I just got in from my run. It felt good… almost sacred. The time is fast coming when I’ll have to put running away for a short season. I can’t imagine myself running then… after surgery. So I don’t… imagine. Instead, I run in my today, because today is all I have been given and because running is a discipline that has been part of my life for twenty-five years.
I’m a runner. Not a fast one, but what I lack in speed I make up for in obedience. I’m a deliberate runner. A runner who chooses to lace up her shoes even when her heart lags behind. Why? Because running is good for my body. In doing so, it also serves the well-being of my mind, heart, and soul. It’s a way of honoring this temporal flesh that, for reasons beyond my understanding, God has chosen to make for his dwelling.
My flesh doesn’t belong to me. Neither does yours. We think that it does; spend a great deal of time and money pretending that it does, but the truth is…God paid a high price for our flesh—the flesh of his One and only Son. Accordingly, it belongs to him… all of it. No body part is exempt. I understand this more fully now; I thought I had a pretty good understanding prior to my diagnosis, but now the focus has become clearer.
In my quiet time yesterday morning, I handed over my flesh to him again. Over the course of my forty-four years, I’ve come to the altar in the matter of my flesh on many occasions. Time and again, God has been faithful to gather up my remnants and cradle them as his own. Today he cradles them again; today he cradles more of me—my all. What remains of my flesh is all that I have left to offer him. Long ago, I settled the matter regarding my heart. It’s been God’s for as long as I can remember, but I imagine my flesh has been lagging behind.
No longer, my friends. No longer. And here’s what I’m thinking about tonight…
God’s kingdom is an everlasting kingdom. It’s an enduring kingdom. It’s going to go forward regardless of my fleshly surrender. Therefore, I have two choices standing before me in this season:
To be a participant in God’s kingdom or to remain as an outsider.
I’m in… all in with God and his kingdom plan. In this time of change for me and my family, I pray you won’t find me on the sidelines of faith; I pray that, instead, you will find me leading the charge… staying the course and shouting the victory every step of the way. I want to keep running, friends, especially on those days when my flesh cries out for complacency. I want to keep doing what I’ve been doing for as long as I can remember.
I want to keep living Jesus, out loud and on purpose. It’s all I know to do.
I want to close this post with some thoughts from one of my favorite authors, Alicia Chole. In her book Anonymous she shares an important, life-changing truth that embedded its witness into my heart upon my first reading it a few years ago. Almost immediately upon receiving my cancer diagnosis I thought upon it. It’s been my shadow over these last few days. With Alicia’s permission, I share it with you tonight:
Marie was a very private person, but when she opened up the door to her personal life you needed to take notes. I always called her with a journal open and a pen poised. This woman was profound. And like most truly profound people, she was intimately familiar with pain. One day, Marie told me about a friend who visited her in the hospital after her third miscarriage. Trying to console her, the well-meaning friend had said, “You know, Marie, God is going to make you even stronger through this.”
My mentor smiled, thanked her friend, and thought about her words for several days. Relaying the hospital conversation to me, Marie explained that though she appreciated her friend’s intention, she questioned her friend’s conclusion about the purpose of pain. Marie ended our time together that day with the thought: “I feel that trials do not prepare us for what’s to come as much as they reveal what we’ve done with our lives up to this point.”
As Marie considered the pain of her third miscarriage, she realized that her response to this trial was less of a window into her future than it was a window into her past. Her current choices reflected and revealed her past choices. How had she responded previously when her dearest dreams perished in her womb? Did she withdraw from God in bitterness or come near to him with her unanswered questions? Had she tried to outrun the pain, or had she given herself permission to grieve and let the tears wash her wounds? The choices of her yesterdays were revealed through the window of her responses to her current trial.
In other words, trials tell us less about our future than they do about our past. Why? Because the decisions we make in difficult places today are greatly the product of decisions we made in the unseen places of our yesterdays. (Alicia Chole, Anonymous, Integrity Publishers, 2006, pg. 14-15).
What decisions are you making in your today that will better prepare you for your tomorrow? Are you currently complacent regarding your faith? Are you tending to your soul? Are you taking time to study God’s Word and to be in fellowship with other Christian believers who are building your faith rather than tearing at your resolve? Are you working in your churches? Are you praying every day? Are you listening to the promptings of God’s Spirit within? Are you participating in God’s kingdom cause? Are you speaking your faith? Are you loving God, knowing God, celebrating God, believing God?
If you are, then you can be certain that when tough times role your way, you will be well-equipped to handle the struggle. If you’re not, then it is time to start making some better choices today. Time to start deliberately living your faith, friends. Time to step it up and keep pace with the King. It’s what I plan to do in my “next.”
Cancer may be my “next,” but so is Jesus. I’ll be doing them both—cancer and Jesus together. I’ll be living them both with a kingdom view in mind. I pray your willingness to join me on the road. As always…
Peace for the journey,
~elaine
PS: I cannot begin to express to you my heartfelt thanks for all the many kindnesses you’ve extended to me in the past few days. There simply isn’t any way to make it around to all of your blogs and weigh in with my paltry “two-cents” right now, but as I can, I will visit you, because I dearly love you each one. Every now and again, I’ll give you a health update. Here’s the short version for tonight:
I had an MRI this morning in Greenville. After much thought and prayer, we’ve made the decision to stick with the breast oncologist there. He’s incredibly kind, and the man knows breasts! He’s also a man with a plan who is ready to move on with surgery, etc. We’ll be traveling back there on Monday to discuss the results of the MRI and how we will proceed. I imagine that things will move quickly. I want to take a moment to thank Rev. Homer Morris of Jarvis Memorial UMC for graciously gifting us with a motel room in Greenville last evening so that we wouldn’t have to endure a lengthy travel time this morning prior to my 7:00 AM appointment. I also want to thank my good friend, Judith, for receiving my many cancer related questions like “What is an MRI?” and “What should I wear?” (The bedpants and warm socks were a life-saver friend!). And of course, I want to give a special shout-out to my parents and Billy’s parents for being willing to make the trip to help us with childcare. Truly, you know what it means to “circle the wagons,” and we are so blessed to have you with us to love us as only a momma and daddy can do.
My sister-friend,
Yours is the last blog for the night and I'm so thankful to come back by and see that you've shared your heart yet again; in the LORD and what a beautiful and powerful sharing.
You indeed are 'running your Peace' my friend.
Indeed GOD's kingdom is an everlasting and enduring kingdom!
Your words here linger in my heart as I take these words to bed with me…
"If you are, then you can be certain that when tough times role your way, you will be well-equipped to handle the struggle. If you’re not, then it is time to start making some better choices today. Time to start deliberately living your faith, friends. Time to step it up and keep pace with the King. It’s what I plan to do in my “next.”"
I praise GOD that JESUS is always in the "next". I have spoken of the "next" often in my own life and I am assured that HE IS WITH YOU right now and in your next.
I'm thankful that HE has blessed you with everything you needed including those who loved on you extra with accommodations to rest and care for your children…Aww the blessing of family!
I love you dear friend. I'm praying fervently for you. I trust GOD completely with you. I'm praying for your family and all your needs.
GOD IS FAITHFUL!
His love is unfailing!
His mercy endures forever!!
Hallelujah!
I love you!
And…
Psalm 27:13-14 (King James Version)
I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
Elaine….you are loved! By God. By your family. By us.
Praying for you….
Marilyn…in Mississippi
Well this post gave me goosebumps all the way through! What a powerful message, Elaine. I want to keep living Jesus out loud and on purpose, too.
I'm so glad to hear you have had the MRI. What a blessing to have a hotel room provided and your family available to care for the littles.
I'll be calling you. I figured you would be inundated with calls this week, so I've been trying to give you a break. Don't know that I can hold out much longer, though. 😉
Love you…
P.S. I've never heard of Audrey Assad, but that should come as no surprise, huh? Just call me Clueless from the Appa-LATCH-ian Mountains! 😉
Encouraging as always…your words always kindle passions from deep inside that are hidden for what ever reason…thank you for continuing to be an inspiration to me…my prayers are with you during this part of your journey….
Elaine,
I'm sitting here in shock! I just read your previous update.
And in my next breath, I feel so much peace.
Your words have touched me deeply and they have challenged me.
They have caused me to ponder and think, real hard.
“It doesn’t matter how long God chooses to preserve my earthly life. What matters is how I choose to preserve him in the earthly life I’ve been given.”
And you have, and you will.
This scripture came to mind as I was reading;
"He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."(PS 91:4)
Count me in to be among your paper warriors for this next leg of your journey.
With more love then words could ever express,
Susan
Elaine, I've been thinking about you. And how we've all gotten to know each other and hang out here in blogland. And how we've come to lean upon one another. And need each other. And be needed by each other. And how all of this is God's plan. That somehow all of this blogging would create a community. And how I could never imagine my life without it.
I've been thanking God for you today. For your witness. How you are like a mentor to so many that have never even met you. A mentor. A nurturer. A friend. A mother. A sister.
Thank you for the updates. I love hearing about everyone who is coming alongside you. God is good.
Prayers, love and blessing!
How could I be anything but encouraged, blessed and honored to have met you through blog land and to have the honor of praying for you and your family.
May we all learn to be a blessing through our trials and an encouragement to each other in peace and grace that only our Jesus can give.
Elaine, you share your heart so beautifully and powerfully. In the midst of your own pain, I am receiving ministry from you, dear friend, and you are ministering because of so many sacred choices in your life with Jesus.
I remember reading the excerpt you shared from Anonymous. It stuck to my ribs with its purity and truth.
Elaine, thank you for just being you and opening your life and heart to everyone who knows you. God is mightily using you, and through this current challenge you are facing, He will continue to do so. Why? Because you, friend, have so much to give and so much to live because of Christ in you. His heart resoundingly pours through your voice.
He is holding your hand and your heart, and God's unfailing love and faithfulness are yours to hold.
I am praying daily for you and thanking God for you and for His holy blesings in your life. Yes, He is in control!
"He sends from heaven and saves me, rebuking those who hotly pursue me; Selah. God sends his love and his faithfulness" (Psalm 57:3).
Love you,
Andrea
I'm … at a loss.
Elaine, I didn't know about your diagnosis!
What I wouldn't give to fly down your way and give you a hug and share some more PEACE for the Journey — the same PEACE that you've shared with so many of us.
But I know that *you* know that you have this Peace who is a Person. He is right beside you and living within you.
Run strong, girl. He runs with you!
Elaine, the first time I 'met' you was when I first starting writing Fitness Friday posts. I remember you were challenged in your running but determined. I love that persistence you always have. You are running the race of faith. And sister you have many cheering you on, especially through this current challenge. I have no doubt that through it all your faith will even grow stronger.
And I know that your sisters in Christ are here for the long haul, praying and encouraging you. I know we will all learn from you. Praising God in this moment can sometimes be hard when this moment isn't of our choosing. But you are such a good example of a life of praise. Thank you for that Elaine.
Love you,
Debbie
This was such a GOOD post…soo full of powerful truths. I heard this very thing you are speaking of once by a minister that really stuck with me….he compared it to a bank account. If we never make the deposits, then there is nothing to draw from when we need it. And it is just soo true. If we have put the time into our relationship with the Lord there is MUCH to draw from when times are tough, and likewise of course, when we don't we just can't be surprised when we find ourselves lacking. I LOVE what you said about living Jesus, out loud and on purpose. That just says it all. I am thanking God for you tonight, and your willingness to share your trial and the truths you've learned with us. Praying for you, Debbie
Elaine,
As I lay in my bed this morning from 2 to 3, unable to sleep, the Lord brought you strongly to my mind and I prayed for you and your family over and over.
We will, along with the Lord, will be here cheering you on as you run the race ahead of you.
Leah
Good morning precious one. I too lifted you in prayer just a short time ago and will continue to as your "run your peace." Beautiful and powerful sharing of your heart here, my friend. So grateful for the outpouring of love & support you've received since your diagnosis. Thank you for sharing that beautiful song…what a powerful thought…as we carry the cross of Christ, He carries us! No wonder it's been such an encouragement to you.
Much love, many prayers & a heartfelt hug…
Tracy
My friend, my husband and I are praying faithfully for you and your family each morning before we go off to work. It is such a sweet blessing to do so. I also pray for you each morning in my quiet time as I journey through the pages of your book and seek God's voice.
"though my flesh and my heart fail me, You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever" ~Ps 73:26
You are so right…this flesh is not our own though I think we try to claim it selfishly. God has chosen you and we will continue to learn from you but more importantly, we will support you in every way that we can. I wish I could be your personal nurse through this.
You are one of the most spiritually beautiful women I have know. You touch so many lives and encourage so many and God will use you in mighty way even through this. When and if you feel times of weakness, let us help you. My faith and confidence is that you will shine Jesus all the way through to recovery and healing as it is what you do best my friend.
Believing Him~Pamela
As always, so much richness to spiritually chew on Dear. Our hearts are all wrapped around you!
This is beautiful Elaine. You are shining. Thank you for your strong stand and for trusting God in the midst of where you are. Knowing you has blessed me more than I know how to say, and I have a hunch the blessings are just beginning!
We walk beside you.
Love,
Sonja
Hi Elaine,
Lorie Hall here. just learning about your diagnosis, with tears in my eyes. I will be praying for you of course. She are an amazingly strong person. I loved your recent blog and can relate so much to being broken. However, I can't say I've dealt with the physical aspect of brokeness, only the spiritual. I'm sure it is all so similar…placing it all in God's hands whether physical, spiritual or whatever. I am with you in spirit. Dionne and I were messaging each other on FB about the amazing bond, connection, whatever you want to call it, of the Asbury folks. No matter what happens in my life, I know I can reach out to any of you who I was close to and you are there for me w/non-judgement, only love. That's a great thing to have and I am so grateful. We're with you, girl. Keep us posted and we will continue to lift you up.
Love you very much,
Lorie
Well, I can tell I'm going to have to have a Kleenex box at-the-ready whenever I visit here …
What high ground and a straight course it is, and firm too, that you've chosen to run your peace upon.
With expectancy I'm running with you, though probably MANY paces behind. Thank God prayer closes that gap.
God love you, girl. I sure do!
Kathleen
Interesting how as I'm looking up my list of blogs to read, I was thinking of some "whys" in my life….and once I started reading this post, Elaine, it became clear as to "why"……my faith…or lack thereof…..
Such words I've needed to "hear" and take to heart.
Thank you for sharing this awesome message…this old girl needed "preached" at this morning!
Praying for you!
~Beth
Oh Elaine! I feel so behind…I have been out of the loop as I have been out of town for the past two weeks. I am so glad that you are getting the care that you need during this "next" in your life. I love your attitude. It is inspiring. Being deliberate in your faith, just as you are deliberate with your running is the right thing to do and I am taking a lesson from you. Every day God is preparing us for our "nexts" and I am listening! I want you to know that I will be praying with you and for you during this time in your life. Please remember that your friends in blogland are praying, too! But even more, remember that our God, the Great Physician, is right by your side.
Praying for you, Joan
Dear Elaine, As I read all the comments my heart agreed with each gal. This post was incredibly inspiring and I know will touch many lives for Him. Lifting you before the throne of Grace.
Hugs, Noreen
Oh Elaine, I love that thought that whatever our next is, Jesus is also there. You are an inspiration to all of us to lead the charge and stay the course. God bless and strengthen you as you stay true to Him!
Love and prayers still coming your way!
Dear Elaine,
In your struggle, you managed to minister. Thank you so much. I so needed to hear your words today about the choices we make.
I will be keeping you, and your husband and family in prayer.
The will of God will never lead you where the grace of God cannot keep you.
Blessings,
Susan
Run like the wind my friend, run like the wind!!!!!!
precious Elaine. you are the epitome of a 'woman of faith'. i am inspired to continue to strive harder to make my walk match my talk. i am inspired to really an truly give it all to Him. no matter what. i think of you often and pray for you fervently! my last prayer blog post was for you.
i love you so. even though we have never met face-to-face, we have met spirit-to-spirit through our awesome Lord and Savior.
you will never know how GOd has use you in my life and will keep on using you.
love to you – Beth
Elaine,
Your Faith inspires me as it does all who read your words! I can't help but think of Hebrews 11. Knowing the Lord must be saying "By Faith Elaine will glorify me in this trial. Her roots are deep and she is unshakable. By Faith she will run this race."
Bless you on this Journey!
I can not say that I know and understand where you are as I've never been where you are. However, I can relate to surrendering to God and running with Him. You're in my prayers sister.
You are running the race gracefully, Elaine. What a beautiful song you shared. I'm praying!
It's all been said so well – either by you or friends here on your comment page so you don't need my late blathering except to say this: while I despise this disease, I have named it a kind of "friend" at least twice that I can remember. Perhaps you will too. And I will still hate this disease.
Love you.
Your peace.
Your faith.
Your heart.
Praying for you with all of mine.
Sweet dreams.
There was a time when I held hands tightly with Jesus and walked through the valley of cancer, chemo and radiation. The lessons my sweet Saviour taught me during those difficult days I shall never forget. The comfort, grace and mercy He bestowed upon me during that time has always been difficult for me to express with mere words.
My prayers will be with you as you as you begin this journey.
God bless, love & prayers,
Debra
…just letting you know I read and rejoiced in your attitude, witness, and faith. Following your journey with prayers and "earnest expectation and hope" (Paul's words from Romans, I think) that Jesus Christ WILL be glorified in your body.
You are a daily encouragement to me.
Continued prayers for this next step in your journey.
I don't know you but I know and love your in-laws from growing up in Chapel Hill…you and your family are in my prayers! In Christ,
Ben Alexander
I always leave here, so encouraged and hungry to walk closer with my Savior. Thank you!
Praying Miss Elaine!!
My friend, remember, you have cancer, it does not have you. You also have the precious healer. I love you, you are in my prayers.
Elaine, if your readers want to hear more of Audrey Assad this link offers a free listen of her complete CD, "The House You're Building": http://www.godtube.com/featured/video/listen-free-audrey-assad-house-youre-building
Found this after I e-mailed you. Thought I'd leave the link here.
Love ya girl,
Hugs,
Joy
What a wonderful song for you at this time. Praying for you ~