple of weeks. This will be a new school with new teachers and classmates. They say I can’t go with him… 🙂 I have the strongest protective tendency with this little guy. I know that some may make fun of his lack of coordination, his leg braces, that he still wears diapers. They may not see the amazing living and breathing miracle that he is.
I appreciate your wisdom and your sharing has been helpful to me.
Elaine,
I had a purpose this morning…work on my book. I told myself NO BLOGGING. I was not going to read any. I came over here to get your email to send you something to critique.
Instead…I find myself crying. I am in a public place and my tears are running down my cheeks, and so is my nose. Our oldest is a senior this year and I am starting to feel the stirrings already of ‘letting go.’
I plan on gleaning from your heart when my time to let go and let God comes for me.
Blessings friend, Joanne
Elaine,
I love the way you bare your heart to everyone! I am getting better at it but used to always try and make everyone believe I had it altogether and then when I was alone bawl my eyes out. All my kids are grown up and out on their own….for many years now….but I still remember well the pain of their first leavings! So glad that this year was better for you!
God bless you!
Marilyn
Oh elaine, you are preparing me for what is to come with my 3 boys. I cried upon reading your post, and yet you always always bless through your words adn your wisdom.
Elaine, it appears that most of your readers are women, so I guess I will be somewhat unique. Thanks for sharing your heart and for all of your prayers, as we left Hannah in the mountains yesterday and made the l-o-n-g trip home. I assure you that it was just as hard on Dad to leave his “little girl” as it was on Mom, and just when I thought I was recovering, after a five hour drive, we arrive home and as I walked through the house and by her empty bedroom, I fell apart again. My only consolation is that I know that I am letting go and letting God, and I truly do trust him to take care of her, and I know she does too. I do hope that it gets easier and better…. I do appreciate your words of wisdom.
Hi Elaine! Well, in my story I’m the one leaving to go to college. However, this is not my first year, but my third. I may not really understand the pain you felt- the pain you beautifully described in this post. My mom does though. It was hard for my mom and it still is. But God is good and gives us peace when we need it the most… I love reading your post!
~Jennifer
Friends, you need to know that I am hearing from you…all over blogland this day; not only in the comments’ section but in my personal emails. Your names and the names of your children (if I know them) are being added to a specific prayer list I keep. You will be prayed for. And as our brave George has pointed out, we mothers don’t grieve our “letting go’s” in isolation. There are some fathers who are just simply torn up over the matter. Let’s pray for them, too.
By the way, George and his wife attend our church, and I have watched him parent his children with the raw and real emotion that few fathers bring to the table. He is a lover of God and a lover of his family. May we all live so lavishly in our expression for humanity.
PS: If you’d like to be added to my list, you can email me or let me know via comments. It’s apparent that this “letting go” issue is an often over-looked portion of ministry in the body of Christ, so let’s be the body and pray and check up on one another from time to time!
peace~elaine
The little lady that wasn’t faring so well, caused an oooohhhh to escape my lips.
I wonder if God isn’t like that also, weeping when our paths don’t align with His? Or for those that totally walk away from Him, walking an unknown destination because they SIMPLY do not Believe?
Lovingly,
Yolanda
PS: It is so important, to share our hearts, the blessings and the trials. Thank you for your encouraging words!
Dearest Elaine,
I promise you, I remember reading your post last August, and feeling such pain along with you…
I have since moved from the house I was living in then, which, trust me, was no picnic. Once again, thank you for cheering me up last night, giving me hope, real hope. I so wanted to post last night, however, my cell phone connection wouldn’t let me leave a message.
Hugs to you,
Cousin Carolyn~
I am both happy and sad this evening. My oldest, although never without his little brother went to spend the night with his friend tonight. My youngest is spending the night with his grandma. My boys are very close and it saddened me to see my little one so “alone” without his older brother. They have come as a “package” if you will for almost 7 years now until tonight. One in one place and one in another and me here at home without either of them. Oh! Parenting! Helping them to spread their wings and slowly allowing them to fly. And you know, they are probably better off tonight than I am. Blessings,
Oh my gosh Elaine-this brought tears to my eyes. I think I am ready for my kids to go but I know when the time comes I will be just like your daughter!! Only by the grace of God…
In His Graces~Pamela
Elaine, this is so touching. The photos say it all. I am not there yet, but I did experience a touch of this when I sent my son, my firstborn, to kindergarten yesterday…an international one. i don’t even want to think about what comes down the road!!!
Elaine,
Looks like the past year grew you too. It’s so hard to send them off on their own. It’s so hard to let them grow into their own person, sometimes taking them away from what you had in plans for them. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and encouraging other mothers during this time. Thank you also for stopping by my place and leaving your kind words about my daughter. I shared them with her.
Deborah
Oh, how precious is her love for her brother!
I was 13 when my sister got married, she was 21. I was lost for such a long time…i didn’t know what to do without my nighttime prayer buddy…so my heart breaks for your daughter. Your hugs and caresses will be oh so precious to her right now…my mommy’s were.
Would you say a special prayer for me? I’m struggling with some emotions that are pulling me down…i know sometimes we’re placed in situations where we have to struggle in order to help someone else…but it’s feeling like i’m getting stepped on. I’m praying God will calm my spirit so I can do the work he wants me to with our youth group for their sakes…and to not let petty issues between the adults engulf me. we’re supposed to be the examples…anyway, i feel your connection has a better wavelength at the moment than mine has…
Oh, that was so sweet. I am praying for your little Amelia and for Nick.
When I moved out my little brother was only 4yrs old and it almost killed both of us. Now it’s just a sweet memory of how much we really do love each other.
Elaine, how do you do it? How do you put such words to feelings and memories, so that we are drawn to make our own decision to rest completely in the arms of our precious Lord? Because I have a sense of who you are… and a sense of who He is… I thank God for your obedience to Him to use your giftings to touch those pilgrims who find you.
And he will love Campbell–I know I did. Its smallness and everybody-knows-everybody atmosphere is uncommon at so many colleges…some professors even remember your name!
I don’t have to think about my eldest leaving for a few years…but I pray that your blog archives will still be around for me to consult!
I’ve only recently discovered your blog, and have found great comfort in your words. What a blessing for me! Thanks!
♥shj
Thanks for sharing. I’m crying as you did a year ago. Yep I can relate. Our whole house can relate. These emotions shall too pass. But the quiet, calm and still of the house are still looming in my heart. YOu are precious. Thanks.
Hi Elaine…I found you via Songs From My Journey.
This post brought tears to my eyes and expressed my heart fully. I am an empty nester and still in my heart yearn for my children. I raised 5 and it seemed so suddendly they were all grown and on their own. I truly miss my “ministry” of my children lives..raising them for the Glory of God.
thank you for sharing truly..A Mother’s Heart..and mine.
HOPE
Elaine, through a flood of tears I write this. I am defintely going through this very thing. I hate every minute of Ben being away from us, but my head tells me he has to do this thing called college. I am excited for what lies ahead for him. I have not accepted the fact (and don’t know if I ever will) that my first born, my little boy is a man and doesn’t need me quite so much. I am sure with time this raw wound will heal, and it will get easier to see him drive away on Sunday evenings (yes, he comes home every other weekend, and I still miss him!!!). But for right now, I try my best to hold things together while he is here and enjoy our time together. Baking cookies for him has become my new obession, and I can’t wait to fill up his container with them when he comes home. This, from me, who hates to bake!!! Thanks for your words. I am going to share them with friends that I have now who are going through this, and keep them for those who will benefit from them later.
Lori