If I could take back the last thirty minutes of my life and live them over, I would.
I wouldn’t have yelled at my daughter for spilling the milk in the utensil drawer. Instead, I would have offered her some grace and some tips on cleaning up the mess. I blew it, and the only excuse I have to offer up for my poorly chosen response is my carnality—my fleshly resistance to the work of the cross. And really, that isn’t much of an excuse. I know better.
Haven’t I spent a lifetime in the Word of God and submitted my heart to the refining fires of the Holy Spirit’s purification? No need to answer. I know the answer. “Yes” and “Apparently not enough.” When will I learn? When will holiness take hold? When will I stop doing what I don’t want to do, thereby ending up regretting the “do” I’ve done?
But for the grace and mercy of God, I’m toast. Done. Finished. Incomplete and completely hopeless. My righteousness is as filthy rags before the Father. Oh, I know it could have been worse. Trust me. I’ve been worse. I have some yesterdays filled with worse, some rancid history—a season or two in my past where I was deeply entrenched in willful sin, feeding the desires of my flesh and damaging my soul’s pulse. Thank God for his patience, for his willingness to tarry a while longer . . . long enough for me to come to my senses and to realize that a swine’s filling was a poor substitute for heaven’s bread.
My stomach sours with remembrance. My heart swells with relief for the mercy afforded therein. It’s been a long road, this grace journey. Some days, I still feel like the wretch in the middle of an amazing grace. Some days, I feel like a saint. Today I just feel numb. Suckered in by circumstance, I fell prey to the schemes of the enemy, and, in doing so, I became the predator—a mom sucking the life out of a moment and out a soul that depends on me to know better. To live better. To give better.
I’m sorry, sweet daughter of mine, for failing you today. Grace should be the standard in our home, and love should lead the way. It would be so much easier for you to understand the cross and its mercy and the big God who bent low to offer them both if I could get my act together and live accordingly. Your forgiveness is rich and your love all the more. Today, you’ve been Jesus to me. In doing so, you’ve erased some of the sting of the last thirty minutes. I promise that the next thirty will live better for both of us.
No more crying over spilt milk. God will put us back together. I love you, Amelia.
Love,
Momma
PS: My friend, Laura Boggess, wrote some kind words about Beyond Cancer’s Scars. You can read her thoughts and sign-up to win a copy of the book by clicking here. Even more grace added to my day. Thanks, friend.
We’ve all sinned and come short…I’m guilty as well. Thanks so much for keeping it real and for being such a great example.
Thanking God for His loving mercy, and His grace which knows no bounds.
Give that preciosu girl of yours a hug from us.
Loving your new home here on the web!
All thanks to Jen @ Blue Yonder Designs, Susan.
Traffic is my spilled milk, Elaine. And I know better, too! Thank God for His mercies, which are new every morning, and His grace, helping us to become more and more like Him…in spite of our flesh.
Elaine, we’ve all been there, all lost our cool and taken it out on those we love. I’ve been a mess plenty in my life, too. I’m with you — so very thankful for grace!
I just hope Bo doesn’t get on here and tell you of all the times I messed up! Yes, we moms all have our moments. I know you, though, Elaine. I know your heart. More importantly, your children know your heart. Our messing up can be a very teachable moment on grace and forgiveness, and from what you’ve said here, sweet Amelia has learned well. Kiss that precious girl for me!
Big hugs…
Well, look at it this way-now the drawer is cleaned out. One less chore for spring cleaning. And thank the Lord Amelia is not normally a ‘klutz’ like some I can think of.
You would know, mom! So proud of you for figuring out the comment feature. Love you.
from a song I sang long ago to an accompaniment tape:
I once read in a poem
That when snow covers the earth
That it hides the world’s scars
And gives nature new birth
And they say when a
Man turns from sin to the Lord
That forgiveness like snow
Cover him evermore
And somewhere it’s snowing
See the soft drifting down
As snowflakes surrender
To the hardening ground
Like the good grace of Jesus
That now covers our sin
In the kingdom of heaven
It’s snowing again
And I would love to hear you sing this, Rebecca. You certainly live it.
…and that’s why I LOVE you.
Such a sweet and grace-filled post…mom and daughter both are blessed….
I have a feeling there isn’t a mom out there who can read this and say, “Been there…done that.” Oh how many times I have responded the way I knew I should, would sadly be MUCH easier to count up then the times I blew it. How grateful we all are that His grace is NEVER ending. I really have said numerous times, (like Paul) WHY is it that I continue to do the things I don’t want to do? Will the battle ever be over? Not till we reach the other side, right? haha. In the meantime praise God He loves us unconditionally. The important thing is your daughter KNOWS how much you love her, and SEES your repent heart, and KNOWS who to turn to when we fail. You have taught her all that I just know.
Hope you have a wonderful week-end!
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to apologize to my kids. Humility is key, and you definitely have that. All will be well! Thanks for sharing!
Good to see you here, Michele. We’ve crammed in a lot of years since our basement years at ATS! Blessings to you and Troy in your new adventure.
And this blog is one of the very reasons that the words of your book ring so true… I would exalt you to ‘saint’ level if I only read the truth of your words and missed the reality of a life lived. It’s so comforting to know that every ‘saint’ we have ever looked up to is a sinner, saved by grace.
I vote Amelia the hero in this story. The love and quick forgiveness of our children does more to grow up their moms and dads than just about anything. And as Amelia knows so well… her mommy is worth every forgiving hug that she gives her!
Hugs to mommy & daughter! 🙂
Kids are our grace whisperers, are they not? I see so much in the parent/child relationship that resembles a pure love (not quite, but pretty close)!
http://skootsonemom.blogspot.com/2012/09/why.html
sisterhood award for you 😉
You were forgiven, a long time ago even before it happened. That’s all I can say. But I can definitely relate.
Much love
Lidia
Oh sweet biscuits!!!!! Can I ever relate! I keep thinking that sanctification thingy will kick in and I will do better. Then all that kicks in is my stinking flesh. Praise God for mercy and grace!!
Oh, how I wish my mother would have apologized to me after her many and often rants. That she had a short fuse wasn’t the issue… that she pretended like it never happened hurt me deeply. I love my mom dearly. But I pray that I teach my son that grace and forgiveness from me and to me. Love you, darling!
I love you my precious friend.
This totally touched my heart today! I also so many times feel like the “wretch in amazing grace”.
Love you much my amazing and faithful friend!
Marilyn
Love back at you, Marilyn, and the rest of you blogging friends. Tonight, I’m particularly thinking good thoughts toward all of you and counting my blessings because of you. You are why I’m here.
Thank you once again, Elaine, for saying it for the rest of us. So many times over the years I have wished I could “do over’ my words and actions. and at 69 I often can’t believe that i can still act in such immature, childish ways. (I thought I would have it together long before this!! 🙂 I am continually grateful for God’s mercy and grace and the opportunity to begin again.
Wanda, you make me smile. Just yesterday, we began a new ladies’ Bible study at our church. One of our attendees is 80+. She quickly reminded us all that one is never too old for refinement! Keep to it, sister.
Oh, Elaine…you handed your daughter His grace when you apologized to here. There is no greater gift you can give is the ability to say your sorry to your loved ones. My patience has been over-taxed the past year living with someone who makes messes all the time, and sometimes, well most times she really doesn’t care. But I am learning the lesson slowly….Most of the time I fail miserably.