Today it is my privilege to introduce you to one of my dearest blogging friends, Judith. I met Judith early into my blogging foray, and over the past two plus years, we’ve become kindred friends. Although we’ve never met face-to-face, our hearts are connected via the tender love we share for our Lord and for the deeper work of the cross that is constantly presenting itself upon the soil of our souls. We’ve shared many a good conversations over the phone and some heart-felt e-mails in this season of our lives. More than being a kind and generous acquaintance, Judith has become and continues to be a mentor for me. Despite her illness, Judith remains one of the strongest witnesses of faith I’ve ever encountered. I want you to encounter her as well. Thus, her gracious willingness to serve as a guest-writer at my blog this week. After a long season of rest in regards to her writing, Judith is, once again, putting her heart on paper to serve as an encouragement for all travelers on the road toward home. Today, she reflects on one of the writings included in my new book. I pray it blesses you, even as it has richly blessed me. So without further prompt… meet Judith (and when you’re done here, please visit her newly designed blog and follow her along in the journey of faith).
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“She had and ‘issue.’ I have mine. You have yours. Hers was blood. Ours are other things—blacks and blues and hues of all manner of issues. Regardless of their color, they still bleed red. And if not tended to by the Healer, they will continue their hemorrhage toward eventual destruction.”
Issues. Elaine is so right. They can bleed us dead. And where I think I have become strong, an issue can fly in just under the radar to do damage.
Eight years ago, I received an unexpected diagnosis of Stage 4 cancer before I even knew that there had been a Stage 1. While it felt like living in Belize and suddenly moving to the Badlands, I didn’t waste energy with the “Why me, God?” question. I have known too many wonderful people who have suffered with this frightening disease to think that there was something so special about my sorry parts that I should be spared. My journey through cancer, fraught with discomfort, confusion and grieving, has helped me cling to and love Christ more. It has strengthened my character and enlarged my understanding of the living and loving and wanting to serve. More than cancer of the body, I have feared cancer of the soul.
Yet it’s a messy thing, this business called living or surviving. We don’t do it in a tidy fashion. There are highs so spectacular that we can be stunned to silence at God’s goodness and grace. But there are those other times when the best we can do is survive the day. Days of rejoicing from good news can become stained by bad. We don’t always see a blessing when we are standing in the middle of it. We misstep. We despair when the answer, the gift, the hope is just around the corner. That’s where I was when I opened to Page 10 of Elaine’s book.
I had been told at the beginning of my journey through Cancerland that there is no cure when it behaves the way mine did but “not to worry,” my kind and cheerful Oncologist said. “I have lots of goodies in my goody bag that we can use to manage it.”
Goodies in a goody bag… doctor speak for chemotherapy. I smile now at the good man’s attempt to help me keep perspective, but “goodies” and “chemotherapy” just don’t belong in the same sentence – ever.
Good Dr. Doom (my favorite never-to-his-face name for him) retired about six years ago. Mentioning his ol’ goody bag to my recent Oncologist, I asked if, after all these years, we weren’t finally running out of the contents. I could tell she had been thinking about it too while flipping through the pages of my file at my last visit.
“There’s still one left we haven’t tried.”
“Just one?” I asked hoping she meant ten.
“Yes, just one…,” her voice trailing off. I thought I could tell what she probably would never say without a direct question: this one is last because it’s least likely to help. Surely that was a moth that I saw fly out of Doc Doom’s bag.
So, as Elaine effectively wrote, I had an issue with those goodies, that bag full of chemotherapy treats that I despised: What will happen when the last one is gone? What will happen to me, when Oncology finally has nothing else to offer? While my question was honest, it was one I thought I had settled long ago. But my radar missed the peril. The plane snuck in just underneath it, and… bombs away! Fear found Terror and together they blew up Hope. Despair won a victory, and I began to panic and fidget.
In his honest and uplifting testimony, written before he died from colon cancer, Tony Snow observed “The mere thought of dying can send adrenaline flooding through your system. A dizzy, unfocused panic seizes you. Your heart thumps; your head swims. You think of nothingness and swoon. You fear partings; you worry about the impact on family and friends. You fidget and get nowhere.”
Elaine writes that as the woman with an issue felt compelled to touch Jesus someway, we, too, “must be willing to reach in order to receive. We must move beyond our tight-fisted clenching…”
Tight-fisted clenching. Elaine’s words, empowered by the Spirit of God, were held up before me like a mirror. For days I had been holding on to something that I had always known could never make a promise of life to me; guarantees are never issued with chemotherapy. I had been through this panic before and knew better. But focusing on hopelessness, I clean forgot the blessing of eight years of survival and began to “think of nothingness and swoon.”
Reading the story in Luke again, I saw a difference in how that desperate woman and I were reaching. Elaine’s insightful and tender applications made me weep and they made me yearn. I had forgotten that I had to look more critically at not only what I was reaching for but also whose hem in the crowd I was trying to find. I thought about tight-fisted clenching and how that woman’s hand had to be open and empty in order to grab Jesus’ hem. I was beginning to hang on so tightly to this one last “hope” that my hand had become closed, filled with nothing.
I put Elaine’s book down for a moment remembering an old Johnny Cash song I knew from decades earlier. It was a story about a guy without a job and down on his luck, and all that remained between him and “pauper’s hill” was one “wrinkled, crinkled, wadded dollar bill.” With this one wadded bill he could buy an inadequate jacket at the surplus store or day-old cakes at the bakery but not both. His victory came with the understanding that in his fear of losing it, he had become a slave to something that really couldn’t help him. Determined to not be bound to that one wrinkled, crinkled, wadded dollar bill, he threw it into Lake Michigan.
Having shared some of these thoughts recently with a group of women who also have Stage 4 cancer, one began to weep saying “It never occurred to me that there wouldn’t always be something else they could give me.” Her tears and words expressed a frightful and difficult truth for every one of us in that room. But eventually we all must come to that place. One day each of us, cancer or not, will open a goody bag and watch moths fly out. Whose hem we have been reaching for is critical.
So today, I am comforted by renewal. Tony Snow’s “dizzy, unfocused panic” that had seized me is gone as I remember, once again, to hold on to the sufficiency of Christ and not to what I fear. Those few bombed out buildings of my heart that suffered a sneak attack from our enemy are rebuilt quickly as I focus again on God’s Word and his character. God knows what he’s about regarding my life. He doesn’t need chemotherapy to heal or extend one’s living. He may use it, but he requires nothing except my confidence in him and his ability to do what is right for me and my family, whatever that may be.
So you might say I’m not bound and, in my sane moment, never will be to some wrinkled, crinkled, dusty old goody bag. There is more to affliction than being healed of it.
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~elaine
I would love to read this book. I am so sorry for your story. Cancer has been very prevalent in my family's lives (out of four, two beat it and two died from it) so I can empathize with parts of your story. Your bravery and perseverance are inspiring.
OK, now I realize Judith wrote the book and you were introducing us. My sadness clouded my ability to think straight. Thank you for highlighting Judith's story… she is amazing.
I still would adore to read this book!
Elaine,
I have your book so no need to enter me in the drawing.
Judith's story rings so true in my own heart. My Daddy died from colon cancer and until the day he died, my mother never really thought he would die. Even today, 6years later, she says that she really did not think he would die. She thought that medical science would come up with one more trick.
Having a medical background, I knew from the moment the doctor pronounced the diagnosis that we were staring death in the face, yet we always hold out hope.
God's blessings on you, Judith, and your family as you walk this road with the Lord. Praise Him for the gift of 8 years.
Leah
Judith is an inspiration and I enjoyed reading about her journey. I am going to her blog now. You both are wonderful blessings!
An awesome post from Judith. Thanks, Elaine, for introducing us to her.
So often I approach situations in my life with tight-fisted clenching, convinced that I must fight my own battles.
Judith has great wisdom, grace, and a gentleness of spirit. Heading over to check out her blog now.
I just left a comment on Judith's blog. What an inspiration!
Just home to regroup before heading out again, but while clicking through my Google Reader, I wondered if there would be a giveaway on a post about a goody bag — had to check! 🙂 I admit I didn't have time to read but scrolled down for possible giveaway news & yep, there it was 🙂
Gotta run for now. More family stuff going on. Posted a pic from the wedding a few from the bridal portrait session. Enjoy! We certainly did!! 🙂
This statement grabbed my heart…But eventually we all must come to that place. One day each of us, cancer or not, will open a goody bag and watch moths fly out. Whose hem we have been reaching for is critical.
Thank you for sharing a piece of Judith's story.
Love and hugs~Tammy
The words of Judith and how your book has ministered to her has made me want to purchase it even if my name is not drawn.
I visited her blog and left a word of encouragement.
Dear and good friend,
I am profoundly humbled by your much too generous words. Thank you for your many kindnesses and ongoing encouragement.
How grateful I am that she who is Valiant, who loves truth and to tell it like she sees it, has been willing to journey along with me. As you so often say, "All for the kingdom."
I delight in your friendship.
Love to you,
What awesome and encouraging words from Judith. Thank you for introducing this sweet sister to us, Elaine.
No need to enter me in the drawing…..I have your book and love it!!
Sweet Blessings!
Jackie
Judith is an inspiration. Thanks for sharing her with us. I also hope Elaine you are getting settled in your new home. I so appreciated you stopping by for tea at my place and sharing about tea. Made me smile. Tea does wonderful things and lately for me..it has done some soul tending.
blessings my friend
Tammy
"I thought about tight-fisted clenching and how that woman’s hand had to be open and empty in order to grab Jesus’ hem." That line really stuck out to me. I guess because sometimes I'm desperately holding onto the little that I'm afraid to reach for something else.
Oh, my…after reading this post with bated breath…the very last sentence is the one that hit me the strongest…
"There is more to affliction than being healed of it."…
Judith has definitely found the more…what an encouragement….
I'm just saying… there are some powerful, deep, strong women writing on these blogs!! Judith's writing today was a beautiful read, as is your book which I am well into, Elaine.
Both of you have ministered to me today… thank you my friend. I'm going over to her page now.
Hugs, and praying for Wednesday night! Did I mention that you are such a HUGE blessing to me! God has taken you through some 'stuff'… you could not have this depth in Him apart from where you have been and what you have learned of His ways. I love it!! 🙂
elaine, thank you so much for sharing judith with us.
(i already have your book!)
Oh my Elaine…..this was so awesome! I could just "see" Judith opening her clenched fist and letting the "goodies" go and letting God hold her hand instead!
Wow. I'm almost speechless!
Marilyn…in Mississippi
Elaine,
Thanks for introducing Judith and letting her share here. I can why the two of you are two peas in a pod.
Judith…what a poignant and moving entry. Thank you for your words, honesty and insight. And for your steady hands pointing to the truth and hope we all have in Christ.
Blessings to you both.
What an amazing courage and strength Julia has. I agree with others that have posted. The last line was so powerful.
"There is more to affliction than being healed of it."…
~Blessings~
Marita
As it is my privilege to call Judith my mother in law and to know her beyond her well written words, I'm struck by the mutual friendship and encouragement you have had with her, Elaine.
As to the Goody Bag and the issue the woman had recorded in Luke 8…I have my issue as well and I have a goody bag of tricks to work with my pain. The thought of not having another thing to try in my quest to manage fibromyalgia brings up a tight-fisted reaction.
Judy-Mom wrote, "He requires nothing except my confidence in him and his ability to do what is right for me and my family, whatever that may be." If my goody bag is empty, then I must trust in His divine removal of the contents is for my good. I also realize that my tight-fisted reaction comes because I'm dependent on pain relievers & the like to maintain my present existence. He may want to change my purpose for living and I know I can be very resistant to that.
My own Judy-Mom cared for me in such a state a few times and it was very humbling. However, she was tender and kind….giving me space to struggle and learn.
She has also waited for this comment. Her journey and my journey can often hit common veins. We don't intend to hurt one another and I know God uses it for our good. He has used her presence in my life to confront some of the rough edges that He wants to rub out or smooth down. I have been grateful and I hope these few words communicate that to my Dearest Judy-Mom!
Amykins
My goodness, I have tears streaming down my face. Such an amazing testimony, such an amazing woman who loves an amazing God.
Thank you for sharing!
Hey Elaine and Judith, this post is very moving. I will pray for you, Judith.
katiegfromtennessee
I would love to have a copy of your book Elaine.
Love
Lidj
Hi Elaine,
I just left a comment at Judith's blog.
It was only a month ago that I "stumbled upon" her blog place. The post I read was one she had written two years ago… and it was so good, I kind of wished she would make a comeback. Honestly I prayed she would just be well enough to blog again. We need the kind of life-giving messages from a heart like hers over here at blog world.
Well, what do you know, she's back!
This guest post she did is about one of my all time favorite Bible stories. I too am believing the Lord for healing in my body, and this story is one through which the Lord spoke to me about the healing that I will receive in the fullness of time. This post is another confirmation of that promise, and a reminder as well.
I haven't mentioned anything about this in my blog, because I am reserving the story for when the promise comes about.
But Judith's last line touches me deeply:
"There is more to affliction than being healed of it."
Thank you Judith for those words.
Thank you Elaine, for letting her guest write. Your blog has always been a channel of rich blessing to me.
Love
Lidj
Such an encouraging post on relying on the sufficiency of Christ! Thank you for sharing a bit of your battle with Cancer. My prayers are with you, Judith!
Elaine – thanks for introducing Judith to your readers!
Living for Him, Joan
Thank you for sharing your honest feelings and story, It touched me deeply, I think at many points in our lives we live in hopes that the goody bag will deliver and we forget to open our fists to hang onto Jesus. I so appreciate this heart-felt reminder. Blessings to you for doing this!
wifeforthejourney:
Your guest blogger has a powerful story to share and her witness reminds me of other special survivors in our life. Thank you for allowing her another venue to tell her story!
Love to you all,
Billy
I also have your book, sweet friend, but thank you so much for introducing me to Judith. Her faith and courage brought tears. What a beautiful friend you have.
I have been following along with your adventures on FB. Missing you here. Life rumbles along. Perhaps we can catch up soon?
Love to you.
The woman with the "issue" touched the hem of His garment.
And He knew!
He knew that someone had touched Him.
He knew because power had gone out from Him to her.
I want to touch Him like that.
Will be praying for Judith.
Sweet dreams.
Thank you, Pastor Billy, for taking time to read my post and for your encouraging comments. You have indeed pastored many a valiant heart.
Judith
Judith, I will pray that your have the most amazing journey towards our God. It is a journey we are all on…just different paths to the same destination. I will pray Deut. 33:12 for you…"Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in Him, For He shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between His shoulders."
Elaine, I received a call from my friend Robin the day after I gave her your book. She was so excited about it and just knew it was what God wanted for her in her "now". Amazing things are happening between women and their God as they travel the pages of that masterpiece He laid on your heart. How sweet!! I have one more week with my current study that I am going to try and complete this weekend so I too can journey though those pages and see what God has in store for me. Can't wait!!
Love you!
Believing him~Pamela