“. . . the word of the LORD tested him.” –Psalm 105:19
Sometimes he tells me. Sometimes keeping it inside pins him down . . . pushes him down where the pain hurts deeply and the tears flow easily. Sometimes the world slams cruelly and unfairly into him, moving him to the outer edges of what’s reasonable. Sometimes it’s just too much. Last night was one of those times.
And so he told me . . . laid down beside me, took my hand and shared with me the deepest ache of his heart.
“Elaine, I can’t give in to this despair. Even when I want to, I can’t, because I believe that at any moment, on any given day, God might show me that something I’ve been waiting to see. And if I give in to despair, I’ll miss it–God’s something. And baby, I don’t want to miss it. I don’t want you to miss it either, so I’ll keep holding on for both of us.”
And then I broke, lying there beside my man. Hand in hand. Hearts aching together. Hearts longing for, looking for, and believing in that something . . . God’s something. A something spoken over our lives a season ago that brought us to this place, this space, this dot on the map named ministry.
A long time ago, there was a boy on the verge of manhood, a seventeen-year-old dreamer named Joseph (see Genesis 37-40). God, too, spoke a something into his heart. A dream or two about taking the lead, about rising to the occasion, about being the man in a season yet to come. What incredible privilege to hold such holy affirmation, confirmation in one’s heart—to be told in advance that you’ll be needed, you’ll be trusted, you’ll be used by God in a mighty way! Joseph’s dreams were far grander than his reality, and to pack all that truth inside his heart only to be cruelly taunted by that truth . . . for years? Well, lesser men would have given in to their despair, would have wilted under confinement, and would have stopped anticipating God’s greater move . . . God’s grander something.
But Joseph wasn’t a lesser man. Neither is my man. Both of them, God’s men—God’s appointed leadership despite a long season of taunts to the contrary. Like Joseph, my husband is a man willing to believe in a dream and to keep his feet and faith planted on the path that will move him closer to seeing that dream become a reality, even when that path feels like a dead-end.
There are no dead-ends with God. Only living ones. Living-ends with the Lover and Creator of our souls. The dreams that God breathes into our hearts, the plans that he has for us, the thoughts that he thinks toward us, well, they are holy. Consecrated. Truthful. Enduring. God’s dreams for our lives arrive with a pulse and with a promise—that he who began a very good and gracious work inside of us will be faithful to see it through to completion (Phil. 1:6). Dreams that begin and end there—with God—are dreams that cannot be thwarted, only anticipated.
And so, today, my man anticipates. With one hand, he grips the dream—God’s something—and with the other hand, he grips me. He pulls me toward anticipation . . . toward the dream, and I am swallowed up by the quicksand of his faith. I’m drawn into it, immersed in the raw and gritty determination of the dream, and that which began as a great pain in my husband’s heart last night has transformed into a great strength for both of us this day. Once again, we give our hearts and our hands to this place, this space, this dot on the map named ministry.
Today just might be the day when the dream awakens to reality. I don’t want to miss it should it arrive. As always…
Peace for the journey,
PS: Many thanks to all of you for entering the give-away. Unfortunately, only two winners this go around, and they are… Jane Babich and Kathie! Ladies, please contact me with via e-mail with your mailing information. Jane, I don’t have any contact info for you. Thanks.
The “quicksand of his faith”…what a powerful image…what a blessed union you have with this man…
“Dreams that begin and end there—with God—are dreams that cannot be thwarted, only anticipated.”…YES…take that, devil….
I hear the sound of victory….
“This might be the day…….” AWESOME!
Wonderful post.
this hit very close to home for me. going to email you. praying for you.
Precious friend….so often your writing leaves me speechless. I feel these similar thoughts so deeply. I’m joining hands with you both, through prayer, and anticipating God’s something. I believe it is just over the horizon. God of course already sees it, and He is waiting for the perfect moment to surprise you with delight. It will be more wonderful than anything you can think or imagine. How it moves my heart to see you not only holding Belief, but holding tightly to one another. Praying that the mischief of Satan will be bound, and that you will experience the Lord in a powerful way.
“I am swallowed up by the quicksand of his faith”. Beautiful. Oh, to be likewise recklessly and uncontrollably covered in a deeper faith.
Love and prayers to all your family as you remain faithful in ministry.
Joy
I was just reading in “just enough light for the step I’m on” that when it feels like we are nowhere in ministry, with God, it is somewhere! And often the darkest moments are followed up by breakthroughs of light. Whether its dreams fulfilled or new dream realized. Ugh, but the waiting… Many blessings of prayer.
I remember the verse God gave me to share with you and Billy a couple of years ago, when we spent the weekend in Mt. Airy:
“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” (Isaiah 43:19)
I’m still standing on that verse for you and Billy, trusting God to lead you through this desert wasteland to those streams of living water. He sees your tears and knows your hearts…I have no doubt that He has great plans for you in the days ahead.I can’t think of any couple who loves Jesus more than you and Billy. What an inspiration you are to us all.
You and Billy are precious to us. You can count on Bill and I to be praying for you in the days ahead. We miss you lots…the next time we get together can’t come soon enough!
Love you…
You brought me to tears, my friend. Beautiful. This might be the day. Love you, and praying.
How transparent & moving! You paint such a picture when you write that I feel the emotion of your words like I do a song. Thank you.
My sweet freind, your words overcome me like spring water on a hot day…so comforting, so empowering, so spiritually refreshing. Thanking God for the talent He has given you to share with us.
What a beautiful sniplet of a love story in progress….
Striving to Live Out Loud~Pamela
And your words, every person who has left a comment here, are like spring water on a hot day, refreshing my soul for life at hand!
oh how beauifully you said this Elaine. I am reminded that God never teases us with where he leads us, he doesn’t dangle a carrot and then pull it away, rather… he is IN this time and it is PART of the NEXT that is coming. I am so moved by your Billy’s faith, and the 2 of you joining hands and hearts and standing firm. I’ll say it once more… I can’t WAIT to see what God is up to with you 2 and your ministry and future. It’s worthy of the wait, of that I am sure.
Praying with yo both.
xo
YOU both, or ‘yo’ if that was understandable! 🙂
We like our “yo’s” here in the South!
You have so much to give, and through this post it’s clear your husband does too. No doubt God DOES have something special for you both….praying he shows you soon!
This hit close to home for me as well as we are going through a similar thing concerning my husband’s job, etc. It’s the not knowing that is so hard.
Thank you for speaking from your heart what God has placed upon it. It blesses me today.
Elaine, what a powerful post. You must feel so blessed to see your husband hang on so tenaciously to his hopes, his dreams, his God. Can’t imagine how tough full-time ministry must be at times. May God grant each of you fresh strength for each new day. Keep hanging on to Him — and to each other. Hugs from across the miles, friend!
When we make a run for God…we never regret it!
May God’s timing find you still holding on to Him and to each other, as you finish the race set before you.
“I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.” Isa 46:16 NIV
“They are weak in knowledge, but He will make darkness light. They are weak in duty, but their way shall be plain. Those whom God brings into the right way, he will guide in it. This passage is a prophecy, and is also applicable to every believer; for the Lord will never leave nor forsake them.” ~~ Matthew Henry
‘Every valley shall be filled in, every mountain and hill made low. The crooked roads shall become straight, the rough ways smooth.’ Luke 3:5 NIV
believing with you
Standing with you…
on that dot called ‘ministry’
Patrina ><
Thank you for standing on the dot with me today! You bless my heart with your generosity!
Dear Elaine, Wow! What a beautiful picture to think of how you and Billy are truly one. Thank you for sharing that. For allowing us to see that. And for the truth being said… I’m struggling in my ministry at church… and I want to give up. But God keeps reminding me that He is refining me… guess I am not done yet, huh? Love you, dear friend! So glad our hearts are neighbors!
wifeforthejourney:
Words fail me at your offering, at your love for me and at your faith in God. More still today, than the day before am I convinced of how much I need you. Even when I’m discouraged, and I know you are not at your best, still you find a way to reach me. You are, and always have been God’s best for me!
May God help me to be and to give you my best in return.
Love you,
Billy
Elaine, this was a beautiful post. I was so moved by it. With your permission, I would like to pass it on to my son. He is 29, and also feels that he has been called by God into a leadership role. He has recently taken on the co-directorship of the volunteer program with the Foster Care outreach ministry at our church. Of course, along with this, he has certainly been subject to the enemy’s attacks. One of which is the taunt that he will never discover God’s PURPOSE for his life.
Your words would be quite fortifying to him.
Thank goodness for men who desire to follow God – and let’s keep praying for our *warriors* – sometimes the so-called “inactivity” (while God works in other ways in them) feels very discouraging.
GOD BLESS!
(p.s. Please forgive my absence from Blog Land – packing to move after 28 years – I’ve been unbelievably busy!!)